You Belong With Me
by melinagarcia
Summary: Troy and Gabriella were the best of friends, until she ruined it by kissing him the night before he moved. Three years later, he's back... but they're no longer the friends that would stay up all night chatting away in the tent they built outside when they were 10 years old. Things are different. And she hates that she's the one to blame.
1. Chapter 1

"Why are you even dating him?"

"Stop," I roll my eyes at Madison as I grabbed my phone back from her, "Cole is nice, okay?"

She laughed a bit. "If you say so. He's just so... I don't even know. I just don't understand why you're with him. Do you guys have anything in common other than the fact that you're both attracted to each other? I don't really get it. But I mean... if you like him, you like him..."

Of course I have things in common with him. He is my boyfriend after all. It's been a good month with him. "Mads, what's the deal?"

"Nothing, nothing," she puts her hands up in defeat almost, "I just know if my boyfriend sent me a text that said, hey hot stuff, can't hang out, guys wanna play basketball, I'll call you later, I wouldn't be too happy."

"Whatever, he loves playing basketball, so why not? We didn't have any set plans like a movie at a theater at a certain time or anything like that."

Madison rolled her eyes and gave up. "Whatever if you wanna have someone just to have someone, be my guest..."

That's not what I'm doing here. Cole... he's great. He's nice. He treats me well, he's good looking. I mean, why not? Why not date him? Isn't that what high school's all about? Dating? Meeting new people? It's summer. Well, end of summer. We start school in a week. And I have had the best summer hanging out with him, getting to know him. Now, I'm his girlfriend and we're a month in and things are good with us.

I get what she's saying, though.

Maybe I could do better but just thinking about that is obnoxious. Like, who do I think I am? Maybe I do just like the company. But what's wrong with that?

A high school boyfriend is just that... company.

Are Cole and I going to last forever and get married? Who even knows. We're having fun. And even though he doesn't give me intense butterflies or anything like that, he's good to me, I like him and that's that. I'm gonna give this a chance. Maybe it could become something great.

"Oooh, new neighbors!"

"What?" I look up and realize Madison is now looking out my window, "they're here?"

I quickly go over to the window and see them unloading their big u-haul. Carefully taking out boxes and stacking them off to the side. They're finally here. After weeks of knowing they were coming, they're here. They're right next door.

And I don't really know what to do right now.

"Gabriella!" I hear my mom yell from downstairs, "come down here! The Boltons are here!"

Madison quickly looks over at me. "Boltons? They're back?"

I just nod and quickly go downstairs with Madison following behind me. My mom and dad are already out the door about to greet them. My brother is emerging from the kitchen, a bag of chips in his hand, walking right past me to greet them as well. But I stop for a moment. I stop and turn to Madison, my best friend, the one person who can talk to me through any stressful situation.

And she knows this is stressful.

"You look fine," she says with a small smile, "it'll be fine. I promise."

"I feel so awkward," I confess to her, "I knew they were coming back and I didn't think much of it, but now... now I feel nervous and I don't know what to do or what to say. How to act. I'm freaking out a little, Mads. It's been three years. Three loooong years."

Madison grabs me by the shoulders and looks me right in the eye. "It's been three years. Everything will be fine. The kiss won't even come up."

Obviously it won't come up. We haven't talked in years because of it. "Mads, we haven't talked in three years. I ruined our friendship. I ruined everything we had and I don't know how to approach it. Just act like it never even happened?"

"Sure," she shrugs, "maybe he'll do the same. You let him know it was a mistake, so whatever. It shouldn't be an issue."

"But it is," I tell her, "or maybe I'm just over thinking it and the reason we didn't stay in touch was because we were states away."

"Exactly," she says, but I don't even think she believes it.

That's definitely not the reason we didn't stay in touch. I ruined everything between us.

I took a deep breath and then stood there for a moment. Madison took her hands off my shoulders and gave me a small push in the right direction and stood back, waiting inside my house while I went to greet my old new neighbors back into their old home, their old neighborhood.

The minute I stepped outside, though, I stopped.

There he was.

Troy Alexander Bolton.

My best friend from ages 4 to 14. My neighbor. The person I played with, napped with, ate with, cried with, got sick with... everything you could imagine. We were inseparable. At school, we were glued at the hip. And then we came home and we would have snacks, play outside, go into his tree house and make secrets, make pacts, watch movies, do homework, do everything together. He was my first real friend. And I loved every single minute I spent with him.

"Gabriella," my mom waved to me upon seeing me, "come here!"

Shit. Fuck.

I quickly went over there and Lucille Bolton greeted me right away, hugging me and telling me how beautiful I've gotten yet I still looked the absolute same. Blah blah blah. Jack Bolton said hi as well, giving me a hug. And it was really nice to see them.

And then Troy smiled at me. That smile I've always loved. And haven't seen for three years. I couldn't take it.

"Hey stranger," he says as he gives me a hug, "long time no see."

"I know," is pretty much all I said, "welcome back."

This isn't the same Troy Bolton I knew. Physically, anyway. I mean, he still has the same piercing blue eyes that won't ever go away. But he no longer has braces. He no longer has an awkward haircut that he had to have in 8th grade because he moved and the barber messed up.

Troy Bolton grew up and he is fucking HOT.

And I mean... HOT.

Puberty did him well and I cannot believe how attractive he is. No, I can. I can believe it. He's always been so cute. But oh my gosh, I can't stop staring and it's probably freaking him out to be honest. So I stop. And listen to what our parents are talking about.

"Theresa and I have an anniversary party to go to tonight, but tomorrow, come over," my dad tells them, "we'll grill steaks, watch the game. Like old times."

"Yes!" my mom agrees, hanging onto my dad, "just like old times."

They agree of course and then they all decide five would be good and I'm just standing here going crazy in my head thinking about how nerve wracking it'll be for me and I'm not sure why. Oh maybe because I had the biggest crush on Troy the last year of our friendship to the point where I thought I was in love with him. But I was 14, what did I know? Nothing, probably. And I still don't. I'm only 17 years old.

Lucille grabbed onto Troy's arm and Jack's and gave us Montez' a smile. "Oh, it feels so good to be back. We're missed you guys and our home so much."

"And we've missed you," my mom tells her.

Then they offer to help them finish unloading and I probably should have too, but I'm not strong and I'd probably just be in the way so I just stand here while they go over to the u-haul and immediately start unloading some boxes.

And Troy stood here as well.

"Man, it's been a while," he says, shoving his hands in his pockets and letting out a small laugh.

"Yeah, it has," I agree, "three years."

"Which isn't that long, but it felt really long," he nods, "I mean, look at us. We both don't have braces. Do you still wear that Mickey Mouse sweater?"

I couldn't help, but laugh. It felt... nice. I suddenly didn't feel too awkward to be around him. "Hey, it was cool. And so comfortable. But sadly, I spilled paint all over it and had to throw it out. A few months ago actually. SO I've been on the hunt for one ever since."

He laughed as well, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure it was hard."

There is some distance here, of course. How could there no be after three years?

And it sucks because his friendship was everything to me and I cried so hard the day he told me they were moving. I couldn't help it. And I couldn't believe it. I think I may have gone overboard and may have told his parents that I hated them and they were ruining my life and if they were to move, I was going to die of boredom and depression. Ha. But I was being an emotional, over dramatic 8th grader who just wanted her best friend by her side.

When I say best friend, I mean BEST friend.

He was pretty much my only friend until I got to middle school and I met Madison and Blair. We both made tons of friends, but in the end, it was me and him and he was always at the top of my life. He was my best friend until death do us part, pretty much.

Or until I kissed him.

We didn't talk for three years. Three whole years.

Because the night before he left, I kissed him and I ruined everything we had. The friendship. In one split second, I ruined it.

I told him it was a mistake and the bolted out of there. The look on his face... the feelings were reciprocated and I panicked and just ran. I don't even know what I was thinking. Was he sending me some kind of signal that he was interested? Hardly. But something about that night, something about us sitting there talking about how he was moving... it just happened. I just kissed him. And it was the worst thing I could have done. I ruined it. It wasn't okay. We didn't talk. We didn't call. We didn't even write. Everything got ruined because I thought I was in love with my best friend and had the biggest crush on him.

"It's good to see you," Troy tells me.

And for some strange reason, I felt butterflies when he told me that.

It's good to see me.

God, it was good to see him, too. He was so, so beautiful. I couldn't get over it. "It's good to see you, too. How was Seattle?"

"Seattle was good," he nods, "made some great friends, but California's home so I'm happy."

'Well, I'm sure everyone's happy you're home."

And by everyone, I don't just mean his friends. I mean the people at school who will for sure crowd him the minute he steps foot into school. The girls. They're all gonna want him even though they didn't want him in middle school, but that's none of my business, I guess. It's all good.

He gives me a smile and then looks over at our parents, moving boxes. "I should probably go help them."

"Yeah," I nod, "go ahead."

I turned around to walk back to my house, but I heard him call my name.

So I stopped and turned to him. '"Yeah?"

"Really, it's good to see you."

He smiled and then was off to help his parents. And I stood there like a fucking idiot, just staring off not really knowing what to do or what to say. How to even react to that. All these feelings are coming back and I hate it. I hate them so much.

Just like that, though, Troy Bolton is back in my heart.

But to be honest, he never really left.


	2. Chapter 2

It's so weird looking outside my window and seeing Troy or a family member of his next door.

Because for the past three years, they haven't been there and I've gotten used to that. I've gotten used to them being home.

They're back now, though, and it's so hard.

"Why aren't you hanging out with Troy?" my mother comes into the living room, grabbing some throw pillows on the couch and fluffing them, "I figured you two would spend the day together the day after he got back. Maybe go out for some lunch or something..."

"Well, he's coming over later, anyway, so it's whatever."

"Yeah, you're right," she went on her way, nothing saying much else. Thank God.

I never told my parents, my mom, about our kiss. About how we don't talk anymore. I'm not sure what his parents know, but I'm pretty sure they probably still think we're as close as we used to be or are at least still in constant contact with each other. Because our moms would have said something if we weren't, if they knew. And it's not like I made this big thing about making my mom think we're still in touch. Nah. It just hardly came up. I think she just assumed we would because of how close we were and because of how big of a deal we made about staying in touch the minute we found out they were moving.

But we didn't. We didn't keep in touch.

And as I was flipping through channels to see what was on, the doorbell rang.

My mom immediately went over and opened the door and the next thing I knew she was shouting out, "Troy! Oh my gosh. I was just asking Gabriella why she wasn't hanging out with you and now here you are. Come in!"

Fuck. Fuck my life.

I quickly sat up on the couch and peeked my head out to the foyer where they were standing.

Troy chuckled a bit and I can see his back turned to me. He was facing my mom and even from the back, he looks hot. I don't even know what I'm saying, but God, he's so hot. "Yeah, well, I'm pretty busy right now, but we'll be here later. My mom just wanted me to give you this... your mail."

"This is gonna start happening again," my mom laughs. They used to always get our mail and vice versa. "It's good to have you guys back."

And then there's another ring at the door and my mom quickly shuffles over to get it.

This time, I get up because I'm curious as to who it can be.

It was Cole. My boyfriend.

"Oh, hi, Cole," my mom tells him sweetly, even though I know inside she's wondering what the hell he's over. You see, my mom doesn't really care for him, but she'll never be mean to his face. Ever. "I wasn't expecting you. Gabriella didn't tell me you were coming over."

He stepped and smiled at her, "thought I'd just stop by, if that's okay..."

And now I'm in the foyer, standing behind all of them. "What are you doing here?"

Troy and my mom turned to look at me while Cole just shrugs and gives me a weird look, "nothing, I was just on my way to run some errands, wanted to see if you wanted to join or something. You mentioned you wanted to get some new shoes and I'm going to the mall. Maybe we can get ice cream."

Um, I don't really.

But for some reason I'm going to say yes. Probably to show Troy that I haven't been moping around for him since I'm sure he thought I was in love with him.

That's beside the point right now, though. Way beside.

"Oh, yeah, sure, sounds like fun."

"We're having guests in a couple of hours, Gabriella," my mom tells me, almost in a way where she's kind of telling me she doesn't want me to go. not in a way where she's reminding me to be home by five or whatever. She's just not a fan of Cole and my relationship. Which sucks. "At 5."

"I know," I say.

And then there's a little bit of silence and my mom's giving me a look and I'm not even sure what it means.

But then she tells me exactly what she's thinking. "Aren't you going to introduce them?"

I wasn't planning on it.

Fuck. I should. I know I should. But I feel so weird about it. Troy probably doesn't because he's not the one who kissed me, he's not the one who ruined what we had. Now our friendship,or lack thereof, is ruined and I honestly don't really know if we're still friends, if we're gonna hang out. I'm not even sure. I know I'm being the weird one, but it's hard. It's hard having him back here after him being away for three years. It's fucking hard.

"Right," I pretend like I forgot, "Cole, this is Troy. Troy, this is Cole... my boyfriend."

"Of course," Troy says before shaking his hand.

Of course? Of course what? Of course I have a boyfriend which means he expects me to? Or like of course, of course I have one and he didn't expect me to wait around for him? I don't know. I'm going a little crazy trying t decide what it means... if it means anything significant at all.

"Troy lives right next door," my mom speaks up, "he used to live there, moved, and just moved back. Gaby and Troy are the best of friends."

The look Troy and I exchanged solidified that we were in fact no the best of friends anymore.

And that really, really sucked.

Cole looked at me as if he was asking me what the hell my mom was talking about. Probably because he's never heard of the name Troy. Cole moved here sophomore year and so he never met Troy and his name hasn't even been tossed around, and we've only been dating a very short time, but still, I haven't brought up the name and if he's supposedly my best friend, you would think I would. Why would I, though? Since a few weeks ago, he wasn't supposed to be in my life. But now he's here and I have no idea what the fuck to do about it.

"Yeah, well we should get going if I'm gonna be back by 5," I walk over and grab m purse from the table, "see ya guys."

My mom looks sort of mad like I'm leaving and ditching them and I can't tell what Troy's thinking.

For the first time in my life, I can't tell.

But Cole opens the door and leads us to his car and we go on our way. I look back, the door's still open because my mom left it open and I see her and Troy standing there laughing about something. And I wanna go back in there and know what it was about. We all used to laug ike that together and I'm getting emotional just thinking about it. Thinking about how life used to be and how it's not like that anymore.

I should have never kissed my best friend. Ugh.

"Who's Troy?"

"Someone that lives next door to me," I tell Cole as we're driving down my street.

"Yeah, but your mom said he was your best friend. I've never heard you mention him once in your life. Were you guys best friends?"

The best of friends, I think to myself. And now I'm just thinking about all the good times we've had, the sad times we stuck by each other, and all the hard times we had each other to lean on. It was a real friendship that I thought was going to last forever and even our kids would be friends.

But one day, when we were 13 years old, everything changed.

When I came out of my room wearing a dress I had bought for a family friends sweet sixteen, he told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world.

Obviously to him, he was just being the best friend that he could be. Complimenting me and making me feel good.

But to me, it meant more. I heard something else, like he maybe had some feelings for me. The way he said it, it just felt different. And that night, when we danced the night away and I realized how much fun I have with him, I seriously got to thinking about my feelings for him. But I read that wrong, of course. He didn't mean it in a way where he had feelings for me. And for the next year, during 8th grade, everything stayed the exact same. We hung out, we did the same things, we still told each other everything.

Everything stayed the same but my feelings for him. I had a serious, major crush on Troy Bolton that turned into realizing I could love him.

And the night he left, I kissed him because I just had to let him know.

His reaction was everything I wanted it NOT to be, though. He was shocked, he was taken aback, he was surprised, but mostly, I think he was completely weirded out. He couldn't even really talk. He just asked what I was doing and I knew it was going to turn into a speech about how we're the best of friends and he doesn't want to ruin it and blah blah blah. So, again, I told him it was a mistake and got the fuck out of there.

"We were," I looked out the window, "we're not anymore."

"No?"

I shake my head, not wanting to talk about it anymore, "no. He left. I don't really know him anymore. It's been three years."

That was pretty much all that was said.

Troy Bolton left, without saying a word, without really saying how he felt about the whole thing, so I took it as a sign that he wanted nothing to do with me. And that I messed everything up. He didn't come to my house the next morning to say goodbye. He didn't call me or write me or anything.

Now that he's back here, though, I wish I hadn't kissed him.

Because I miss my best friend.

* * *

"How was shopping?"

Fuck. He scared me. "Um, it was good."

Troy chuckled a bit as I shut the door behind me. I put down my shopping bags and looked around my house. I couldn't see his family, but I knew they were here obviously. in the back. I mean, I am 20 minutes late. Oops. Whatever.

"Don't worry, your mom's not mad that you're late."

I know," I say, almost in a defensive tone.

I texted her telling her I was going to be a few minutes late because I had to stop by Madison's to pick up the form she wanted from her mom. And since it benefited her, she didn't get upset. But if anyone knows my mom, they know that she's very punctual and she expects everyone else to be. She hates when people are late. So I think I'm almost a little mad at Troy for thinking he could just come back into our lives and act like he still knows everything.

Troy just nodded his head, "okay, well, food's almost ready..."

"Wait, where are you going?" I ask as he walks past me and opens the front door.

"Home," he says.

I expected more, but um, okay. "Why?"

He turned around, taking his hand off the doorknob for a second, "I don't feel well, probably something I ate."

"Oh okay."

He gives me a small smile and then proceeds to walk out the door. And I turned around and went outside to where everyone was. My parents, my sister and her best friend, and Troy's parents along with his sister, who I assume knows everything since her and Troy are pretty closer. I mean, my sister knows. But whatever. They all greeted me and before I knew it, we were all sitting around and talking like old time. Laughing like old times. It felt like old times.

The only thing missing was Troy.

"What's wrong with Troy?" I ask his mom.

"Oh, he's feeling sick," Lucille tells me reaching for some watermelon, "he had sushi for lunch so maybe it just didn't sit well."

Suddenly, I'm back in the mode where I wanna take care of him. Like I did when we were younger. When he would get a cold, I'd bring him tissues and cough drops and movies and we'd hang out and battle the cold together even though I didn't have one. Of course I always got it a few days later and then the roles reversed. And that's always how it was. Even though he had a mom that provided him with things when he was sick, I still took it upon myself to.

Things are different now, though. We both know that.

But I'll make the first step. Maybe I'll try to see if we can be friends. Obviously not like before, but enough to make our parents think nothing happened.

"I'll be right back," I smile at everything and get up and walk away from the table.

I quickly go to the kitchen, grab a pot and fill it with water. I put it to boil as I grab a mug and a tea bag that does wonders for your stomach. As soon as the water is boiled, I dump it in the mug and let it cool for a minute. I go over to the cabinets and take out some honey followed by a lemon from the fridge.

Teas work wonders and it'll make his stomach feel better, I know it will.

I'm nervous, though. It seemed like he was trying to get out of here, like he didn't really care to talk.

So maybe this won't be such a good idea. But I suck it up and pour the honey and drizzle some lemon and take it over to him.

I take a deep breath, hold on to his hot cup firmly and then ring his doorbell.

"What are you doing?" He asks me.

"Heard you weren't feeling well," I give him a small smile and a shrug and present him the tea, "you want it?"

It looked like he almost doesn't believe it. And I don't blame him. I've been kinda cold to him. But what did he expect? He moved, he didn't say anything to me and that was that. Our lives moved on. He made them move on.

We were once the best of friends, though, and that's not something you forget. If I had my way, we'd still be best friends. I have Madison, but it's different. Troy knew the ins and outs of my life. He knew what made me mad, happy, sad, etc. Madison knows half of that. And so to this day, he will always be the best friend I've ever had. And I want it back. I know it's not going to be the same, but I can put forth the effort a bit, which is what I'm doing right now.

"Um, yeah, sure," he steps aside, opening the door even more, "come in."

For the first time in tree years, I step into the home I used to be at almost every day. And it was kinda emotional, to be honest.

But I put a small smile on my face and look around. It was different, but the exact same. And it felt weird standing here, but it also felt great. "I get if you wanna be by yourself. I just thought I'd bring over some tea. Sucks you had to miss out on all the great food.""

"No, yeah, it's fine," he closes the door behind him and holds onto the tea, "it was probably just something I ate. I'm sure this tea will help."

"Cool," is all I manage to say.

"Thanks," he tells me, "this was nice of you."

And now there's a silence and I honestly don't know where to go from here. It's weird. We were the kind of friends that knew if we didn't see each other for months or maybe even years, the minute we saw each other, it would be completely fine and normal. But throw a kiss in there and it messes it all up.

Absolutely everything.

 _"I can't believe you're actually leaving tomorrow."_

 _"Don't remind me," Troy tells me, giving me a piece of chocolate to put in the middle of my graham crackers for my s'more, "I'm so bummed."_

 _I might be more bummed. For other reasons than he thinks. but I could never tell him that. No way. It would ruin everything and that's the last thing I want. We didn't spend ten years on this friendship for nothing. "I'm sure you'll love Seattle, though."_

 _Troy looks at me and kind of just laughs, "nonstop rain?"_

 _"You like the rain," I remind him._

 _"Yeah, for sure, but I can't imagine liking it every single day," he grabs a marshmallow and sticks it on a skewer, "nothing beats the California sunshine."_

 _True. "You're gonna make a ton of new friends, though. And probably even get yourself a girlfriend."_

 _He didn't say anything for a moment. I mean, I thought I was being nice and supportive. Did I say something wrong? Maybe he's just thinking about all his friends here and how he's going to miss them. I definitely would be if I were the one who was moving away to a different state._

 _"Troy?"_

 _"Sorry," he shakes his head and leans the skewer into the fire to toast his marshmallow, "I'm not so sure about that."_

 _"About what? Making friends?"_

 _He shrugs, "getting a girlfriend. High school girlfriends are pointless."_

 _Pointless? Whoa, okay. I didn't know he felt this way. I guess they could be pointless. 90 percent probably don't work out. But I'm sure it's nice dating someone. "You don't have to get married to them. It's just someone to have fun with."_

 _"Yeah, maybe," he shrugs again, bring his marshmallow back to him to put in the middle of his graham crackers._

 _"I'm sure girls will line up once they see the new kid and realize he's this cool, attractive guy."_

 _I'm not sure why I just said that. When we were eight, I'd tell him I love his eyes and that his haircut was so cute. And he told me he loved my long hair and my laugh. But we're older now and at an age where thinking about boys and girls is happening and so maybe these comments are too much now. Well, obviously it's too much now because he told me I was beautiful and everything changed for me. It made me realize different things and realize that I have feelings for him. But it just slipped. I haven't called him cute or anything like that since we've entered middle school. And so I think he was taken aback by it._

 _Because he was real quiet._

 _After a moment, though, he turned to me, "you think so?"_

 _"I do," I whisper, looking into his bright blue eyes. I couldn't help it. They were so bright. And he was so fucking cute._

 _"Thanks," is all he said in a soft voice, still keeping eye contact with me._

 _Everything suddenly feels different. I don't feel like I'm talking to my best friend. I feel like I'm sitting here, nervously talking and flirting with some guy I like. And he happens to be my best friend. And it could not be a more complicated situation, but I can't help it. I can't help but feel things for him._

 _Real things. Romantic feelings._

 _Troy Bolton is the greatest guy I've ever known._

 _He wouldn't hurt a fly so I know he'll never hurt me. Ever. And that's not just what is drawing me in. It's everything._

 _From the way he makes me feel to the way he treats people and everything in between. Any girl would be lucky to have him and I so badly wanna be that girl. I wanna be that girl who can be his best friend and his girlfriend and be cute together and make a ton of memories together with endless pictures. And share secrets and know that they can count on them for anything and everything._

 _I just want him to make me happy and I want to make him happy._

 _But I know it's harder than that._

 _All of a sudden, I feel myself leaning in and I can't tell if he is, but at this point, I'm in too deep and I'm going for it._

 _I kiss him._

 _And it felt magical. Absolutely magical. The second my lips touched his, I felt butterflies in my stomach, I swear I felt electricity running through my body. It felt like it was the right thing to do because of how good it was making me feel.  
_

 _But when I didn't feel him kiss back after a moment, I pulled away. Nervous. Embarrassed. And anxious._

 _"What are you doing?"_

 _"Sorry," I tell him, realizing by the tone in his voice that this was something he wasn't expecting this. And I wasn't either, to be honest. Also, that look he gave me meant I think meant absolutely nothing other than friendship. "Sorry, I don't know"_

 _"You don't know?" He asks me._

 _No. I don't. I don't know anything. "Forget it. Can you pass me a marshmallow?"_

 _He's not letting it go, though. "Why'd you do that for?"_

 _Gosh, how embarrassing. I'm so freaking embarrassed. He doesn't want me. I'm such an idiot. The biggest idiot. If he did want me, he'd be kissing me right now, his hands in my hair, my arms around his neck and it would be magical. Instead, he's asking why I did that, why I kissed him. And it all just fucking sucks. "It was a mistake, okay? Give me a fucking marshmallow!"_

 _"A mistake?" he repeats my words to me._

 _"Yes," I get up, dropping everything I had in my lap on the chair, "it was a stupid fucking mistake and I'm gonna go now..."_

 _And with that, I walked away._

 _I couldn't be in his presence right now. I know leaving makes it seem like it wasn't a mistake and I wanted it to happen and now I'm running because I'm embarrassed, but I just couldn't sit there. I'd probably start crying knowing he doesn't feel the same way, knowing he probably doesn't wanna mess it all up. And I don't wanna mess our friendship up either, believe me, it's special, but I just can't help these feelings. If I could, I would. But I can't. I can't help but like him as more than a friend now. We've grown up. We're at that age where we're starting to think about the significant other and he's everything I would ever want in a boyfriend. In the last few months, I've come to the realization that it's not just some hardcore crush. It's genuine feelings as more than a friend and it's so fucking hard to be in his presence now and just be his friend._

 _But that's what I'm gonna have to do from now on._

 _Tomorrow morning, everything will be fine. We'll forget about the kiss and laugh at how dumb I was being. I'll remind him it was a "mistake."_

 _For now, though, I'm gonna crawl into bed and try not to think about it._

 _Yeah, right._

"Gabriella!? I hear my name.

"Sorry," I snap out of it, "sorry. What?"

Troy chuckled a bit, "nothing I was just asking if you were staying or if you were going..."

Um. I was hoping I'd stay, but honestly, it's hard and I think it'll probably end up being awkward because how could we not talk about that night? Obviously I'm going to reiterate that it was a mistake, but I just don't wanna talk about it so I hope to God he doesn't bring it up.

To be honest, the reason I've been a little cold towards him is because he didn't keep in touch. I know I scared him away, but as a best friend, as someone who's been my friend for YEARS, he should have at least texted me.

But nope. I got nothing. For three whole years, Troy and I didn't speak at all.

"Oh, I can go," I tell him, sensing he didn't exactly want me here. After all, he's the one that shut me out. "I know you're not feeling well."

"I don't mind," he says.

And then the ball's back in my court. And I have no idea what to do and what to say to him.

No one understands how hard this is. Having someone back after some years apart who was your best friend, but they're pretty much not anymore. It would be so great if we could just pick up where we left off, but we can't. Things happened. And he shut me out. He didn't call me. He didn't text me. He didn't reach out to me. He was so freaked out by the kiss that he cut me off completely and that hurt so bad. It hurt more than he probably knows. This guy who was my best friend in the entire world and he so easily could shut me out after one stupid kiss hurt me so bad.

I resent him a little bit for it.

And I understand I'm the one that made things complicated and difficult, but I texted him. I called. And after a week of trying, I gave up.

Now, he's back and I really don't know where he wants to go from here.

But we're in the living room now and I'm sitting on the couch and he's sitting on the other one, diagonal from me, and we're both not saying anything. He's sipping on the tea I brought him and I'm waiting for him to start a conversation or something.

Which he does after a moment of so. "So, are you excited for senior year to start?"

"Yeah," I give him a small smile, "it should be fun."

"Hopefully," he nods and I'm sure it will be for him. He had so many friends before leaving and I'm sure they're all excited he's back. Plus, girls will be flocking to him. I know they will. He'll have no trouble adjusting, getting back into the swing of things here. "I can't believe we're seniors. I feel like just yesterday we were entering kindergarten, getting through elementary school together. And now we're tackling our senior year."

The way he said that, it's like we're friends or something and we're about to embark on another journey together.

But that's not the case here anymore.

And all of a sudden, I felt really uncomfortable and I realized I wasn't in the presence of a guy who used to be my best friend. Troy was pretty much just some guy now. And that made me feel horrible. But it's true. And it sucks.

I couldn't sit here in front of him acting like everything's fine. Like nothing happened between us.

"Sorry," I shake my head a bit and get up, "I can't do this. I, um, I have to go..."

"What?" he looks confused as he gets up, putting his tea down on the coffee table, "do what? Come on, don't leave..."

But I shake my head and walk into his foyer where he follows me. "I can't sit here and pretend like everything's okay. I'm so mad at you. You didn't call me, you didn't text me, you didn't keep in touch with me. And I know I did something incredibly stupid, but it shouldn't have caused this much..."

Troy looked me right in the eyes and I almost melted for a second. I swear. "Everything's not okay, but that's not true. I did..."

He didn't. But he's just trying to save face. "So, I can't stay here."

"I'm not asking for it to be like before," he says, "but we're neighbors again, we're going to the same school and we were once the most important person to each other and that's gotta count for something. Being here and not talking to you would be... weird."

"It would be," I agree, "but it's hard."

"I'm sorry," he apologizes and I'm not sure why. Probably because he didn't keep in touch. "I don't want it to be like this. I wanna be friends."

If I could go back in time and not kiss him, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I lost my best friend.

And now I'm standing here in front of him not really knowing what to say or what to do. He's right. Him being here and not talking to him would be so weird. But I've gone the past three years not talking to him, I think I could go for the rest of the school year. It's just hard... it's a really tough situation and I'm sad.

"Yeah, well, it didn't seem like you wanted to be."

"What was I supposed to do?"

Um, KEEP IN TOUCH. Or you know, maybe kiss back and it wouldn't be this way.

Obviously, I can't say that. So I don't. I just stand here for a moment and try to think of something to say. Everything's different now, yes, but cutting him out of my life when he's here just seems SO weird. "Forget it. I just don't really know where to go from here."

"I get it," he says, "it's different now, but I just don't want this awkwardness. It's never been this way and I don't like it."

"Well, I don't like it either," I agree with him.

Sure, I started it, but he's the one that shut me out completely so if anything, all this tension and awkwardness is his fault. I woke up that morning trying to forget what happened and expected to laugh about it with him and say bye and have it all be fine. But no. He left without saying one word to me. He left and didn't keep in contact. He's the one who messed this friendship up. Well, he half messed it up. I started the whole mess, but he definitely finished it.

Troy gave me a small smile, "it doesn't have to be like before, but I just don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you." I would never want him to think that. I don't know why he would think that. I hate him because he didn't like me back? Oh please. If that's what he's saying, it's kinda insulting. "I don't hate you at all."

"Okay," he keeps the smile on his face, "well, I guess we'll take it day by day."

That seems fair. And reasonable. But for me, feeling what I felt for him, it might be a little harder. "Yeah, okay, sounds good."

It's better than nothing, though.


	3. Chapter 3

"Do you want something to drink?" Cole asks me as soon as he greets me.

"Uh, yeah, but you're not supposed to be having anything."

He dismissed it like nothing and grabbed a cup from the top of the bar and poured me some captain Morgan along with some coke. He knew I wasn't going to let it go though so as soon as he handed me his drink, he explained himself, "babe, Patrick forced me to do a couple of shots with him, I couldn't..."

Nope. I'm interrupting. "You're supposed to drive me home, Cole! You said you wouldn't drink tonight."

"And I had every intention not to, but you see, our scrimmage got canceled tomorrow morning, I just found out, Patrick was standing there with shots so what was I supposed to do? Miss out on having fun?"

"That's dumb, you can have fun without drinking," I remind him and then take the drink from him, "don't talk to me tonight. I'm mad at you."

He didn't really try to stop me, but before I left, I reached into his pockets for his keys so he wouldn't drink and drive.

And he just let me, which was good, I guess.

If I was the best girlfriend, I would reject this drink and sacrifice this night to drive his car and him home. But he wasn't responsible and now I'm just being spiteful, really. I don't need to drink at all. I could easily throw this drink away because I'm not even a big drinker. But he just made me so mad that I'm not going to take him home. He's going to have to call his parents, his sister or whoever and get a ride home from them. He's not my responsibility tonight and I'm not his and we'll just do our own thing tonight and I'll find my own ride. Maybe my sister can come back and pick me up.

Or maybe not since she dropped me off and then went straight home to sleep.

Whatever. I know I'm not being a good girlfriend, but he's got to learn that he can't just do that.

"What's wrong?" Morgan picks up on me being upset.

"Nothing," I sigh and sit down next to her even though I'm about to tell her what's wrong, "Cole is being so fucking annoying. If you say you're not gonna drink and you can give me a ride home, then don't fucking drink. It's not that hard. 'Oh, Patrick forced me to do a couple shots...' Fuck that shit."

"Whoa," Morgan puts her drink down and turns to me, "you're really mad?""

I put my drink down, too. "Of course I'm mad! You're drinking, Jenna's drinking, everyone's drinking and now I don't have a ride situated!"

Knowing Morgan, she's going to tell me to calm down. "Okay, calm down." Yep, see. "It's not the end of the world. Lindsay's taking me home, I'm sure she can take you home as well..."

"Fine, I'll ask her next time I see her around," I give him. I mean, what other option do I have?"

She sighs and looks around. "It honestly shouldn't be hard to find a ride."

"I know, I'm just annoyed because Cole is irresponsible and now I feel like I can't relax and have a good time because I'll be thinking about it all night."

"Well, try not to," she hands me back my drink as she picks up hers as well, "we're celebrating the end of summer which shouldn't really be a celebration, but we're seniors now and we're going to have the best time, ever. Think about that and just have fun!"

She's right. I need to just relax and have fun.

Worse comes to worse, I'll wake up my sister and have her come get me. She'll be pissed off and I'll feel bad, but she'll still come get me.

For now, I just need to relax and hang out with my friends.

But the second I tell myself to, I turn and see that Troy Bolton has walked into this party with his friend Michael and now everything's a little blurry, a little more surreal. Seeing him here... at a party... with people I go to school with, people he went to school with... it's real.

He's back in town.

And I'll have to see him everything. School. Parties. AT FREAKING HOME.

"You okay?" Morgan asks me after she notices who I'm looking at. "Did you know he was coming?"

"No," I shake my head slightly as I sip on my drink. "But I'm fine. We... things are fine. I mean, I'm not gonna get up and greet him, but if he were to come over here and say hi, it'll be fine. We cleared the air and I honestly think it's just best if we're friendly, but not too friendly with each other.

"It's gonna take some time, but you guys were best friends. I mean, can you really imagine your life without him?"

No. I can't. I really, really can't.

But I went three years without talking to him or seeing him. I can go however much longer it takes for us to get to a place where we're extremely fine with each other and we can laugh about things again.

For now, though, I'm just going to sit here and do my thing while he does his.

Which apparently is taking to Jessica Stein, who's a total slut.

"No, but it's going to take time, like you said," I tell Morgan, trying not to look over at what he was doing, "it's fine. We're fine."

"Good," she smiles at me.

But I can only look away for so long.

Him and Jessica Stein? Really? I mean, I knew someone was going to pounce on him the second he stepped foot into school. He's hot. He GOT really hot and everyone's going to notice and everyone's going to pretend like they would have given him a chance in middle school and blah blah blah. But Jessica Stein? Ugh. She sucks. Literally and figuratively. And that might be a little bit too much of information, but it's the truth.

She'll hook up with any guy, drunk or not, and then go about her day, not caring who she hurt in the process. It's the worst. She's the worst.

Well, she's not the worst because she's nice and funny and occasional fun to be around, but she's just totally out there. She's what you call a slut and I hate using those words, but it's the best way to describe her, really. I have no other way.

And her and Troy are talking. She's laughing while she puts her arm on his shoulder and he's smiling at her and I'm sitting here throwing daggers.

I feel this need to protect Troy.

That's exactly how I felt when I was his best friend and he was mine.

"You know you can't say anything," Morgan catches on to what's happening here, "he'll just think you're jealous."

"But I'm not. I'm just... he doesn't know how she is."

"He'll figure it out," Morgan shrugs, "or he won't. That's not your problem. Trust me, if things were the way they were, you can totally go over there and warn him, but they're not and it'll only cause more tension. And that's the last thing you guys want. Maybe they're just talking, maybe he's not interested."

Oh please. Who isn't interested in Jessica Stein? Blond, big green eyes, nice smile.

Trust me, he's interested. But she's right. It wouldn't be good. So, I just sit back and hope he realizes it for himself.

I don't need to involve myself in that whatsoever.

Troy Bolton can do whatever he wants.

* * *

"Do you want a ride?"

I turn around and see Troy standing there offering me a ride. "What?"

He gave me a small smile as he took a step back and I took one forward, moving a bit away from some people. "I don't know. I saw your car when I left earlier and I just figured... I'm going that way, so why not?"

He's my best option, honestly. It's perfect. But I don't know if I want to leave just yet because I'm having fun with all my friends.

I turn around, see Morgan and all our friends finishing their round of beer pong and contemplate it.

To be honest, I should. I don't have my ride situated yet. It's 12:30. People are only getting drunker or they're starting to leave. This is my best bet. Sure, it might not be like it was before, but how awkward could a car ride be? Especially since I'm drinks in. I'm slightly drunk which makes things easier.

"Sure," I nod, accepting his offer, "thanks."

"Alright," he says, "um, I'll meet you in the front?"

I tell him yes and when he turns around to walk away, I head over to Morgan and tell her what's going on.

And then when I say bye to my friends, I grab my sweater and a water bottle because I'm parched and head to the front.

Troy's standing there, his keys in hand, and I wait a moment before I walk up to him. I don't know why. I'm just standing here looking at his profile view as he stares down at his phone. And I can definitely believe he became this attractive, but seeing it is so hard. He's so beautiful. And not only that, but the Troy I knew, the Troy I hope he still is, has such a beautiful heart, as cheesy as that sounds, that it makes him ten times more attractive.

It's honestly not fair at all.

I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the first time I'm ever going to ride in a car with him.

"How long have you had your license?"

"As long as I possibly could," he says, putting the car in drive and slowly pulling out of the parking space he was in, "The day I turned 15 and a half, I took my permit test and then got it when I was 16. So almost two years."

Same with me. It was just conversation, really. Also, I don't like getting in cars with people who have only had their license for like two weeks. But I feel a little more relaxed now. Wait. Did he drink anything? Is he drinking and driving? But I don't wanna bring him up and accuse him.

No, now that I think about it, every time I looked over at him tonight, which was a lot, he had nothing in his hand.

"So, who was going to give you a ride home?"

"Um, Cole," I say, hoping he doesn't really ask for details, but then I decide to just give him the gist of it, "he decided he wanted to drink tonight."

"He's not driving, is he?"

I shake my head, a little appericative of how he seemed concerned about it. "Nah, I took his keys."

"Oh," he says, like he doesn't know what else to say. Like he doesn't really want to say anything else to upset me. But at the point, my anger towards Cole is all racked up. There's no way someone else could make me more mad. "Well, I'll get you home."

He'll get me home.

Troy. Troy Bolton. My ex best friend. And the guy I thought I loved.

"Thanks," I get out before looking out the window and making it completely silent.

But it didn't last very long, because he spoke up after a minute or so, "how long have you two been together?"

Ughhh. This isn't what I wanna talk about. But this is what friends talk about. He's trying here. I just... I feel weird. I know he doesn't because there was nothing on his end, but on my end, I felt something for him. Something strong. I thought it was love. Maybe it was love, I don't know. I didn't have the chance to explore it. And now he's asking about my relationship and I shouldn't care, I should happily tell him about it, but it's just weird.

"Um, not that long," I say, a bit embarrassed by it. I don't really know why. I wish we were together longer so I could gush about how great he is and make him jealous or feel bad that he didn't explore something with me. "A month."

"Really?" he glances over at me. "A month?"

"Yeah," I'm a little confused by his reaction, "why?"

He shakes his head a bit as he turns on his turning signal to turn right, "no, I just thought longer. Your mom made it seem that way..."

My mom? He's talked to my mom about our relationship? Ummm. "What? What did she say?"

"Nothing much," he says, "that day you were out with him, my mom asked where you were so it got brought up and the way your mom spoke about him, we just assumed you guys had been together longer, that's it. Your mom just made it seem like you guys have been together for months or something."

"In what way?" I really wanna know.

"Your mom offered my mom some chocolate covered raisins, but when she went to get them, you guys were all out and she just said that Cole probably ate them all and mentioned something like, that boy is too comfortable around here."

That's what I thought.

My mom HATES that. She hates that it took him only a week or two to come into our home, open the fridge and help himself to what he wanted.

And I get it. I get how that's annoying. But I'm not going to fight with my boyfriend over something so trivial. I'm saving our fights for nights like tonight, you know? So I've never said anything and it bugs the shit out of my mom. Of course I offer him food, but even if I don't, he'll go into the fridge and take whatever he wants. He doesn't even ask if it's anyone's.

And yes, I completely understand where my mom's coming from so I'm not upset that she hates that whatsoever.

But why does she have to tell people about it?

Screw it. I don't even care at this point. "My mom's not really a fan of him, so it doesn't surprise me that she would badmouth him to you guys."

"She wasn't badmouthing him," Troy defends her, "not at all. I mean, if people really knew her and could read her easily, yeah, sure, you'll definitely be able to tell her dislike towards him, but she didn't come out and say all these nasty things about him."

"Oh," is all I manage to say, "well, yeah, she doesn't really care for him."

"My mom didn't like my last girlfriend," he tells me as he turns right onto another street, "I guess most people aren't good enough for their kids, you know?"

Yeah, I guess.

But all I can think about right now is that he had a girlfriend.

Troy Bolton had a girlfriend in Seattle and I had no idea. I mean, why should I? I shouldn't. All his social media accounts were private and no one really talked to me about him so how would I know? I wouldn't. But ugh. He had a girlfriend. And I don't know why I feel weird about that. I figured he'd go off and get a girlfriend, but hearing it... it's real. He rejected me, he went to Seattle and got himself a girlfriend.

I guess I'm not good enough for him, either. "Yeah, I guess so, I don't know, my mom will come around eventually."

"I'm sure she will," he glances over at me and I can see a small smile on his face.

And for the rest of the ride home, I just sit here looking out the window wondering how life would be if Troy Bolton never moved away.

Would we still be friends?

I wonder about this from time to time.

We were the best of friends. As close as people could get without the binding of marriage and without DNA connecting them. So I want to think we'd still be the best of friends and that high school shit didn't get in the way. We wouldn't have drifted apart after making a bunch of new friends in different classes. But who knows. NO, I know. I know that if he had stayed and I didn't kiss him, we'd still be the best of friends, for sure. Definitely.

Before I know it, he's pulling into his driveway and we're home.

I grab my purse, take off my seat belt and quickly open the door. I just want to go to sleep already.

"Thanks for the ride."

"Anytime," he says, "are you fine?"

I give him a small smile and grab my keys out of my purse to let him know that yes, I'm fine, I have my house keys and I'll get into my house just fine. He probably knows my parents are out of town, but my sister's here and we have the greatest neighbors who will keep an eye on us. "I'm fine."

Troy gives me a smile and kind of just stands there for a moment, I think not knowing when he should walk away.

So instead of him walking away first, I walk away.

I give him another small smile, thank him again and then head to my house.

What a night...


	4. Chapter 4

"Bye, mom! I'll see you later!"

"Wait!" She calls after me, coming halfway down the stairs, "you're getting picked up?"

"Yeah, Kylie's here," I tell her, a little confused by the concerned look on her face. "Why, what's up?"

She shakes her head as she puts an earring through her ear hole and closes it. She takes the other one and does the same thing. "Nothing, I just thought you might carpool with Troy. I mean, you guys always did and he's back now, you both have cars. You shouldn't make Kylie pick you up. And you should probably be there with Troy on his first day back. He hasn't been to high school here."

Fuck. I tried to avoid this conversation with her.

But the truth is, I don't wanna carpool with Troy. I really, really don't.

I don't want to force this new friendship. If it happens, it happens. And I'm not going to ask him for rides to school and I don't really care to offer them.

The car ride to school is not long at all, but it's just something that doesn't really need to happen. Sure, it's the easiest way to start our friendship back up again, but I don't know. I don't wanna force it. If he asks me, sure, but I don't really think I'm going to go out of my way to ask him. And what sucks is my mom will definitely know something's up so it'll suck, but I think I can manage to get away with it somehow.

Maybe for today, anyway.

"I don't have gas in my car and I'm on Kylie's way. Her sister graduated so she didn't really want to go alone the first day. I'll meet up with him!"

"Okay," my mom bought it. Partially because it's true and because I think she's in a rush to get ready for work. "Well, if you guys make a habit of this, you and Kylie driving each other to school, you should at least offer Troy a ride or something."

Ugh. What's up with her and Troy? Yesterday when I was going to the mall with Morgan, she asked if I wanted to invite him as well.

Sure, she thinks we're still friends and everything, but it's weird.

Maybe she just wants to make him feel like he belongs again and that we're happy he's home or whatever.

I get it. But eh.

"Yeah, sure," I tell her with a smile.

And then I tell her bye, to have a good day at work, that I love her and she does the same. I walk out of my house to see Kylie in my driveway, halfway in waiting for me, texting away on her phone. I don't have gas, that part's true. But Kylie doesn't care about walking into school alone. And I don't even know why my mom bought it. I mean, she's known Kylie for years. She's the life of the party. She's not shy. She's outgoing, outspoken, and the friendliest girl to be around. Why would she care about walking into school without someone by her side?

Whatever. I push that out of my mind, that my mom maybe didn't buy it, and get inside her car.

"Ready for senior year?"

"Sure," I laugh, buckling up, "you?"

"I'm so excited," she sends the text she was writing and then plugs her phone into her charger, "we're seniors. So many fun things to do. Formal, prom, senior activities, ditch day. I mean, we're almost done with high school, Gabs. We're almost done with having to see people we don't really want to."

Again, I laugh. That's a good way to look at it. You're not going to be stuck in a class with people who annoy you.

Or people you've been going to school with for way too long.

"It'll be fun," I lean back and take a deep breath. Senior year. Finally. "I can't wait."

"And I'm so glad we have some classes together," she puts her car in reverse and looks over her shoulder to see if she's in the clear to pull out. Once she is, she slowly pulls out of my driveway. "Oh, we're all thinking about getting sushi after school. You down?"

"Well, you're my ride, so anywhere you go, I go."

Kylie laughs as she puts her car back in drive and drives down my street, "good. And oh, I just saw Troy. He was leaving for school, too."

Of course he was. And I bet he looked hot. "Oh, did you say hi?"

"Nah, but I saw him at the party the other night and we talked a bit," she says, turning right at the end of my block to get onto the major street, "I know there's probably weirdness between you guys so I don't know if, like, you don't really want me to talk to him or..."

"What? No. I don't care," I shake my head, "I mean, no, I can't tell you to not talk to him."

"I'd completely understand," she says, "but I'm just saying. You guys left things... not so good. So, I don't know. He's still the nice guy he always was."

He does seem that way, doesn't he? I want to say to her, but I don't.

Instead, I'm thinking about that night again.

But I quickly stop because I can't get emotional right now. Not before school. If Kylie wants to talk to him, she can. Heck, if she and her boyfriend want to hang out with him, she can. They were all friends. I remember in 8th grade, him, Kylie, this guy Leo and a couple of other people ditched school together and ate pizza and went swimming and spent the whole day together. I was invited, but I was too much of a do gooder and didn't want to get behind.

They were friends. And I'm not going to tell her not to be friends with him now that he's back in town.

"You can hang out with him all you want. If he has a girlfriend, if he gets a girlfriend, you and Cody can even double date."

"Gabs," she rolls her eyes, "come on, don't be so dramatic."

"I'm not. I'm just saying. I'm so over it. I'm over pining over him, feeling like he completely broke me apart. I'm over feelings things for him. I'm over hoping he would come back and things would be the same or he'd feel the same way. I have Cole now and I don't need the stress of him."

Kylie stayed quiet.

I don't think she expected it to go there.

But I was just having a moment. A moment of venting. And now I'm done. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she says, coming to a red light, "no. Him leaving and not saying a word was shitty, I get that. But maybe he just didn't know where to go from there and if it happened, you kissing him, on a random day and he wasn't leaving then maybe you guys could have settled it, talked about it. But he left and it was just this weird thing and he probably didn't know how to act. I'm not defending him, I'm just maybe trying to find a reason. It was shitty, though.

"It was. He shut me out completely. Even as a friend. He didn't want me. He doesn't want me and it's just so hard trying to move past it all."

"I know it is," she understands, I know she does, "you guys were the best of friends, but that's something that just doesn't go away."

No, it's not. I'll always care about him. Always.

But this time apart, it's real and it's our new reality and I just have to deal with it now that he's back.

It's so, so hard trying to be friends with him. It really and truly is.

Ugh.

* * *

Senior year was supposed to be the most fun time of my life.

When the bell rang on the last day of junior year, I thought about how next year would be better than this.

But I'm not sure about that anymore.

Troy Bolton is in two of my classes and I don't even know what to do about it. I sit next to him in one, but the desks are in rows and so he's not RIGHT next to me. He's a couple feet away by still. It's slightly awkward. He's here. He's back in my life. And we're going to school together again. It's weird.

And right now, I'm currently sitting in the quad waiting for my friends, looking like such a loner, and Troy is across from me talking to Samantha Reed.

Uggghhhhh.

First Jessica Stein, now Samantha Reed? What the fuck. Why is he talking to them?

I get Samantha, though. We all used to go to school together. Jessica was different because she didn't go to middle school with us. And I guess Samantha is better. I mean, she's just as pretty, but less skanky, so whatever. I don't even know why I'm thinking about all of this.

And then Cole comes up behind me to remind me that I have absolutely no room for jealously and I shouldn't be mad that Troy is talking to some girl.

I have a boyfriend. A freaking boyfriend!

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting for my friends," I tell him, barely making any eye contact.

"Come on, Gabs, you can't still be mad at me. I apologized! What more do you want from me?"

I want a boyfriend who's not such an ass who thinks about having more fun than being responsible. That's what I want. But I'm not going to start a fight at school. Nope. No one needs to know we're fighting. "Cole, I'm not talking to you about this here. It's fine..."

But he didn't drop it. "It's obviously not fine if you're barely looking at me or returning any of my texts. I'm sorry, okay?"

"Okay," is all I say before getting up.

"We're good?"

I'm not going to break up with him over this. But I just need some space. A day or so more. And then I'll be over it. Right now, I'm still a little mad. "Sure, but I don't wanna hang out with you right now and so, I'm going to walk away and maybe tomorrow I'll be completely okay with you."

Cole looked like he couldn't believe what was happening. But what does he expect?

As I turned around from talking to him, I saw Troy looking over at me. He quickly looked away and back to Samantha.

Fuck. I don't need him knowing we're still fighting.

I just don't want him standing there thinking that things are going downhill with my boyfriend the second he steps back into town. He'll probably think I'm still into him or whatever. Or he might think nothing at all. I have no idea. Maybe I'm being weird about the whole thing. But just in case he does think something about it, I turn around, and kiss Cole on the lips. He doesn't kiss back or anything because I'm already removing myself. I said nothing besides kiss him and then turned around, to Troy looking once again, and just smiled to myself. It's exactly what I wanted to happen and it happened.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I tell my friend Blair as soon as I reach her, "can we go now? I'm starving."

She fishes for her keys in her purse as we start walking towards the parking lot. "So, Kylie's not coming?"

I shake my head, "nah, only me, you, and Mads. She had to go pick up her brother and sister."

Blair didn't say much else. We just walked to her car where Madison was standing there, waiting for us, which annoyed me because I was waiting for her in the quad! Whatever. All I want right now is some food and to forget all about my boyfriend for the afternoon. I'm still mad at him.

"What's up with you?"

"Nothing," I tell Madison as we get situated in our booth ten minutes later.

Blair and Madison, who are sitting across from me, give each other a look and then laugh. They know something's up. And Madison isn't going to take nothing for an answer. "Bad first day? You don't like your classes?"

That's not it. I love my classes. I really don't know why I'm in such a mood. "Cole's annoying and I'm really tired."

"What did he do?" Blair asked, grabbing her menu, "I just saw him after school. He was looking for you."

"He didn't do anything today. I'm still annoyed about Saturday. Why would he drink when he knows he has to drive himself home? I don't have time for people who are being stupid, you know?" I open my menu as well, "it's just annoying and I'll be over it, but for right now, I'm not."

They didn't say much else, but agreed. And then they both opened their menus.

Whatever. I'm over it.

Right now, I'm going to have lunch with my two best friends and we're not going to talk about how Cole is an asshole sometimes and all of that.

Instead, I wanna hear about their first day of school.

"So, do you guys like your classes?" I ask after I close my menu, deciding what I want to get.

"I love them," Blair closes her and pushes it off to the side. "Well, we have the same classes, different periods, but yeah, I like all the people. Wish you were in more than one class, but so far, so good. I know Chemistry's going to be hard, though, and I'm definitely not looking forward to that."

Madison laughs and chimes in. "Me neither. But other than that, I love my classes, too. Senior year is going to be so fun."

I hope it is! I anticipated it would be. But at that time, I didn't have a boyfriend and Troy wasn't back in town, making things awkward and uncomfortable.

"Do you guys have classes with Troy?"

"Well, apart from the one we all have together, I have him in two other."

"Yeah, I have him in the same two," Madison says after Blair, "you have him in one?"

I shake my head as I grab my cell phone because I got a text. "Nah, I have him in two. And I really don't know how I feel about it."

They didn't say anything until after I put my phone down.

But Blair started the conversation. "I get it. I get you guys spent three years without talking and it's the hardest thing that he's back here. But it doesn't seem like he came back and he's trying to be in that space with you and is crowding in on everything that's yours, you know? He's doing his own thing, and so, maybe being so annoyed with him or whatever you are isn't even worth it. You're just stressing yourself out."

"Maybe, yeah," Madison lightly agreed, "it was completely shitty what he did, but you're just going to have to make the best of it. Don't let him get to you."

"It's easier said than done."

"Probably, but it's for the best, Gabs."

They're right. I can't be dwelling on this. Life happens. Shit happens.

And I can't go the rest of my life, or the rest of my senior year, and think about this because it just gets me down. It gets me upset. And right now, I'm supposed to be having the time of my life. With my friends. With my boyfriend. With everyone in my grade. It's senior year, dammit.

So I make a vow to myself and to my friend that I will do absolutely everything to not let Troy being back bring me down.

It's not worth it.

He didn't want me then, he doesn't want me now.


	5. Chapter 5

"How was your second day?"

"Fine," I tell my mom as I open the fridge to get a water.

"That's all you're giving me?" She laughs, putting a mug away in the cupboard. I just shrugged. There was nothing really to say. I talked to her about school yesterday, what could possibly have happened today? "Okay, well, I'm running to the store really quick. Do you need anything?"

Do I? I think about the snacks I have in this house and if I want any more. "Nah, I think I'm good."

My mom gave me a small smile, grabbed her phone from the counter and walked out of the kitchen, "be right back."

As soon as she left, I grabbed the bowl of grapes that were on the counter along with my water and went over to the living room to watch TV.

Before I could even get comfortable, the doorbell rang. Ugh.

Cole.

He was standing on my porch.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him before I turn around, leaving him there.

"Come on, you can't still be mad," he comes in and closes the door behind him, "if you're not going to break up with me, what's the point of being mad?"

I guess. Maybe. I don't know. I mean, no, I'm not going to break up with him. But I still am mad. I can't help it. I can't help the way I feel. "Cole, you didn't think about me or yourself in that situation. What girlfriend wouldn't get mad over that? All so you could have a little fun or whatever."

He sighs and follows me into the living room. "I'm sorry, okay? You had every right to be mad, but it's been a couple days."

"I can be mad as long as I want to be mad."

"I just don't see the point if you're not going to break up with me."

"Whatever, Cole."

He gave me a small smile as I sat on the couch and then sat next to me, "come on, you're not really that mad at me anymore. You're just making me sweat it out and you win, okay? These days have sucked and I'm sorry. I really, really am sorry."

I couldn't help, but smile. Do I believe it one hundred percent? No. And that's the problem with this relationship, I guess. That I'm not completely confident.

But he's right. I think I am making him sweat it out.

"You're forgiven," I tell him, giving him a smile. "But you better not do some stupid shit like that again."

"Promise."

And just like that, we were fine again.

I don't want to fight with my boyfriend. I really don't. I want to progress, not take steps backward. And I think I've just been on edge lately with everything that's been going on, so whatever, I'm over it. I'm not going to keep being mad and I'm not going to make him keep apologizing.

"So, I'm going to Palm Springs this weekend with my family," Cole tells me.

"Last minute trip?"

He nods, "yeah, my aunt and uncle are cousins are driving from LA and they invited us, so why not? It'll be hot, but I'm sure it'll be fun."

I guess, sure. Even though it's Jake's birthday dinner this weekend, but whatever. "You're gonna miss Jake's dinner."

"Well, he's more your friend anyway, so whatever."

Um, yeah, he's more my friend, but he's his friend, too, and he said he'd go to the dinner. Whatever. I'm not going to pick a fight over this. It'll be way too exhausting and we just got over one. "I guess, but he invited you too, so you shouldn't expect me t tell him you're not going. You need to tell him."

Cole took out his cell phone right away. "Fine, I'll tell him right now."

"How are your classes?" I ask him, realizing I haven't talked to him about them. I've been mad.

"They're fine," he shrugs, setting his phone down, "got friends in them so that's always good, but yeah, so far, they're good."

I know he doesn't wanna talk about them much, because he's not in the advance classes like me and he might be a little insecure about it, but this is what couples talk about. Their lives. And it's so frustrating at times. Sure, he makes me feel good. He's funny and outgoing and gets along with so many people and that's what I like about him most. He's a really chill guy who loves to have a good time. But that's not all I want in someone. I want them to want to do something with their life, to be motivated, to have goals and amdbitions. I want them to not only think about the next party. And it doesn't necessarily have to be about their job in the future or anything like that, but partying and shit isn't going to better than as a person. It isn't going to do anything for their life and that's just where I'm coming from. I get Cole is young, and I don't need to expect him to have everything figured out, and I don't need him to be super book smart or anything like that. I just don't want his whole life to be about fun stuff.

And right now, that's basically what it is.

"I'm excited to head out to Palm Springs, but I hear Dover's having something at his house on Friday. Bummed."

My point exactly. "Do you need to go to every single party?"

Cole gives me a weird look, like why all of a sudden I'm hounding him a bit. I didn't all summer, but all summer we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, we were getting to know each other and hanging out and dating. He spent that time with me instead of at every party. Which is why I'm just realizing and noticing that he loves to be out and about with his friends and having a good time at parties, wondering when the next one will be.

"It's senior year, babe."

"I guess," I tell him and then look at the clock. "Shit. I have to pick cousin up."

"Oh," he sounds a little bummed out, "okay."

I get up, grab my phone and then lead us out of the living room and grab my keys. He immediately follows behind and waits for me to grab my purse before we head out the door. He stands there while I lock up and then walks me to my car. I have to pick up my cousin from his friends house for my aunt.

Before I open the car door, I turn to Cole and give him a small smile. "I'll text you later or something."

"Let's grab a breakfast burrito from Korky's tomorrow before school."

"Sure," I tell him. Korky's sounds great, actually, and I haven't had a burrito from there in a while. "Wanna pick me up or should I?"

"I'll pick you up," he tells me.

And then we kiss goodbye and I get in my car.

Things are fine again.

* * *

"Okay, I'm done with the all lying, Gabriella. Tell me what's going on," my mom comes barging into my room a couple days later.

I have absolutely no idea what she's talking about or what is even going on.

This woman is crazy, I think.

"What are you talking about?" I put my phone down, mid text. But Madison and Blair can wait.

"I know you and Troy are not really friends anymore. And I don't understand why you've been lying to me," she shakes her head, "I mean, I didn't expect it to stay the exact same. You guys were away from each other in those high school years and stuff, but what happened? I know something happened. I can feel it. We can all feel it. I tried to put it out of my mind for days, but I just can't anymore. Something's going on..."

Fuck. Shit. I mean, I knew I wasn't going to get away with it forever, but maybe I also thought that I could. I don't know. Ugh. This freaking sucks.

I'm not even sure what to say to her. What can I say?!

"Mom, shit happens. People grow apart, okay?" I pick up my phone to make it seem like that's the end of it.

"Oh, come on, Gabriella," she rolls her eyes, sitting down on my bed, "people grow apart, sure. But you guys, you guys were..."

"I know, mom, I know!"

She was quiet for a moment. I couldn't help it, I snapped. I couldn't think about how we were. We were inseparable. We were the best of friends. Yes. And everyone that knew us thought we would be best friends forever. But I ruined that.

After gathering some thoughts, my mom spoke up again. "I'm not here to fight with you. I just want you to let me in. I wanna talk to you about everything."

And I wish I could just tell her everything. But it's embarrassing.

Not only is it embarrassing, but I feel like she'd be mad at me for ruining a friendship so great. She loved Troy and I together. And she was never that mom that would be like, oh I can't wait until you two get older so you can get married. Nah. I think she just always saw us as friends and she loved our friendship.

"It's dumb," I open up a bit, "it's really dumb."

"How can it be dumb?" She doesn't get it. "Honestly, you can tell me anything, Gabriella, you know that."

"I kissed him, okay?!"

She looked so taken aback that it made me want to take everything back. I could tell she did not expect that. "You, um, you what?"

I groaned and threw myself back. "I kissed him mom, okay? I kissed him and ruined everything."

"Okay," she says calmly, "you kissed him. And then what?"

"And then what?" I look over at her, trying to figure out if she's serious or not. AND THEN I RUINED EVERYTHING. "And then, I freaked him out so much he didn't call, write, or text me for the next three years. The next time I talked to him was that day they moved in, okay? I was embarrassed, I felt stupid and dumb that I didn't tell anyone. Just my closest friends. He obviously didn't tell anyone or else Lucille would have talked to you about it, I'm sure."

"I don't understand. He shut you out completely? That doesn't sound like Troy."

It didn't. I tried so hard to wrap my head around it. "Yeah, well he did. We didn't talk for three years and it's been hard."

My mom frowned a bit. "I wish I would have known. Maybe I could have intervened and done something about it. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't your problem, mom. He wasn't 7 years old without a phone. He was 14 and he could have picked up the phone if he wanted to. He didn't. He didn't feel the same way and I can't be mad at that, but I am mad he just let our friendship die. 10 years of friendship ruined by a stupid fucking kiss."

"So you liked him?"

"Yeah," I shrug, "I thought I loved him."

Again, she looked taken aback. But I think she was happy I was opening up. "Wow. Okay. This is a lot."

I laugh, "I know. I know most moms in this situation would be like, oh I knew it. I knew you liked him, blah blah blah. But we were just best friends and you knew that, everyone knew that. I don't know what happened. He called me beautiful one day and things changed inside of me. I seriously thought I was in love with him. But I was 14, what did I even know? It was dumb."

"You very well could have loved him. Just because you were fourteen does not mean you were not capable of loving."

"But real love, mom? Yeah, right. I don't know."

"And where's your head at now?" She asks me. "Are you still interested in him?"

Uhhhh. "I have a boyfriend."

She rolled her eyes, "oh please. You and I both know Cole is just some guy you're dating which is why I'm not stressing about it as much as I would like to."

I knew it. And I'm not going to be mad at her for having an opinion. That's her prerogative. "I'm not interested in Troy. I don't even know if I know him anymore. It's been three years and your teenage years, you change, you grow up, you know?"

"Yeah, but at the core, you're still the same person you were three years ago. You never know. I'm sure he's just like you remember him."

"Mom, he's not interested. Sure, I told him it was a mistake, but he knew me better than that. He could probably see all over my face that it actually wasn't and I freaked him out. He wasn't interested."

"You guys had such a beautiful friendship, though. I think you guys should at least try to repair that. Don't you think?"

I do agree. It won't be like how it was, though. "We're trying."

My mom smiles at me and puts her hand on my leg, "I'll support you in whatever you do, whoever you date and I'm glad you told me all of this. You know that I love Troy, but he's a real idiot if he's not interested, if he wasn't interested because you are perfect in every which way."

"You're my mom..."

"Yeah, and I'm not lying," she tells me, "I'm serious. Any guy would be lucky to have you."

That guy isn't Troy though, he didn't want me, he doesn't want me and he probably won't ever want me.

It's okay, because I moved on. I have a boyfriend.

But why do I have to keep remind myself that I have a boyfriend?

Ugh.


	6. Chapter 6

I love Balboa Island.

The best part about living in Orange County is being able to go to Balboa Island, walk around with an ice cream, and hang out with friends.

In this case, we're celebrating one of my good friend's birthday.

Jacob Flores is someone I've known since the 6th grade. He was in a few of my classes and we became friends, but we really didn't become close until freshman year of high school when we sat next to each other in biology. And we just clicked. He helped me with my guy problems, I helped him with his girl problems and we've been, like, best friends ever since. If I ever want a guy's point of view on anything, I go to him.

It's nothing like how my friendship was with Troy. But it's still special and I love having him in my life. He's so great, he really is. And there's absolutely nothing going on. I know it's such a cliche to say that, but it's true. He's happily taken, just like me.

Well, he's more happy about it. His girlfriend is one of the best girls I know and they've been dating for six months and are the absolute cutest.

"You mad Cole isn't here?"

"It's not my dinner," I shrug, telling Jake, "I mean, he told you he was going to come, but if you don't care, neither should I."

"I don't really," he says with a laugh, "sorry."

He doesn't need to apologize at all. Cole and Jake are friends, but I know Jake better than a lot of people and I know that for some reason, Cole just bothers him, but he's never given me a reason and we don't really talk about it. "You don't need to say sorry, it's fine."

I know he feels a bit bad about it, though, because whenever I ask if he wants to go to dinner, the four of us, he most of the time says no.

He was pretty much just invited by default, I think, which is whatever.

"Are you happy?"

"What?" I'm a little thrown off by his question and I'm not really sure why. We're besties. Of course he has the right to ask me a question like that. I just didn't expect it to be at his birthday dinner in a room with 15 other people. "Yeah, I'm happy."

"Like, in your relationship. You guys were fighting at that party, and I feel like you've just been weird lately. Not really yourself."

Well, what does he actually expect?!

I feel like no one truly understands how stressful my life is right now.

Maybe I'm making it more stressful that it probably is. But when your best friend, someone you were inseparable from for 10 years, goes away and shits you out only to come back three years later, well, it's fucking stressful. And it's a mind fuck. It really, really is. I don't know how to act half the time, I don't know what to say to him, what to do. It's hard. It's so hard. And I really don't know how to explain it to people. I'm the only one who could possibly get it.

"I'm fine," I tell Jake, hoping this conversation dies down. It's his birthday. We don't need to talk about myself.

"If you say so," he shrugs it off.

Jacob didn't replace Troy. No way. It's different. It's such a different friendship, but I'm so glad I have him in my life and I'm excited to be here celebrating his birthday. He's 18! The first of all our friends and it's an exciting time. He's an official adult.

So, we both stop talking about myself and we enjoy the rest of our dinner with our closest friends... like we should have been doing.

After we finished dinner, we all decided to get frozen bananas, that are SO freaking good, and then head back to Jacob's house where he'll start a fire in his backyard and we'll just hang out, having a little bonfire.

While we were waiting in line, we bumped into some of our friends.

Which included Troy.

Troy, Marc, Michael, and Dylan.

These were some of his best friends before he left to Seattle and they're still his friends. Which is nice. It's nice he kept in contact with them.

NOT. I'm being sarcastic. Why did they get constant contact and not me when I was in his life way longer than them? When I had a stronger bond? Yeah, right, I know the answer, but I just wish it weren't the case. I think I'm a little bitter. But whatever. I don't even care anymore. My life's great. It'll continue to be great. And I have some really great friends that I love more than anything. It's his loss... right?

"Hey!" Josh greeted them, bro hugging them.

They all said hi to each other, hi to me, hi to the other girls here and the guys.

And before I knew it, Josh was inviting all of them over to his house, which kind of annoyed me. I mean, he knows what's going on, why would he?! Actually, I told him the other day I was fine, that Troy and I were fine, and everything was fine. So whatever, my fault... again.

They were all in. They said that sounded fun, and that they will see us in a little while, blah, blah.

"Why'd you invite them!?" My other best friend Blair exclaimed once they were out of sight, "you know I hooked up with Dylan. It's awkward, Josh!"

"Shit. I didn't even think about it. I'm sorry. But they're my friends, too. So why not?"

"Whatever," Blair rolled her eyes.

I kinda wanted to complain too, but it's his birthday and I'm not going to do that especially since I should probably be over it by now. I should be over the awkwardness. I should be over the hurt that Troy has brought me. I mean, Dylan and Blair hooked up LAST weekend. I totally get her frustration.

But, I shouldn't be frustrated or annoyed. I should be over it. So, that's what I'm going to try to do.

It's easier said than done, probably, but we'll see.

* * *

"We can go in a little bit if you want," Madison offers, handing me a blanket as I'm sitting on a chair in front of the fire.

"It's fine," I shrug, "thanks."

Madison sits next to me, throwing the blanket she brought for herself over her.

And then the rest of our friends pile around the fire pit, getting their seats situated. Joshua has a beautiful home in Ladera Ranch with the most beautiful backyard. A huge swimming pool, yet so much grass. And a huge patio with a bar and a fire pit. It's the best place to have a get together like this.

A few minutes later, the guys started piling in.

Blair looked uncomfortable and I felt bad for her so I immediately got up and pulled her away for a minute.

"What's up?"

"Nothing really," I shrug as I close the door before turning around to face her, "I kind of just wanted to get you out of there for a minute."

"Ugh, thank you," she sighs, immediately sitting down on one of the stools in the kitchen around the island, "I thought tonight was going to be good and now it's just... weird. He's here, I'm here, he hasn't called me or talked to me all week and I don't really understand why. I thought we had a good time. I thought he was into me or something, but I guess that's not the case. It was just a hook up for him. And I get it, I get that's what happens in high school. I totally hooked up with a couple guys this summer, no big deal, but it was just different with him. We... talked about things, you know?"

I know. She's my best friend. I know everything about her life.

So, I totally get it. And I feel for her. In fact, I'm mad for her. I'm mad at Dylan and his immature, high school boy ways. The least he could do is tell her he's not interested instead of just ignoring her at school. It's totally fucked up and mean.

"If he made you feel like he was interested in you as more than a hook up, you have every right to tell him that..."

"That's the thing, too! I don't know if I'm imagining it. I don't know if things like that happen. I've never had a boyfriend or anything like that, really..."

"Look, hook ups happen. Those other two guys you hooked up with, you were drunk. Dylan, not so much, so who knows if you talked to them like you talked to Dylan and you just don't remember it, ya know?"

Blair nodded, "yeah, you're right. I don't know. I'm just over thinking it. I wasn't drunk with Dylan. And so, I just remember how everything felt."

She likes him. I know she does. "B, if you like him, you should talk to him."

"No way," she shakes her head, jumping off the stool, "no, I'm not going to chase a guy."

"But..."

I didn't even finish my sentence because the glass french doors opened and in walked Troy, stopping as soon as he saw us. "Oh, I'm sorry..."

Blair looked over at me and gave me a small smile and then over at him, "nah, I was just walking out."

And then she did. Leaving me right there with him. And later on, I'm going to yell at her for it. It's still awkward just the two of us. It shouldn't be since we agreed to try to be friends. But it is. And I honestly have no idea what to even say to him, how to start a conversation.

Thank God he did. "Was I interrupting something?"

"No," I shake my head, grabbing my phone from the counter and made up a complete lie, "no, we were just facetiming a friend."

"Oh, okay," he says taking a step forward, "I just came in to get a water."

As he walked around me to the kitchen and opened the fridge to get himself a water, something inside me just went off. Here is Troy, Dylan's best friend, one of them anyway. They've known each other since the 4th grade and became really, really close in middle school and I think ever since he's been back, they've hung out all the time. He has to know what's going on. He has to know if Dylan has said anything about Blair.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he looks a bit worried as he closes the fridge, "what's up?"

"Can this stay between us, though?" I have to tell him this. I don't want Blair to know I'm meddling, but I just want my best friend happy.

Again, he looked a bit worried. Before saying anything, he uncapped his water, took a big gulp of it, put the lid back on and set it down on the counter. And then he looked up at me and that worried look on his face turned into a small smile and a chuckle. "Yeah, sure, what's up?"

How do I say this? Do I just come out and ask? Yeah, I think I will. Ha. "Does Dylan like Blair or what?"

"Does Dylan like Blair?" He repeated my question.

"Yeah..."

"Wait, you wanna know if Dylan likes Blair?" He words it differently.

Oh my gosh. Yes! FREAKING YES. "Yes, Troy, I do! Because your best friend and my best friend hooked up last weekend and I don't know what he told her, what he didn't, how he went about it... the point is, he's ignoring her, I've seen him avoid eye contact and I just wanna know if Blair shouldn't hold her breath for him. You know, if she was interested or whatever. This is strictly me just wondering."

For a moment, he just looks at me. And then he lets out a small laugh. "Right, this is you just wanting to know..."

"Come on," I tell him, "I'm not betraying her trust or anything. I just know that if he was interested, she wouldn't be opposed to that."

"So you're saying she's interested?"

"Maybe," is all I say, but I know I'm giving it away. The thing is, I still trust Troy. I know me having this conversation with him doesn't mean he'll turn around and tell Dylan everything. I know he won't. And I don't think I'm betraying Blair's trust at all. "Is he? Or is he not? I know he's not shy. So the fact that he hasn't tried talking to her, yeah, maybe he's not interested..."

Troy laughs, shaking his head. "One would think, but you'll be happy to know it's quite the opposite. He doesn't think she's interested in him because after they hooked up, she kind of froze and left the party. I think he doesn't really know how to react to that."

She totally did. Blair froze up because it wasn't just a hook up to her. And she had absolutely no idea how to react to it. So, that's her bad, really.

"She was nervous, I think. Her first hook up that actually meant something to her."

"Well, it meant something to him, too."

"What are we going to do about it then?" I ask him.

Blair Townsend is my best friend. She's the first person to come over to my house with a tub of ice cream if I'm sad or she's the first person to go on an adventure with me. I want her happy. And I honestly think Dylan could make her happy. I know Dylan. He's great. He really, really is. And so cute. I know they have things in common, I know they're both cool and genuine people and I know that hook up meant something to them.

So, here I am, trying to make it happen for it. If all is takes is a little communication, I'm going to make it happen.

"What do you wanna do about it?" Troy asks me, taking another chug of his water, "I'm all for helping them get together. I think they'll be great."

"Me too," I look outside and see them on opposite ends of each other.

And then Troy comes up with an idea. "We just need to get them together. They haven't been alone together since that night and I think it's just the push he needs. So, maybe he can give you guys a ride home. Did you drive here tonight? Or come together?"

Perfect! "Madison brought us. But I can clue her in. And I'll say you're taking us home and then play dumb when I realize it's actually Dylan."

"Good luck with that," he laughs, "but okay. Sounds good."

"Hey, I'll pull it off. And they live closer to each other than we do to him so it's perfect."

Troy nods, looking happy with his idea.

And I'm happy with it, too. For the first time in a long time, we were in agreement with each other on something and it felt nice. It feels nice being able to talk and laugh. This is what it used to be like when we were friends. Coming up with plans, ideas, etc. and being able to just be at complete ease with each other. I'm not saying I am right now, but for a second, it felt that way. It felt that way when I asked if this could stay between us.

For the rest of the night, we actually sat next to each other outside and laughed along with everyone else and to each other, which felt really nice.

Really nice, actually.

* * *

"Bye!"

Troy and I waved to Blair and Dylan as they dropped us off and drove away.

Mission complete. They were now alone together.

I couldn't help, but laugh as soon as the car was out of sight. I can't believe we pulled it off. Well, we don't know if it's going to go the way we want it to, but at least we're giving them the opportunity. We definitely broke the ice between them, having a conversation all four of us when we first got into the car.

"Do you think he had any idea what you were doing?" I ask Troy as we turn around and walk up my driveway.

"Maybe, but I don't really care," he shrugs it off with a laugh, "he needed a push in the right direction. I don't know why he was so shy with her."

"Probably because he likes her."

Troy nodded, "yeah, well, I hope things work out for them."

Me too. Blair's the best. She's beautiful, she's funny and smart and has so much going for her. Only a real idiot wouldn't realize that. And I really don't think Dylan Kerner is an idiot so hopefully this push we gave them is exactly what they needed.

It's only 11. People were still hanging out at Jake's, but Dylan had an early morning so he had to get home and since he was our ride, we left, obviously.

"Do you wanna come in?" I end up telling Troy, I have absolutely no idea why.

No, I do know why. It's been a good night for us.

I thought it was going to be awkward and uncomfortable but after our little plotting and scheming, things were fine. We were talking like normal at Jake's house, laughing together even, and things just felt good. It felt like we were friends. Not like we used to be, but friends. And it's a step in the right direction.

He was a little taken aback by my question, I know he was, but I also have another for asking him.

"My parents are at some work party and my sister is spending the night at her friends house, so you know, it's kind of scary..."

"Sure," he laughed, not even caring that I was sort of using him.

But I do want to keep hanging out with him right now so it's not completely using him.

Once we were inside my house, I took off my shoes and my jacket and immediately went upstairs to get comfortable. Troy stayed downstairs in the living room, turning the TV on for us while I quickly changed into some pajama bottoms and a comfy sweatshirt. I took the rings on my fingers off, I took the necklace I was wearing off as well and put them away in my jewelry box. After all that, I slipped on some slippers and made my way downstairs.

Before I even got to the living room, I stopped for a minute and kind of just took in what was happening right now.

Troy was currently on my couch, surfing the channels.

And I was standing behind him, just thinking about everything right now.

This was a sight that would happen often when we were friends. He'd be on my couch watching TV, I'd be doing things around the house and I'd eventually join in and we'll watch our favorite show together. Or a movie. Or whatever was on TV at the time.

He would sit on my couch, doing his homework while I was laid out on the floor doing mine all through middle school. That's what we did.

And it's major dejavu right now. It's all different, though, right now. It's not like it used to be.

But I think I have hope.


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh hey," Troy tells me as soon as he opens the door.

"Sorry," I apologize for coming over unannounced, "but I hear you guys have a new puppy..."

He laughs as he opens the door wider and moving to the slide, allowing me to come in. "Already? We brought him home 20 minutes ago."

I shrug, stepping in, "news travels fast."

It's kind of sad that I didn't hear it from him. I mean, if this was back before everything, I probably would have went with him to get the dog. I have to stop thinking about the past, though, and just focus on the future. Who knows. I know shit has happened, but maybe one day we could be best friends again.

My mom got home 10 minutes ago and told me she just ran into the Boltons new dog and I just had to come over here.

Troy and I... we're fine. We're definitely on friendly terms.

After that night at Jakes, and hanging out at my house, things felt good between us. It's been about a week and at school, we'll talk in class. It's nothing groundbreaking or anything, but it's something. And that's better than nothing.

"Come on," Troy closes the door and leads me to where the puppy is, "my mom and sister just left for the mall and they're gonna buy him a few things."

"Where's your dad?

"He went to his parents house."

Before I knew it, we were in his back living room where the little puppy was sleeping peacefully on a blanket on the couch. It was the cutest little thing I've ever seen. I'm obsessed with dogs. Anyone who knows me knows I love dogs. I mean, I have three dogs at home and they're probably jealous I'm over here fawning over a little puppy, but I just can't help it. I'm dog obsessed. And I'm sure Troy expected me sooner or later.

I immediately picked it up and it's little eyes opened up, but the minute sat down on the couch, it's eyes immediately closed and it was sleeping again.

"Boy or girl?"

"Girl," Troy takes a seat next to me, "she doesn't have a name yet."

"She's the cutest thing I've ever seen," I can't help, but gush over her, "don't tell my dogs."

Troy laughed as he put his hand on her, petting her slightly, "my sister can't think of a name, and neither can I. Do you have any suggestions?"

DO I? I have a whole list of names I would want to name my dogs. Boys or girls. I have two boys and a girl at home whose names are Sadie, Maxwell, and Finley. So obviously those names are off the table. Hmm. This little cutie is a long haired dog whose going to be fluffy and so I really have to think about it.

"I've always wanted an Australian Shepherd."

"You should get one," Troy tells me, "I'm sure you can handle another dog."

"Please tell that to my parents. They're all so well behaved but it just gets expensive and it's one more to worry about, ya know?"

Troy nods, "yeah, well I hope this dog is just likes yours. They're very smart dogs so I don't think it'll be hard to train them, they just have a lot of energy and are too smart for their own good, that they could get bored and get a bit destructive, but we'll see."

How could this cute little thing ever be destructive? I seriously want to steal this dog. "You'll be fine. You have a huge back yard for her to play in."

"Yeah, we'll see."

"When did you guys decide to get a dog?"

"Before we even moved here. We were looking around for one over there, so yeah..."

Well, I'm happy they got one. Not only is it the perfect excuse to come over and work on our friendship, but I absolutely love dogs and I was getting puppy fever. And I know I won't be able to get another one until I move out of the house so this is definitely the best alternative.

I just realized I never gave him any suggestions for name. Oops. I was so mesmerized. "Do you like Sasha? I think she looks like a Sasha."

"Sasha?" Troy repeats then looks down at this little fur ball. "I think so."

"Yeah?" I give him a smile, wondering if it'll actually be that easy deciding on a name. "You like it?"

"I do and I'm sure my sister will like it too," he says.

Sasha it is then.

Sasha Bolton. Hmm does she need a middle name? NO, that's a little crazy. Ha. My dogs have middle names, but I'm a freak and probably one of the weirdo dog parents out there that give their dogs middle names. But they're like children, too, so why not? They deserve to have middle names just like us.

"Do you remember that one time you made us bike ride all the way across town to see Blair's new puppy?"

"Oh my gosh," I laugh, remembering that day SO well, "I do."

Troy laughed, probably rolling his eyes, "you literally had me pump air in my tire."

I did. Oh my gosh. What a fun day.

It was in the 8th grade and we were hanging out at my house one weekend. My parents were running a marathon for charity while Troy's parents were out of town at his sister's soccer tournament. After we were done having some breakfast, Blair texted me saying her parents surprised her with a puppy and the second I got that text, it was go time for me. I HAD to get over there. Our parents were gone, though, we weren't old enough to drive and we had absolutely NO idea how to ride the bus. I didn't want to bother any of my neighbors or text any family members because they probably wouldn't want to drop their plans just to take me to see my friends puppy. It wasn't an emergency, but I made it seem that way, for sure, by how quickly I wanted to get there.

So, I told Troy to get his bike from his garage because we were going to ride all the way to Blair's house to see the puppy.

And there were two problems: one, his tire didn't have air. Two, Blair lived many blocks away.

It's not like I'm even trying to be cute or cool with my obsession with dogs. I literally just love them so much and the minute you hear about someone in your life having a dog, you want to meet them ASAP. I mean, what is wrong with that? So that's what I did back then. And what I'm doing now.

Troy understood and so, being the best friend he is, filled his tire up with air and then we were on our way.

"I was so exhausted."

"Thank God Blair's mom gave us a ride home," he laughed.

"It was worth it, though, you gotta admit. We had so much fun playing and hanging out with that puppy. And the pizza her mom got for us," I remind him all about it, "I mean, to this day, that is the best pizza I've ever had in my entire life. It's actually my go to pizza place now."

Troy smiled and shook his head, "it started out so hectic, but you're right, it was a great day. I haven't had that pizza since that day. I'll have to soon."

Yeah, well, maybe because a couple months later, he was out of here and in Seattle.

But whatever, that's beside the point right now. The point right now for me is, that I had some really, really great times with Troy. And instead of being sad over them, I should be happy and just embrace it and realize that maybe, just maybe we could have more great times like that. Like maybe today could one of those days, I don't know. I really have to stop being so angry. Sure, he left without saying a work and we didn't talk for three years.

But maybe talking to him and him being over there would have been harder.

I'm trying to look on the bright side.

And I think we're getting to a really good place.

Before I could say anything else, my phone started to ring. And I was annoyed because it woke little Sasha up. I immediately handed her over to Troy and took my phone out of my back pocket to see who was calling me. I didn't even really want to answer it. Ugh.

It was Cole.

Shit. Fuck. I don't want to talk to him right now in front of Troy.

But then I realized that it can't be like this. Troy isn't anything more than a friend so why should I avoid talking to my boyfriend? Unless it means something else for me. It doesn't, though. And I don't want it to. I don't want to act like I'm hiding it from him or anything like that. Just for my personal self, ya know? There's nothing there anymore, we're barely becoming friends again so what's the big deal that he hears me talk to my boyfriend?

"Hello?" I answer.

"Babe," he immediately says over some loud noise, maybe a video game, "what're you doing tonight?"

I can't help, but wonder why he's calling me instead of just texting me. But whatever. I'm not going to ask him that. What am I doing tonight? "I'm grabbing sushi with Blair and Mads, and then we're watching a movie, I think."

He doesn't say anything for a second as he shuffles the phone from one ear to the other, "ditch them. Come with me to this concert, yeah?"

Ditch them? Uhhh. "Concert?"

"Yeah, it's this band I like. You remember I got tickets? It's in Santa Ana tonight."

"Which one of your friends bailed?" I ask him. Obviously, they all had to if he's asking me. Why would he want me to go now when he didn't invite me when he got the tickets a few months ago? I'm not mad he's just using me to go, but he can't expect me to cancel my plans for him.

"Doesn't matter. You're going with me," he tells me, "come on. You owe me after I picked you up in LA a couple of months ago because your car got a flat."

Is he serious right now? He thinks I OWE him?

First of all, we weren't together, we were still getting to know each other and he OFFERED.

Obviously, now it seems like he did it just to get ahead of the game, to score points, and maybe he didn't actually care. I didn't make him. I told him my mom could easily come and get me. It's not like I was trying to hide it from her. But he insisted and so he came and got me and that was that.

But now he's throwing it in my face and asking for a favor in return?

"And do you remember a couple weeks ago when we left the movies because you weren't feeling well? I rally wanted to see that movie."

"Cole, I'm hanging up."

"What?" He says with a laugh, "why can't you just come with me? It's gonna be fun. I promise you."

I don't say anything for a moment. I look over at Troy and he's not saying anything, just looking down at Sasha. I'm not sure he can put together our convo just by what I'm saying, but it really needs to be over. I don't want to talk to him right now. He's making me mad. And I'm trying not to let that show.

So, I very calmly tell him I can't go. "I have plans tonight, I'm sorry. I'm sure you can find someone else to go with you."

"Whatever," he says before hanging up.

I hit 'end' on my phone and put it off to the side and close my eyes for a second.

Still can't believe he threw those two things back in my face. At the time, I thought he was being a nice guy who wanted to help me out and then a nice boyfriend at the movies who didn't care about the movie and only about me feeling better. Ugh. Fuck this shit. It's been so inconsistent with Cole and I am getting so sick and tired of it. I don't want to feel mad at him all the time or feel like things aren't progressing with him. That's not how it should be going.

Right now, I don't have time to deal with him because I'm too busy loving on lil miss Sasha.

"Can I have her back?"

"What?" Troy looks over at me and then down at Sasha, realizing what I was saying, "oh yeah, yeah, sure..."

"Thanks," I smile slightly while grabbing her.

I don't want it to become this big issue between Cole and I, but I am pissed. The fact that he wants me to ditch my friends is upsetting.

Like, I have plans with them and he wants me to just leave them to be with him? That's not okay. I'm not that kind of person and I never want to be that girl who ditches their friends when her boyfriend is free. And that's really what I'm most mad about at this very moment more so than the other thing.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," I quickly tell Troy, picking little Sasha up so I can see her cute little face.

"I know you probably are, but if you wanna talk, I'm here..."

That's funny. He hasn't been here. Not even through a simple phone call or text. But like I said, I'm not trying to go backwards. I'm trying to move this friendship along just like he's trying and I'm not going to dwell on it. I'm not going to tell him that he hasn't been here.

So instead, I just give him a small smile, kiss little Sasha and thank him for his kind gesture. "Thanks."

And that was pretty much it.

It was all about Sasha from then on and how beautiful she's going to be.

There was no more talk or thinking about Cole.

Thank God.


	8. Chapter 8

"What's up? You've been quiet all night."

"I'm fine," I assure Madison as I take a sip of my drink, I'm "just tired."

She doesn't buy it, of course. She's my best friend. Of course she's not going to let it go or think I'm actually telling the truth. "Are you still mad at Cole for basically demanding that you go to the concert and to ditch us? It's totally fine if you are. But you're at a party. Pretend like you're not for the night."

I was mad, but I'm over it. It's been days. I'm okay with him. I mean, we came together tonight.

I'm just in a weird mood.

And I fucking hate to say it's all because of Troy.

"Nah, I'm just tired, I've had a long day," I think she'll let it go because I have had a long day, "but I love Molly, so..."

"Well, then stop looking so down and enjoy her birthday party," she advises me, "two people have asked me what's wrong with you and so, if you don't want someone to ask you directly then put a smile on your face, go stand next to your boyfriend and try to have fun."

She's right. I would hate it if people came up to me and asked what's wrong. It's not like I'll actually tell them the truth. Definitely not.

Oh, don't mind me I'm just sitting here feeling irrationally upset that Troy is talking and hanging out and laughing with Samantha Reed, looking like they're having the best time. Oh that's right, I have a boyfriend, I shouldn't be feeling this way.

But I fucking am.

And I hate every ounce of it. Ugh.

"You're right," I tell Madison, getting up, "I'll look like I'm having fun."

I leave her standing there and go over to Cole who's standing by one of the beer pong tables, chatting up with some friends.

He's not drinking tonight and actually keeping his promise tonight. It's not hard since he has an early morning and so really, it benefits him more than me, but we came together, so obviously, we're going to leave together. And I'd like it if he was sober... obviously. I'm drinking a little bit, but not too much.

"Hey, baby."

"Hi," I give him a smile as I link our arms, "what's up?"

"Nothing," he shrugs, keeping his hands in his pockets making it a bit awkward to be linking arms, "you okay?"

I know I'm acting a bit weird. I've never really been all lovey dovey with him at parties. When we're out to dinner, hanging out in town or whatever, sure, we're somewhat lovey dovey. But not too much. It's never really been that way.

So, I'm sure he thinks something is up. Or he probably thinks I'm drunk. I haven't really been with him the past hour or so. I could've gotten drunk.

"I'm fine," I tell him, "are you okay?"

"Yeah," he laughs, looking at his friends and then over at me. "Come with me for a minute."

He takes his hands out of his pockets, links one hand with mine and pulls me away from everyone. Ugh. I don't wanna talk off to the side and make it look like we're fighting or something. We're not. We're good today. And I want to keep it this way for as long as we possibly can.

So, I stop him before he can say anything. "Cole, I'm fine."

"You sure? You were acting a little weird back there," he laughs, grabbing my drink for a moment and looking inside of it, "are you just drunk?"

"No," I take it back, "I'm fine."

"Okay, okay, if you say so," he puts his hands up in defense, "just checking."

Which is totally fine, I guess. If I were him, I'd probably ask what the deal was, too. So whatever, I'm not mad. "I'm just trying to have fun. I've had a long day so hanging out with you, letting loose a bit, it's exactly what I need right now. Is that okay?"

Cole nodded with a smile, "that's completely okay."

"Okay," I smile as I wrap my arms around his neck and tiptoe up a bit to give him a kiss, "let's head back then."

He wrapped his arms around me for a moment, though, pulled me in and gave me another kiss. We were having a moment and I was okay with it.

Cole is my boyfriend.

I like him. I have a good time with him. And I shouldn't throw in the towel over a couple mishaps, right? I mean, if I did that with every relationship, I'd probably be single forever. It's not like he screams at me constantly or hits me or anything like that. It's just stupid teenager guy things that I should be able to get over. And I want to do a better job at not getting mad at him. Sometimes I can't help it, but sometimes I do help it.

Out of the corner of my eye, though, I see Troy and Samantha.

She's laughing, throwing her head back, trying to be all cute as she put a hand on his shoulder and continued laughing. Like, I know Troy is funny, but what could he possibly have said to earn such a dramatic laugh from her? Ugh. Whatever.

I focused my attention back at Cole, who was staring into my eyes. I was staring into his and we were having a moment. A moment we needed.

"I'm gonna go play a game of beer pong," he tells me, releasing his arms from around me, "Trey's drinking it."

"Okay," I smile at him, "go ahead."

He gives me one last kiss and then heads back to the beer pong table.

And I just stand here for a moment and take a deep breath. I'm being silly. I shouldn't care what Troy's doing, who he's talking to, flirting with, any of that.

But the truth of the matter is, I do. Because for the longest time, I was his friend. I was the one who he talked to the most in life. And so when those feelings weren't reciprocated, not only was it embarrassing, but it hurt. Why was I not good enough for him? Was I not pretty enough? Funny enough? I was only enough to be his friend? I didn't understand. If he liked me so much as a person, as a friend, why couldn't it have been more?

So, seeing him with Samantha, it just hurts .

It's bringing back memories of liking him and it was just a bad time in my life. The worst, actually.

I need to stop thinking about it, let it go and just have fun. And that's what I do by joining the party and heading straight inside to get myself another drunk.I'm not drunk, I'm not close to being drunk, so another drunk will be just fine.

"Hey."

I turn around and see Troy standing there, a smile on his face. Ugh. I was JUST staring at him and Samantha. What is he doing here?

Nonetheless, I give him a smile as well and turn to face him. "Hi."

"Haven't talked to you all night."

"Oh, yeah," I'm surprised he's mentioning this. Well, maybe not too surprised. Things are good between us. In class, we talk. After class, we walk and talk sometimes. When we're at home and we see each other outside, we'll say hi and mention something. It's been like this for the past week and it's nice. It's heading in the right direction. Somewhere we so desperately need to get to since our families are still really good friends. It can't be awkward between us. It's exhausting. So, it's much easier if we're friends and we're getting along. "Well, you've been making the rounds."

Shit. Fuck. Gabriella. Why did you even say that?! It makes it look like you've been watching him.

Troy chuckled a bit and scratched the back of his neck. Yeah, I guess so. But I was wondering if you could do me a favor tomorrow."

"Sure," I say, without knowing what it is.

"My family and I have my cousin's sweet sixteen to go to so do you think you can watch Sasha? If you can't, that's totally cool. I think she's okay by herself, but we'd just feel more comfortable if someone was there with her. Do you have plans?"

"I don't," I shake my head, exciting about the chance to spend some time with Sasha, "Blair was probably just gonna come over, but it'll be fine."

"Well, she can come over, too, and hang out with you and Sash."

Okay, I'm in. I love Sasha. And I haven't seen her since Wednesday so I'm due for some time with her. And this is a step forward in our friendship- doing things for one another, favors. We always used to do things for each other and it'll be nice to have that again. To know I can rely on him for whatever.

So, I give him a smile, take a sip of the drink I made and nod my head, "I can watch Sasha, no problem."

"Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. What time should I be over?"

"Probably around 5:30. The party starts at 6. It's not much, it's just opening the for for her when you think she has to go to the restroom and just making sure she's not getting into anything, although she's been pretty good about that."

Yeah, she's a really chill puppy that I don't think it's going to be anything stressful. She's basically potty trained and she doesn't chew anything.

I nod, being perfectly okay with coming over at 5:30. "Sounds good."

"Thanks," he says, reaching over me and grabbing the bottle of tequila that's sitting on the counter, "I'll see you around."

Before I even had a chance to say anything else, he was turned around and walking out the door. I watched as he made his way past people and went back to sitting with Samantha and a couple of his friends who took the bottle of tequila from him and started pouring it in their glasses.

He wasn't drinking, but the rest of them were doing shots and they seemed to all be having a good time.

Especially Samantha and Troy.

Whatever. I'm over it. I need to let it go.

So, for the rest of the night, I don't even look in their direction.

* * *

"Is it weird seeing pictures of you in this house?" Blair asks me, picking up a picture frame, "I mean, this is an old picture."

"What?" I walk into the living room with Sasha in my hands, "let me see."

She comes over to me, sits on the couch just as I do and hands it over to me. It is an old picture. And I had no idea it was displayed here in the living room. Troy and I, and our siblings, went to Sea World when we were about ten and we had the best time. And that's what this picture is. Us at Sea World.

I knew she had it displayed when they lived here, but I didn't think she put it back. I mean, the rest of the house isn't really the same as it used to be.

"I didn't know she put it back on there."

"Is it weird to you?" Blair gets up and puts it back where she found it, "I'd feel weird."

"It's whatever," I shrug, leaning back and putting Sasha on my chest where she started sniffing my face, "it's not that bad of a situation."

Blair nodded as she turned around and joined me on the couch again, "true. It's not like you guys dated, had the worst breakup ever, and his mom is still displaying pictures of you guys. It was just a falling out."

Right. Don't remind me. Obviously, I still think about it. But like I said, we're getting to a good place and I wanna stay there.

"Let's order a pizza."

"Please," Blair grabs her phone, "where do you want it from?"

"Where do you think?" I laugh, kissing Sasha on the top of her soft little head, "I want sausage and pepperoni."

She didn't say anything else, except get on the phone and order our most favorite pizza. With a side of bread sticks and marinara sauce, of course. And I sat here and snuggled with little Sasha, who I love so much, it's insane. I never want to fight with Troy because I don't want to not see her, you know? It would break my little heart. I'm in too deep with this love affair I have going on with her.

Blair threw her phone to the side, laid back and kicked her feet up on the coffee table, "am I allowed to put my feet up here? You won't tell, right?"

I laughed, shaking my head. "No, because I want to, too."

"Good. They said about 20-25 minutes."

"Gah, I'm starving," I lay back, putting Sasha between us on the couch. "So, what's up with Dylan?"

There was an instant smile on her face so I know it's good. I know they've been talking, but she's kept it to herself and I'm at the point where I wanna know what's going on with my best friend and the guy she likes. I've given her her space and now I wanna know every single detail.

Well, whatever she wants to tell me, of course.

"Fine," she says, giving in, "things are... good. We've been hanging out a lot. After school, he'll come over, we'll do homework, watch TV."

"So, it can be something?"

"I think, so yeah," the smile never leaves her face, "it could all be his angle, it could all just be temporary, I don't know, but I've never had a guy treat me so well, make me feel like I'm this great thing, you know? The fact that he was so shy at the beginning makes everything that much better. It's so endearing. And on top of all of that, he's so good looking. So, yeah, things are good."

I was so happy for her. She deserves to be happy. And to have a guy treat her right because she's one of the best people I know. "I'm happy for you."

She's still smiling, but she turns slightly to face me, "what about you? Things are good with Cole?"

"Things are good," I shrug, stroking Sasha's back, "I'm trying my hardest to not get mad at him for the stupidest things. Things that aren't worth breaking up over because what good does it do being mad at him?"

"You have a right to feel upset, though, if you want to," she tells me, "you can't hide your emotions because you think you should."

"It's not that, it's just... things are fine. They are. I like him. It's just not how it was in the summer and that's fine, I guess. That's what happens when you're getting to know each other. You're infatuated and everything's a bit unrealistic. But then you're a couple and I guess it happens to everyone."

I know she didn't agree by the pause of silence. But I wanted her honest opinion.

It's what friends do.

"Do you want me to be mad at him?"

"No, Gabs," she says, "you know I like Cole. I do, on a personal level. I just think you're settling. I think you're trying to drag this relationship out because you think a month is too short, two months, whatever, and you think that's giving up. But if you're not happy, you're not happy. You shouldn't have to put time on it. I know he's nice, I know he's funny and outgoing and cute, but some people just don't mesh together. And maybe you thought you did, maybe he changed, maybe you changed, maybe it all changed. But I just don't really see it being this great thing and that's my honest opinion."

I get what she's saying because often times, I find myself doing that. Telling myself that we haven't been together too long so to stick it out...

It's not an easy thing when you do like someone, but often times, you find yourself second guessing everything that comes along with it. Are we really that compatible? Do we really like many of the same things?

We hung out for a while this summer so I don't think we rushed into things, but maybe things just changed.

"I appreciate it, B," I give her a smile, "I do. And I get what you're saying."

"Do what make you happy, though, for real. If this moment, he makes you happy, then by all means, stick with it. He's not a bad guy."

No. He's not.

Maybe he's just not the guy for me.

* * *

"Oh hey," I tell Troy a couple hours later as he comes strolling into the living room, "you're home early."

"Yeah," he chuckles, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the other couch, "it's going on til midnight, probably, but didn't want you staying all night..."

I honestly don't even mind.

Blair left around 8:30 because her and Dylan were gonna go watch a movie and so I've literally just been sitting here with Sasha in my lap sleeping while watching TV. I'm on my seventh episode of Desperate Housewives that I started re watching a couple weeks ago.

He could have stayed out way later. "Oh, I'm chilling. Having the best time honestly."

"Yeah?" He laughs a bit, looking over at the TV, "what're you watching?"

"Desperate housewives," I tell him, sitting up a bit, handing Sasha to him so he could say hello, "I'm on my seventh episode and you just interrupted."

"Oh, do you want me to go back?"

I laughed, bringing my feet up on the couch and turning towards him a bit as he sat down and placed Sasha in his lap. "Kind of, yeah. Just kidding. But, um, Sasha was a breeze. She peed outside, she pooped and then pretty much just chilled and slept the rest of the time. She's a dream pup."

Troy sat down next to me and immediately let Sasha do her thing- which is sniff his face off. It's the cutest thing she does.

"Thank you so much," he tells me, "we just felt better if someone was here watching her."

"Oh yeah, of course. Anytime... and I mean it."

"I know," he laughs, setting her down on his lap, where she immediately got comfortable and closed her eyes, "what time did Blair end up leaving?"

What time is it right now? 10? "She left about an hour and a half ago. Her and Dylan were gonna go watch a movie."

Troy kicked his feet up and brought a pillow to the side of him so he could rest his arm on it while he rested his other one of the arm of the couch, "how's that going for them? Dylan knew exactly what I was doing that one night, but he didn't get a fuck. It got him to where things are now."

"Which is good, I think," I laugh, "I think she's enjoying herself."

"I'm sure he is, too."

Yeah, I didn't want to say exactly what we talked about earlier. It's not of his business. It's girl talk.

I'm not sure when I'm supposed to get up and leave. I'm really comfortable right now and this episode has about 20 minutes left so I'd rather just finish it than have to start from this place on my TV. And as I was going to ask if I could finish this episode up before I left, I saw him reach for his phone and open up his text messages where he immediately opened up one and started typing away.

I shouldn't care who he's texting, what he's saying to said person, but he looks so sucked into this text that it's making me wonder who it is. And by miracle, he sneezes which makes him take his left arm over his mouth to cover his sneezing up while holding his phone in his hand, which led me to clearly see who he was texting.

Samantha Reed. SAMANTHA FUCKING REED.

I don't know what was said, he moved his hand right away and continued texting after I said bless you, but the text she sent was lengthy.

Are they actually hooking up? Dating? Do they like each other?

I have so many questions that I don't really want to directly ask, but I do want to know. This guy who was my best friend for ten years of my life has stuff going on in his life and I know longer am apart of knowing. I don't know if that's the issue here or I'm just slightly jealous.

But I don't want to be jealous. There aren't feelings there so I have no idea what it is. I really don't.

"Mind if I finish this episode?"

"What?" He looks up from his phone for a second, "sorry, hold on..."

Um, yeah, okay.

He finishes typing and then locks his phone and sets it down and turns to me, "sorry, what did you ask me?"

"I just asked if I could finish this episode."

"Oh, yeah, of course. You can even watch the net one too," he tells me with a small smile before getting up and grabbing his phone, "I'm actually gonna go make myself a pancake or something, I'm starving. Do you want anything?"

I'm kinda hungry, too. Blair took the leftover pizza for her and Dylan during the movie so I haven't ate anything in a couple of hours.

But I'm thinking I want something better than a pancake. "Actually, do you have nutella?"

"Always," he laughs, "why?"

"I'll make us some crepes," I tell him, getting up, grabbing the remote to put the TV on pause, "or do you not like them?"

"I love Crepes."

Well, okay, then. Crepes it is. I love crepes, too.

We walked over to the kitchen with Sasha in tow and with his permission, I started looking for the everything I needed to make the crepes. Flour, which of course his mom had since she's always baking. Milk, butter, water, eggs. Making crepes is actually quite simple and I love making them for breakfast in the morning. Strawberry, banana and nutella crepes... yum. Best thing, ever.

After I got everything I needed on the counter, Troy stood back and hung out with Sasha around the island as I took charge of everything.

"Do you make these often?"

"Yeah," I shrug, "it's kind of my specialty. Way better than pancakes or french toast for breakfast."

"There was this really good crepe place by my house in Seattle, used to go there for breakfast or after football games."

For a moment, I stopped what I was doing and thought about him in Seattle. Obviously, I knew he had a life there and he had friends and everything, but this was always his home. He grew up here. He had me, he had his friends. And so him being in a new city, having fun, going to get crepes and going to football games, that took me back for a moment. He had a life there.

I turned around from washing the strawberries and gave him a small smile. "How much do you miss being there?"

He shrugged, "I miss it, but I'm happy to be home."

"So it was better than you expected?"

"Yeah, I made the most of it. I made some really great friends that I know I can go visit whenever. But the minute my dad told me about transferring back over here, there wasn't really any sadness. I mean, I grew up here. Obviously, I wanted to come back."

Right. He wanted to come back. Again, which means he had absolutely no feelings for me or else I doubt he'd be jumping at the opportunity to come back since it would have been totally awkward between us, you know?

Ugh. Whatever. Push that out of your mind, Gabriella, and finish washing these strawberries.

"Are you planning a trip?"

"I was thinking about maybe heading out there during Winter Break, but I don't know. We'll see if my parents wanna go anywhere."

"Does it just pour during the winter?"

He laughs, "oh yeah. Rain all the time. You get kind of used to it, though."

I don't know if I could handle rain on an everyday level. I love the rain, for sure, but maybe a few days here and there at a time. So, I most definitely could not live in Seattle or anywhere where it rains constantly during the wintertime. Seattle is so beautiful, though, that maybe the rain doesn't even matter.

And I know I said I don't wanna think about his life in Seattle, but I wanna make conversation and I want him to know that I still care about him.

"What'd you do for fun out there? Besides football games?"

"Sorry, hold on, my mom's calling," he says, picking up his phone, "hey, mom, what's up?"

As he talked to her on the phone, I prepared the crepe mix, throwing in the flour, eggs, butter, milk and water together.

He got off the phone with her no less than two minutes later, but I was now in the zone to be making conversation with him. I grabbed a pan, put it on the stove and put the heat on medium as I drizzled some olive oil in the center. I whisked the batter a bit more making sure to get all the chucks out. And once it was ready, I poured some in there, making the first of the two crepes.

Troy just sat back and watched as he pet Sasha, "so, it's like making a pancake?"

"But thinner," I correct him, "you don't wanna add too much batter into the pan or else it becomes thick and crepes are supposed to be thin."

"Right, because you fill them up with things."

"Yes," I tell him, grabbing a spatula from one of the drawers, "and it doesn't take long at all to cook."

Before I knew it, his crepe was done and I set it off to the side as I put more batter in the pan for mine. I was going to make it really quick and then add the fruit and nutella at the same time so we can eat them together.

Once mine was done, I brought both over to the other counter and spread nutella in the middle, topping it with bananas and strawberries.

"That looks so good."

"It is," I close his crepe, flip it over and put a little more nutella on top and sprinkled it with a couple more strawberries.

And then I did the same to mine.

Once they were both done, we sat in the seats around the island and we both took our first bite together. I already knew how they were going to taste because I've had my crepes a hundred times, so I was really just waiting on his reaction.

And it was a good one. Thank God. "So freaking good."

"Yeah, you like it?"

"Unfortunately, you're now gonna have to invite me over whenever you're having crepes for breakfast."

"Sure," I laugh, but it really just brings up memories of him coming over for breakfast all the time years ago. So many memoirs between us that I can't help but be reminded of them by SO many things. But I guess we can make new memories with this new friendship. "They're so easy to make."

He nodded, taking another few bites. "So, what did you ask about Seattle?"

Oh right. "I asked what you did for fun."

"Right," he says, taking another bite, "I mean, stuff I do here. Hang with friends, go to the movies, house parties. Nothing out of the ordinary, really."

"Of course," I laugh. It was a silly question. It's not like Seattle is a small town. It's SO city. There's probably so much to do there.

But for the rest of the night, a good hour or so, he told me all about Seattle. His first day there, how the school was, about the friends he made there. Even about the girl he dated that his mom wasn't too thrilled on.

We talked about it all and you know what? I actually enjoyed every single minute of it.

Because it felt like old times.


	9. Chapter 9

"Hey kiddo."

"Oh hey, dad," I look up from doing my homework to him coming into the kitchen.

"Doing some homework?" He opens up the fridge and takes out a water, "How's school going for ya?"

I ignored him or a moment as I finished up these last two problems. I was almost done so I'd rather just get them done and then talk to him. "Sorry. I just finished. But school's... school. I do like my classes and my teachers, but the workload is getting to be a lot, but I can handle it."

He smiles at me as he loosens his tie to take it off, "of course you can. College applications are coming up. Have you narrowed it down yet?"

"Not really," I shrug, "I really don't know."

"We'll miss you terribly if you decide you want to go up north, but you know we'll definitely support you through it."

I know they will.

They're the best parents a girl could have. I'm so blessed.

But college talk stresses me out. Some days, a school on the East Coast sounds like a good idea. Other days, a school up north where I'm away, but not TOO far away. Most days, though, I can't even dreaming of moving out of here. So UC Irvine or UCLA, somewhere that's not far at all, is where my head's at most of the time. They're both such great schools and I'd be so lucky to get into any of them.

For right now, though, I don't really want to think about college applications. It's barely October. I have til mid November, I think.

"Thanks, dad. I still have time, so we'll see."

"Well, if you wanna talk about it, I'm here," he gives me a smile as he unbuttons the cuffs of his shirt, "your grandma made some pozole so I'm meeting your mom there in a little bit, did she tell you? Are you done with all your homework? Do you wanna come with?"

"Can you bring me home some for tomorrow? She did tell me, but Cole and I are going to dinner," I tell him, gathering all my things together.

He nods, "okay, we'll bring you home some. Don't stay out too late."

I shake my head as I get up, "nah, we're just gonna grab some dinner and come home."

My dad leaves to change so he can go to my grandmas and I put all my stuff away for school tomorrow. I quickly run upstairs to get a cardigan in case it gets a bit cold while we're out. And then I lay on the couch and turn on the TV while I wait for Cole to come over. He told me 6, but he's always late. Always.

So, I start watching an episode of Friends.

10 minutes later, I open the door to him standing there with a cupcake in hand.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Oh, Sam," he tells me, taking a step forward inside my home.

Sam? Who's Sam? "Sam who?"

He turns around as I close the door behind us but is too busy taking a bite to answer me yet. "Samantha Reed. Ran into her outside and she had a box of cupcakes so she offered me one. I wanted a red velvet but she said those were off limits so settled for this chocolate one. Still good."

What in the world? Why is he running into Samantha outside my house? She doesn't live in my neighborhood.

Oh fuck.

She's here to hang out with Troy. Of course.

"Oh," I try not to sound anything but whatever about it, "she was going to Troy's?"

"I guess," I shrugged, "yeah, she was heading in there. I think maybe they're dating, who knows."

Ugh. I'm not jealous I don't think, or upset, I'm just... I don't know. I don't know what I am. There shouldn't be any feelings there and there aren't. But maybe it's just the thought of him liking someone else when he didn't like me. Like I wasn't good enough for him but Samantha Reed is and I think maybe that hurts a bit because yeah, Samantha is gorgeous. She's gorgeous, she's smart, probably everything a guy looks for in a girl.

Other than the fact that she's a little slutty, but that's not my problem.

Obviously, it's going to happen. He's going to date. He's dated. And I shouldn't take it so personal and compare these girls to me. It's really so stupid.

"I'll be right back," I tell Cole.

And then I head upstairs to change my shoes because I decided I didn't like my current shoes with my outfit anymore. I quickly went into my closet, slipped off these current shoes and grabbed some other ones and checked them out in my full length mirror before heading out.

As I was about to head down the stairs, my dad called me.

"Hey, can you take these next door?" He hands me an envelope, "I'm running late."

"Are they for tonight?" I ask him, assuming they're Angel baseball tickets. He's always getting them and giving them to the neighbors. "If so, I don't think they're home so what? I just leave it in their mailbox for them?"

"What?" He looks a bit confused, "it's for Troy. He's going to the game tonight with a friend or something."

The fuck?

My dad got tickets for Troy to go on a date?!

Granted, he doesn't know anything. I don't think my mom has clued him in on anything, but still. I can't help, but feel a little... betrayed. It's silly, I know, but he's taking some girl to a baseball game on behalf of us. And it should be fine, it really should, but ugh. Why is this even happening?

"Oh, um, yeah, yeah, I can take them over," I tell him, turning around, "see you later."

I head down the stairs and Cole and I head out and walk over to his car.

He opens the door for me but I don't get in just yet. I just toss my purse in there and tell Cole I'll be right back before heading over to Troy's house. I take a deep breath, think about how weird I'm acting and decide to get over it, and then ring the doorbell.

Samantha opened the door. Something I wasn't expecting even though I knew she was there.

"Oh hey," she smiles at me.

"Hi," I tell her, "um, where's Troy?"

"He's upstairs getting something," she tells me, opening the door a bit wider, "come in. Are those the tickets? Thank you so much."

Samantha is that girl you wanna hate, but it just doesn't happen. I don't necessarily want to hate her, but she's the girl Troy's taken interest in and I guess that's just something I have to deal with. It's a small blow, but it's been a few years, I'm over it. I should be over. And it's not a big deal.

Troy then comes down the stairs and the minute we make eye contact, I'm reminded why I like him. Why I started.

Those eyes.

The way he looks at you, the way he makes eye contact...

Ugh. He doesn't like me like that. He didn't back then when he knew me better than anyone else so what makes me think he will now when he doesn't?

I shake off this stupid feeling as he greets me and thanks me for the tickets.

"Yeah, um, I hope you guys have fun," I hand them to him, "they're pretty good seats."

"I know, your dad's the best," he smiles at m,e opening the envelope and scanning over the tickets, "I owe him one."

Samantha then takes the tickets from him and looks them over and squeals in excitement. It's like he doesn't care that I know they're hanging out and dating. Not that he should, but I don't know, maybe be a little respectful because last he knew I was into him. Granted, I have a boyfriend so obviously that says I'm over him, which I am...

Fuck. In this moment, I realize there may still be something for Troy. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

"Yeah, well, um, I gotta go, Cole's waiting for me." Cole. My boyfriend. The guy I like. Yes. Him. "See you guys."

And then I race out of there and get in the car.

I shouldn't be thinking about anything other than my boyfriend.

But I can't help it.

* * *

"How was the game?" I ask Troy as we're driving home from school the next day.

"Oh, it was fun," he says, turning right out of the school parking lot, "are you hungry? Do you wanna get some food or something?"

What? Oh, this is a hang out? I thought we were just carpooling for the day. My car was getting an oil change so I asked him for a ride. I mean, I am hungry, but I don't know about this. In his mind, we're rebuilding out friendship. in my mind, I'm trying to fight these feelings.

And hanging out with him wouldn't be fighting them.

But if I pull away now he'll definitely know something's up. I mean, it's been going so well between us.

"Yeah, sure."

"Sushi? Mexican?" He throws out suggestions, "I'm good with either one."

Hmm, I think I'm craving sushi a bit more. I haven't had sushi in a week or so, actually, and it's time that I have some. "Yeah, sushi's fine."

Five minutes later, we were sitting in one of my favorite sushi restaurants in all of Orange County. It's my go to place for a casual sushi lunch meal. Or dinner, whatever. It's casual, it's delicious, it's not too expensive and it's SO fucking good.

"What are you going to get?"

"I'm not sure yet," I tell Troy opening the menu, "maybe I'll get a couple of rolls because I'm actually starving."

"Same," he laughs, opening his menu as well.

We both decided to get two rolls, which is a total of four rolls, and we'll just share with each other. Fine by me, the more sushi to pick from, the better.

It's not that awkward with Troy anymore. It's safe to say we're friends so hanging out, it doesn't necessarily feel like old times, but it's good, it's fun. And this crush on him, these feelings I have, they're not standing in the way per say. They're just there hanging out. Ha. But really, it's fine hanging with him.

I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. I know how it feels like to not be friends with him and it's awful.

"So your brother's having a party next weekend?" He asks me.

"Oh, yeah," I tell him, grabbing some complimentary edamame, "the big 1-3."

Troy laughs, "yeah, I remember my 13th birthday. It was the time of my life. Are your parents going all out for him or what?"

I shrug, not really knowing. I'm super close to my brother. He's such a good soul. But right now, he's kind of in that phase where all he wants to do is hang with his friends and their houses and play sports. Which is understandable. I mean, I have my sister, too. "Probably, yeah, he's their favorite."

Again, he laughs, "oh, I'm sure that's not true."

"It's not," I laugh, "but you know, he's the youngest, so hey cater to him a bit more which is understandable. I get it."

"I can't believe he's going to high school next year, that's crazy."

"It's crazy and then not too crazy. I feel like he's such a little adult right now. Always out and about, always staying over at his friends houses. I feel like he's never home. So, it's like he's already kind of grown up. But yeah, it'll probably still be crazy."

Troy nodded, grabbing some edamame and squeezing the little beans out, "yeah, well, it's also crazy that we're graduating soon and going to college."

Ugh. College. I don't wanna think about it.

But it's going to come up sooner or later. So why not? "I know. Have you decided where you're going to apply?"

"Yes and no," he shrugs, "the idea of staying in SoCal sounds ideal, but there are SO many schools and having the full college experience seems so fun. So, we'll see. UCLA, USC, those are good schools. Maybe up north. Maybe the East Coast. Or just anyone that will accept me, to be honest."

"i'm sure you'll get into a great school," I assure him.

"And you as well," he grabs his drink and takes a sip, "anyone you're set on?"

I shake my head, "not too much. I'm in the same boat as you. Luckily, there are great schools not too far from here, so maybe I won't even have to go far."

Troy nods, "yeah, like UCLA, USC, UC Irvine. Pepperdine is a little farther, Malibu, but that's a great school. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the school Samantha is set on. That's an idea."

Ew. He did not just say that. I mean, I have no reason to judge, but ugh. Why did he have to ruin the mood?

He's obviously not intentionally running because he doesn't know what I'm feeling, but still. He's talking about Samantha as if she's his girlfriend and blah blah blah. I don't want to hear about her, I don't want to picture them together and I certainly don't wanna think they'd go off to the same school.

"You'd apply to the same school as her? Didn't know you guys were serious."

"What?" He looks taken aback, "no, no, I'm just saying... Pepperdine could be a school you apply for."

"Oh."

"Yeah, um, no, it's nothing like that."

I shrug, grabbing some more edamame, "you don't need to explain anything to me. I guess I just jumped to conclusions... the game and everything."

He looked away for a moment, scanning the restaurant, and then his eyes landed back on mine. Nothing was being said. It was silent. And I hope I didn't just make everything awkward. What, I can't assume they're dating? I see them talking everywhere. He took her to a freaking Angels game.

"It's just... it's early, we're still getting to know each other."

"No, I get it."

I get it and I don't like it... one bit. But obviously, I don't tell him that. Like I said, we're rebuilding our friendship. I don't wanna mess it up.

So, I suck it up, put smile on my face and pretend like it doesn't bother me.

Even though it really does.


	10. Chapter 10

I just wanna go home.

Which is so typical of me, yet here I am at another party on a Friday night.

"Why does it seem like you're having the worst time?" Madison asks me, handing me a bottle of water that I asked her for, "are you okay? What's up?"

"I'm fine," I tell her, "just really tired."

I was tired so it's not an excuse, but I also don't wanna sit here and watch Cole get drunk. I hate when he gets drunk. And I hate it even more when I have to witness it. I'm tired of his partying, I'm tired of him always having to be at every party which makes me want to be here so I can keep an eye on him. Like, this isn't what life is all about and it's getting frustrating that this is what I have to deal with every single weekend.

Mads, obviously, doesn't let it go. "Look, stop making yourself suffer and just call it off. It's not worth it, Gabs, it's really not."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah, why not? You're not in love, you're just wasting time."

I wouldn't say I'm wasting time, but I feel like we hit a standstill and it's not going anywhere. I mean, how could it when his weekends are consumed by the party of the weekend? And then being too tired the next day to do anything together.

Maybe this is as good as it's going to get and I have to accept that. But I don't know if I really want to.

You see, in my stupid head, a good reason for staying with him is I have absolutely no right to have feelings for someone else. It restricts it in a way.

It doesn't necessarily prevent it, but it helps a bit.

And right now, I can't deal with getting stronger feelings for Troy. I really, really can't let that happen. So in a way, having Cole around, it suppresses them and it sounds SO bad. It sounds SO fucked up, I know. But I think that's what it is. Along with I don't want to really hurt him.

"Mads, it's not that easy."

"Sure, it is," she shrugs it off, "you know you're not happy. And I doubt he'll be devastated."

We both look over to where he is and he's about to take a shot. He's laughing, holding his shot glass out, making a toast with his friends and then downing it.

It looks like he's having the time of his life and this is what happens every weekend. It always looks like he's having the time of his life every weekend, which is not bad. He should have fun, he's young. But it's excessive. And it's not for me. It's not something I want in a significant other, it's just not.

"I feel like we have this talk way too much and I'm so sick of it."

"Don't sugarcoat it," I tell Mads.

"Sorry," she apologizes, "you know I love you, but I just don't think this relationship is healthy. You're not happy."

She's right. I'm not that happy. And it sucks. I wish I was. I so wish I was.

I look back at Cole and he's laughing his head off about something. His buddies are all high fiving each other and then start to set up a beer pong table for a game. My eyes move a few feet over and there I spot Troy. Who's with Samantha and a couple of his friends and he has no drink in hand.

In fact, he hardly has a drink in his hand.

People come to parties to hang out and talk with friends, not necessarily to drink and I appreciate that.

All of a sudden, Troy sits down on a bench and Samantha takes a seat right next to him and she leans her head on him and laughs about something.

Ugh.

I don't need to see this.

"It's really not the time or place," I tells Mads, uncapping my water and drinking almost half of it, "I'm tired of having this conversation just as much as you and I get it. I get you want the best for me. I want the best for me, to. And it's just something I have to think about, okay?"

"Okay,' she puts her hands up in defeat, "you can do whatever you want."

I give her a small smile and then we walk back to our group and for a minute, I'm enjoying myself.

But then I hear Cole laughing so loud, I turn around to see what was going on over here.

His friend fell. He was so drunk, he fell over. And Cole is standing there laughing at him which is something I can't even wrap my head around.

I quickly went over there to make sure Jackson was okay. One minute he was standing on a chair, I guess, and the next he was on the ground. Granted, it's his fault for being drunk and stupid, but still, I want to make sure he's okay. So the second he opens his eyes and chuckles a bit, I know he's fine.

"What the fuck," I push Cole.

"Geez, what?" He says, putting a cup of beer down, "hold on guys."

He pulls me away from them for a moment and I don't know why I'm so mad at him right now. I think it's just everything at once.

Before even telling me anything, he looked over at his friends and told them not to play just yet. "What's your problem? Jackson's fine, okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine, thank God," I tell him, "but what if he wasn't? You're standing there laughing. He was drunk standing on a fucking chair. He could have been hurt a lot worse and you were laughing. This isn't a joke, Cole. Drinking is not a fucking joke."

"Geez," he says, "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Nothing." He doesn't get it. He doesn't fucking get it. "You make me so mad sometimes and you don't even know why."

He shakes his head, "no, I don't. I think you just like being mad. We're having fun. Maybe you should try it sometime, you'd be a lot happier."

I couldn't believe what he just said to me.

Nope. I was done. But I was not going to break up with him here.

So with that, I just walked away. I walked away, angrily of course, made my way through this stupid crowd and went out front. I needed to get away from everyone. I needed a minute to myself. I can't believe it's gotten to this point. I can't believe this is where we're at.

And it sucks.

It sucks my boyfriend does not seem like a decent human being anymore.

All he cares about is partying and having fun. And laughing at his drunk friends who could have been hurt.

That boggles my mind. It boggles my mind that he was laughing at him. He could have hit his head really hard and he could have gotten a concussions or cracked his head open. Who even knows. And he was standing there, laughing at him. Who does that? I can't believe him, I really can't.

"You okay?" I hear from behind me.

I turn around, try to hold the tears in and see Troy standing there.

Fuck. Not now.

"I'm fine," I tell him, wiping a tear that was falling before he saw it, "just getting some fresh air."

"Are you sure?" He comes over to me, "I don't know what was said, but I know something happened, so if you want to..."

"No, I don't," I kind of snap at him, "I don't wanna talk about it. I'm fine. You don't need to come after me. You don't need to ask me if I'm okay like you actually want to be out here right now. It's not like that anymore. So, why don't you go inside and hang with Rebecca and just have the best time, okay!?"

Nothing was said. It was silent.

And I have no idea why all that came out of my mouth.

I was frustrated with Cole and jealous and combined, it just made it all come out.

Fuck. Now he's going to know I'm jealous and it's seriously the last thing I want right now. But I just couldn't help it.

Troy took a step back and gave me a lingering look, "sure, okay..."

I shouldn't have blown up at him like that. But like I said, I was jealous and frustrated. Here I am, in the midst of breaking up with my boyfriend and there he is, starting a relationship with a beautiful girl. And it just sucked. So many aspects of my life suck right now and it makes me incredibly sad.

Before I could apologize for basically screaming at him, he's back inside.

I do feel bad about it, but right now, I just wanna be alone. Actually, I just wanna go home.

And forget about this stupid night.

* * *

I went all of Sunday not talking to Cole. Not even one stupid text from him.

But now, at school, he's trying to talk to me.

"Oh, now you wanna talk?" I ask him, trying to walk away from him, "what, your phone wasn't working?"

"I was busy," he says, as if that's a good excuse. He doesn't care about me and frankly, I'm over it. We're done. And if we're breaking up right here at school, so be it. "Come on, Gabs, talk to me. I'm sorry, okay? I was drunk and I wasn't thinking clearly and I'm really sorry."

"That's the problem, Cole!" I turn around and yell at him, "you're always sorry. You're always not thinking clearly and I'm so fucking over it."

He groaned the second I turned around, but grabbed my arm, "babe, come on, don't go..."

I made him let go of me. I couldn't do this. "Cole, this isn't working and this isn't going to work. You don't know how to be a good boyfriend and apparently, I'm not the best girlfriend for you. So, let's just walk away..."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah," I tell him, "it's not working."

"You know what?" He says, looking upset, "I'm sorry I'm not a 4.0 student, I'm sorry I like to have fun, I'm sorry I don't like to read. But you're not fucking better than me and you can't act like you're the best around. Like I somehow am the bad one in this relationship, okay?"

I get what he's saying, but it's so irrelevant, it really, really is. "Cole, stop..."

He shakes his head, though, and keeps going. "You're never going to find someone because you're just miserable and I can't understand why."

I'm not miserable. I'm not miserable in my life at all.

That's a little extreme.

With that, he walked away and we were officially broken up and it was like a huge weight was off my shoulders.

His words hurt, though. I understand why he said those things that he said. Was it right? Probably not. But I get it. I bitched at him a lot. I know I did. And looked down on all his partying. But I'm not going to apologize for who I am. Ever. Someone will eventually love me, I hope.

It just wasn't him and that's okay.

But it still hurt and it still made me feel a bit sad about it.

So as I made my way to my car, I fought back these tears. tears abut time I wasted, about the words he said to me, and about how I'm being.

"Whoa, what's wrong?"

Of course. Of course Troy is approaching me, asking me what's wrong. "Nothing."

He didn't buy it. "It's obviously not nothing."

"Cole and I broke up," I tell him really fast, trying to get past him to get to my car. I just wanted to go home.

"You did?" He didn't look totally surprised, but it looked like he wanted to know more. "I'm sorry. I know it probably doesn't mean anything to you, it was loud and clear, but honestly, Gabriella, if you need someone to talk to..."

"Thanks," I smile at it. I appreciate it. And I'm trying to take back what I said the other night.

He gave me a smile back as we just stood here in the parking lot next to my car. His was a couple cars down. "You deserve way better, though."

I deserve better? "What?"

"What?" He looks a bit confused and chuckles, "you deserve better than Cole. He's an asshole if he doesn't know how great you are."

Oh PLEASE. Spare me. This is total fucking bullshit right now.

And I can't believe I'm about to go off on him in the SCHOOL PARKING LOT.

"Oh, I deserve better than Cole?" I ask him, "you don't even fucking know me anymore so how could you know what I deserve and don't? You left me three years ago without one single fucking goodbye. No text, no phone call, no letter and you come back into my life, thinking we could just pick our friendship back up and then you try to tell me that I'm fucking great and I deserve better. Fuck you, Troy. Seriously. Save me that fucking bullshit."

"Gabriella," he attempts to respond.

But I cut him off, "no, don't. You left. You barely know me anymore. You can't fucking say I'm great. You just can't... because if I were great..."

I don't even finish that sentence. If I were great, he would have kissed me back.

No, I can't tell him that.

So, I don't. I just stop right there, turn around and get inside my car and I drive. I drive away. I drive and cry. And think about everything in the past few years. I think about that stupid kiss. Him leaving. Him not calling me. The day he moved back. The day I met Cole. Everything. I'm just thinking about everything. And how my life would have been life if he had never moved. If I had never kissed him that night.

I can't go back, though. This is my life. And this is what I have to deal with.

Fuck this.

It's complete, one hundred percent bullshit.


	11. Chapter 11

"Here," Blair hands me my fries from the bag.

"Thanks," I take them and set it down on the napkin I have laid out.

She takes out her food and lays it out on the table as I depressingly look over what we can watch as we eat our food.

I'm not depressed, I shouldn't say that.

It's been a week since Cole and I broke up and I'm fine. I'm not pining over him. I'm not wanting him back. I'm not even that sad about it, to be honest. It had to happen. I knew it wasn't going to last years and years. We just weren't on the same page about most things and that's super important.

I hate to say it, but I'm just down in the dumps because of Troy Alexander freaking Bolton.

"Why don't you have a real conversation about everything?"

"What?" I stop scrolling through the channels for a minute and look over at Blair, "have a real conversation?"

"Yeah," she says, grabbing a fry and throwing it in her mouth after she dips it in ranch, "with Troy. You're obviously still hurt and you guys went back into a friendship where I know you didn't necessarily want it to be like that. There are so many unresolved feelings there and I think it'll be good to have a talk."

Ugh. I don't want to. "Blair, there are unresolved feelings for ME. For him, it's like whatever. There was nothing there for him."

She frowns a bit, "still..."

"Who does he think he is thinking I deserve better when he didn't want me?"

"Maybe it was just something to say," she argues, "or maybe he does mean it. And that's okay. He knows you, well knew you well enough..."

"Exactly my point!" I exclaim, "he doesn't know me anymore. I'm not that 13 year old girl anymore without a care in the world. I have responsibilities now and shit going on that I have to deal with everyday. That can certainly change a person."

Blair sighed, grabbing some more fries, "at the core, you're the same, Gabs, you know you are. You just want to be mad at him for some reason."

Of course I'm still upset with him. "He didn't want to be friends."

"How can you say that?"

"He didn't text me, he didn't call... how can you just get over that? If that happened to me and you now, I don't know how I could recover, really. You don't just abandon your friend because of a stupid mistake. Your supposed best friend. You just don't."

"I get that. I really do. But maybe that's why you guys should talk about everything. You can't possibly want him out of your life for good."

No, I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Whether we're close or not. A life without Troy Bolton just doesn't seem imaginable.

I know sooner or later, we're going to have to talk and I can't keep ignoring him when we're at school, when we're both outside our houses. It's just really hard. I don't know where to begin, I don't know how it'll end. And honestly, before he came back, I was getting used to not having him in my life. I had the summer of my life. I had the best friends imaginable and a guy I liked.

And then he came back and everything kind of got moved around and it's not one hundred percent his fault, but somewhat.

He made these feelings come back.

"I just don't know if it's in us to be friends like we were before. It's silly to have that dream, you know?"

"Maybe, but you seriously can't throw a ten year relationship because of a little space. That's crazy, Gabs. You and I both know you still care about him."

"But that's the thing, it wasn't just space. It was cut off completely," I shake my head, "one hundred percent cut off. It's like he didn't want to be my friend anymore because of what I did and I get I freaked him out but we were close enough to talk about it. Or I thought we were and now... we're not."

Blair opened up her box of chicken nuggets and opened up another ranch packet and shook her head, "I just think there needs to be a real talk. A serious talk where you guys decide exactly what you need out of the friendship."

Maybe. Maybe not. "I don't know if I can really handle that. I don't know if I can just go back."

"Why, Gabs?"

"Why? Because there are feelings there Blair. I don't think I can just be his friend. So, maybe it's better that he's out of my life."

It was the first time I was admitting it. Sure, they could all pick up on it and they're my best friends so obviously they know. But it's true. I don't think I can just be friends with Troy Bolton anymore. It would hurt to much. So, it's probably better that we're not talking. There's no chance of me falling deeper.

Blair turned to me and gave me a small smile, "he deserves to know, don't you think?"

"B, he's with Sam. I'm not going to be that girl."

"What if he wants you to be?" She argues. "You'll hate yourself if you just stand back and keep these feelings to yourself."

No, I won't. Maybe. I don't know. All I know is I'm not going to be that girl that ruins something because of feelings I'm having. Feelings that could probably go away. It's not a life or death situation so I'm definitely not going to put him in an awkward position with Samantha. I'm not that much of a bitch.

So, no. I don't think I can. "B, he's getting to know her, I'm not going to do anything. It's fine."

"Don't you want to be happy?"

"Who knows if he's even the guy. He hurt me before, surely, he can hurt me again."

"But that's different. He had no control over leaving," she tells me, grabbing a chicken nugget and dunking it in ranch, "and I get he could have kept in touch, but it's hard at that age and you did kiss him and maybe he was just a little... taken aback. He obviously still cares about you."

Yeah, but not the way I want to care about him.

I want to kiss him again and make sure these feelings are real.

And that's probably the last thing on his mind. It's probably not even on his mind. And that's okay with me.

Maybe it's not completely okay with me, but I have to be okay with it. I can't expect him to just like me because we were best friends. That's not what this is about. I completely respect that he doesn't like me like that. It was just the way he went about it that I resented him a bit for. He could have least called me and told me he wasn't interested and didn't want to ruin our friendship instead of just cutting me out completely. It would have hurt less.

"I don't know, B..."

I just need some time. Away from him.

* * *

"Do you remember Jeremy?" Kylie asks as we're getting some frozen yogurt together.

"Jeremy?" I try to think if I know of anyone named Jeremy, but it's not ringing a bell. I mean, there's Jeremy Hall at school but she knows I know him so she wouldn't ask if I remember him. Who's Jeremy? "Um, no..."

"My cousin's best friend. You met him at my birthday party," she grabs a cup before we stand in line, "remember?"

Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember. "Yeah, why?"

She shrugs, moving ahead in line, "I don't know, maybe you'd want to go out with him sometime. I was with them a couple days ago and him and his girlfriend of, like, four months just broke up. You and Cole broke up. It's perfect. I remember you guys flirting at my party."

"We weren't flirting," I roll my eyes as I tell her to move up, "but no, thanks. I'm not dating."

"Why not?" She groans, like a five years old, "one date. You never know what it could lead to. He could be your soul mate! He's cute, Gabs."

I can't help, but roll my eyes. She was so dramatic sometimes.

Ignoring her, I step in front of her and pull down the lever to grab some tart frozen yogurt into my cup. This is the only thing I'm thinking about right now- my frozen yogurt and what kind of toppings I'm going to get on it. Not dating or guys or anything else.

"So no?"

"I don't know, Ky, I'm not in the mood, really..."

"I'm just trying to help you out. I feel like you're in a funk and I don't like it. It's senior year, you're supposed to be having fun!"

Exactly! I'm supposed to be having fun. Maybe it's a good thing I'm single and that I called it off with Cole. "And you think dating is fun? It's complicated at times, stressful, nerve wracking. I'm single. Why can't I just hang out with my friends and have fun?"

Kylie groaned as she poured herself some strawberry frozen yogurt, "I just think you'd guys would be so cute. But I get it. You're not ready."

It's not that I'm not ready. It wasn't love with Cole. I just don't think I can date right now.

My mind's not fully there.

"Hey guys," we suddenly hear coming from behind us.

We both turned around from putting toppings on our frozen yogurt and see Samantha standing there with her best friend Reagan.

You've got to be kidding me. Is this really happening right now? Ugh, did she hear our conversation? How long has she been behind us? Hopefully she just came up right now because I was having a private moment with my friend. Okay, it wasn't that private, but whatever.

"Oh hey!" Kylie says hi, enthusiastically. She likes them, though, they're all friends.

I don't not like Samantha, I guess I'm just annoyed she has the guy I once wanted. Or do. I don't know.

But I say hi anyway. "Hey."

"What are you guys doing?" Kylie asks them as if it's not obvious. They're getting frozen yogurt, duh. "We just finished a little shopping."

Reagan chuckled as she pulled the lever down on the chocolate frozen yogurt to put some in her cup. Samantha already had hers and she was just waiting for toppings. "We're about to do a little shopping, actually. I want a new dress for Rebecca's 18th birthday party next week. Are you guys going to that?"

We were invited, but eh, I don't know. It depends how I'm feeling I guess. I'm not the closest to Rebecca so it wouldn't matter.

"I'm thinking about it, yeah. I have another party to go too, as well, so we'll see, Kylie tells them.

"What about you?"

Oh, she's talking to me. "Yeah, I'm not sure yet. Might be out of town."

I totally just bullshitted, but Rebecca is their good friend so if I say no, they're gonna probably tell her. And it wouldn't be a big deal if I just don't show up, but if I say no a week before, they're gonna think it's because of something and I don't like her and blah blah blah. You know how high school girls are.

"Oh, where are you going?" Samantha asks, which I'm annoyed about because that was just an excuse, obviously.

"San Diego," I quickly say, "little weekend getaway for my cousin's birthday weekend."

"Well, that sounds like fun. I was actually thinking about asking Troy if he wanted to take a little day trip down there one of these days. They have the best Mexican restaurant in Old Town. And he told me he hasn't been to San Diego in years and he misses it."

Oh, this is fucking great.

Cool. What am I supposed to say to this? Have fun?

Yeah, right. I don't want them having fun. I want them to have a miserable time and for them to break up and go their separate ways.

Just kidding, I'm not that mean. I'm just... frustrated. Sad, I guess. But that's life. Sometimes a guy likes you, sometimes they don't. And I shouldn't take it personally. I should beat myself up about i and think all these negative things about myself. I don't. It just sucks. It sucks I have this stupid crush on him and he doesn't like me back. Never has and probably never will. I mean, why? When he has a girl like Samantha, there's no where to go but down, pretty much.

"Yeah, that would be fun," I gave her a small smile, "maybe a day we don't have school."

"Yeah, something like that," she says.

And then Kylie stepped in because although she doesn't necessarily know the details about everything, she knows I once had a major crush on Troy and he left me heartbroken when he left and cut me off completely. "Well, our yogurt is melting so we'll see you guys at school."

We said our goodbyes, they finished getting their yogurt, we paid and then we made our way out.

As soon as we got in her car, we dove right into our yogurt and ate it.

"Was that uncomfortable?" She asks me, "I know you guys are okay now, but just knowing him and Sam are dating... I mean, that's gotta hurt a bit."

"Ky, I like him."

She almost spit her yogurt out. I can trust Kylie with my life. She may not be the friend I tell everything to or the one who I'd show up crying at 2 in the morning to. But she's a huge part of my life and is one of the greatest friends I'll ever have. I have to clue her in. I have to tell her what's going on.

Immediately, she wiped her mouth and put her yogurt down for a second. "You like Troy?"

"Yeah, I think so," I sigh, "and I shouldn't. He's with Sam, he's made it clear he doesn't have feelings. We're not really in a good place right now. I was just so fed up and frustrated still with how he dealt with everything that I blew up."

"What do you mean, you blew up?"

"He told me I deserved better than Cole and I yelled at him."

She still didn't quite get in. "He was trying to be nice, though, right?"

Well, yeah. "And it's frustrating. He's telling me I deserve better, that I'm great, blah blah blah, yet there he was rejecting me when we were 13. He knew what that kiss meant to me. He's not an idiot. He was my best friend who knew me better than everyone. He knew I didn't accidentally do it and it wasn't a mistake so for him to just say that, it was like a punch in the stomach. I deserve better but just not you? You know? Plus, he shut me out. He doesn't even know me anymore. Well, I'm not the same, basically, but I yelled that to him and it's just been weird ever since."

"You had every right to react like that," Kylie tells me, "he's an idiot and he always will be if he doesn't realize what's right in front of him."

"You have to say that."

"No, I don't," she laughs, "but I want to because I know you and I know that you're the greatest person."

I love my friends. They're the best people I've ever known. And they help me get through whatever shit I need to get through. I miss Troy being my best friend, yes, but I have the greatest of friends that have become like sister's to me. I don't need another friend at this point in my life. I really don't.

So, in that case, I'm not missing much. But romantically? I can't help but wonder what it'd be like.

I liked him then, I thought about him when he was gone, and I like him now.

Ugh. This really, really sucks.


	12. Chapter 12

Well, I'm not out of town, but I'm sick as a dog.

I'm running a 101 fever, I have chills all over my body, I'm burning up. It's too much.

This party is supposed to be a good one. I mean, for everyone else. They were all excited for her. Probably because she has a really good party house and because her parents buy a shit ton of alcohol. And since it's her 18th birthday, they're probably going all out for her.

But really, I'm perfectly fine just chilling here at home snuggled up watching Desperate Housewives on Netflix and eating soup.

"Come in!" I tell Madison, who's knocking on my door.

She strolls in, in her party outfit and holding a bag from In N Out. Ha, of course. I don't blame her, though.

Mads immediately frowns upon seeing me all wrapped up in my blanket, "how're you feeling? I probably shouldn't even be here right now, but I'm a good friend so here I am. You didn't want anything to eat, did you? I can go back..."

"I'm feeling okay," I tell her, "my fever's been holding 100 for the past two hours so that's good. And I don't feel TOO cold anymore. How was the party?"

"It was fine," she shrugged, "I bailed early, but I'd much rather be here, to be honest."

I'm thankful she's here.

My parents and my sister and brother went down to San Diego for the weekend, actually. Which is weird since I made up a lie of maybe going for my cousin's birthday. But my dad got tickets to a baseball game down there and so the four of them went for a little family vacay. I actually didn't feel sick until after they left, but regardless, I wasn't going to go with them because he only got four tickets. Doesn't that suck? Having an odd number family.

Whatever. It wasn't too much of a bummer. At least I get the house to myself all weekend, which I'm always excited to have.

Of course Mads is spending the night. I couldn't stay here by myself. And my neighbors are all the best people, they keep an eye on me. For the most part, my parents trust me. And we have a security system so it's not too bad. But I feel safer with people.

"Was the whole school there, pretty much?"

"Yeah," she takes her food out and it looks so good, but it doesn't feel too appetizing. That's how you know I'm actually sick. "There were a ton of people."

"Thanks for staying with me," I tell her, petting my dog Finn who had his head on the couch.

She looked at me and rolled her eyes, "like you had to ask."

Well, I did! A lot of people like sleeping in their own beds. Madison and I have sleepovers, but it's never like a planned thing. If we're out and she's tired, she'll crash her or vice versa. We never call each other up and say, hey let's have a slumber party! It sort of just happens on it's own most of the time.

"Is Blair coming over?"

"I don't know, I asked her, but she was still hanging out," Mads shrugged, squirting ketchup all over her friends, "maybe her sister will drop her off."

"Yeah, maybe," I tell her, moving a bit so I can face her, "so guess what I heard?"

Madison took a bite of her cheeseburger, stuffed a couple of fries in her mouth and then washed it down with her pink lemonade before responding. "What did you hear?"

I'm not sure it's one hundred percent true, but it came from a very reliable source so I'm okay with passing this message along. Actually, I know it's true. It's probably one hundred percent true. Ha. "Wait, what do you think about Noah?"

"Noah?" She looked a bit confused as she reached for more fries. "Noah Baldwin? Um, he's nice. I haven't really talked to him until this year, he's in two of my classes..."

"That's it? He's nice? That's all you think about him?"

"Gabs, what's going on?" She turns to me and I'm surprised she doesn't get it. She has to get it. "Tell me."

So I tell her the obvious reason I'm asking. "Well, someone might have told me that he thinks you're beyond gorg, he likes talking to you and he's trying to work up the courage to ask you out but he hasn't had the opportunity. And by someone I mean his sister, so you know, very reliable source."

Madison looked shocked. Not shocked, but like I was just fucking with her. I would never! "Why would his sister tell you this? I don't know if..."

"It's true, Mads, just accept it."

"But he's like... big shot on campus. Captain of the baseball team. No..."

"And you're Madison Hill, which says enough," I tell her, "I'm totally not surprised he's into you and you shouldn't be, either. Now, I'm just wondering if you are or if you'd be open to it or whatever. I mean, he's hot, Mads..."

She laughs, "he is. But are you sure? I don't know why I feel like you're fucking with me."

I'm offended. Not really. "Mads, I'm not! Why would Lindsay make this up? It makes absolutely no sense. He digs you."

"We were kinda talking tonight," she tells me, a small smile forming on her face, "but I don't know, I thought he was just being nice because I was sitting by myself waiting for Blair to bring me a water which she never returned with so."

"See, he's into you. He's slowly, but surely making a move. I'm not lying about this and you should seriously consider it, maybe start flirting with him."

She laughed, shaking her head a bit and stuffing more fries in her mouth. "I don't know, he dated Britt Nelson and she seems like the total opposite of me, don't you think?"

Britt Nelson is the total opposite of Madison, I can tell you that. "And they're no longer together so maybe she's not the kind of girl for him and you are. Come on, how many bad things have you heard about Noah Baldwin? His dad saves peoples lives and his mom is the sweetest woman who volunteers at the school all the time. He's nice, he's hot, you're nice, you're hot... it's like a match made in Heaven that I never thought about before."

"Why are you so set on this?"

"I don't know, I just think it'd be nice... you dating someone," I tell her. She's never had a boyfriend, just boys she's hung out with.

"Oh, is it nice? If I remember, you just broke up with your boyfriend so how much fun could dating someone in high school really be?" She argues.

Okay, maybe she's right. But the thought of her dating someone, knowing what it feels like to be giddy about someone, is exciting to me. She's my best friend. I want her to be happy in that aspect of her life. "Mads, come on. I'm just saying... I think if he starts giving you signs, if he asks to hang out, something as simple as lunch, say yes."

She sighs, leans back on the couch and laughs. "I can't believe Noah Baldwin is into me."

"I can," I roll my eyes, "so play into it. I think it'll be nice."

"I kind of hate that you told me this and it didn't just come out and surprise me because now in Chem when we're sitting next to each other, I'll feel awkward around him."

"It'll be hard pretending you don't know, I know, but try. Don't make it awkward or maybe he'll change his mind."

Madison rolls her eyes as she leans forward and finishes eating her food. That was enough Noah talk for the night. I don't want to pressure her into anything. She can do whatever she wants with her love life. Well, not whatever, I'll definitely step in and voice my opinion if I don't agree with something, but for now, she's in charge of whatever makes her happy and if that's maybe pursuing something with Noah, so be it.

Just as I was going to get up to get water, I heard a knock on my door which made me a little freaked out. Who could be here at 11:30 pm?!

"You get it!"

"No way," Madison shakes her head, "it's your house. You get it."

Ugh. She's right. So, I get up as they knocked again, this time three times in a row, which makes me think they're not leaving if I don't open the door. I sneakily walk over and try to hide just in case it's someone I don't know and don't want them to see me. As I approached quietly the door, another knock came through.

This time, a voice came through. "Gabs, it's Blair. Open the door, it's freezing out here!"

Blair!? Oh my gosh. I hate her.

I opened the door to her standing there, her hair a bit disheveled and in a sleeveless dress. "Finally. What the fuck took you so long?"

"Sorry, I wasn't really expecting you. You never texted back."

"Yeah, sorry," she walks in, gives me a disgusted look and moves to the side like I'm the most contagious person on Earth. "I wasn't really checking my phone. I didn't know it was really a question, more like an invite so if I decide yes, I can just come over. And well, here I am..."

Madison turned around to face us, "were you getting it on with Dylan or something?"

Blair laughed, fixing her hair a bit and throwing her purse down on the couch, "no, we weren't getting it on! We were simply enjoying each other's company."

"So, things are good?"

"Oh, Gabs," she laid on the couch, a wide smile on her face as she extended her arms all giddy-ish, "things are so good. I've never felt happier, which is crazy because it hasn't been that long, but I'm so happy and he's so great. We get along so well and we're just having the best time together."

I'm happy for her. She deserves to be as happy as she is.

And it makes me smile inside knowing I had a hand in this, yet she's still sort of doesn't know about that.

"Are you guys busy tomorrow?"

"Nah," Madison shakes her head, looking over at me, "why, what's up?"

"I wanna try that new Italian restaurant that opened up last week," I tell her, "if I'm better, of course. But Kylie told me it's really good so I don't know, was hoping we could make a little night out of it. We'll have dinner, watch a movie or something."

Madison was all in, as I knew she would be. Girl loves Italian good. "Yeah, sure, as long as we're home by 10, that's my bedtime."

I wanted to laugh, but she was serious. She goes to bed SO early sometimes. And it will be a school night so I understand. Blair wasn't saying anything, though, so I asked again. "Are you busy?"

"Oh, um," she hesitates, "look I don't wanna be that girl that says she has plans with her guy cause that's annoying."

"It's fine if you do, honestly," I assure her, "you guys are still getting to know each other."

She smiles at me. I totally get it. And I'm not upset at all.

If she made plans with us and then ditched us once Dylan wanted to do something then that's a different story. But that's not what's going on here. She has plans already. Which is totally okay. I want her to hang out with him. I want them to get to know each other better and so I'm fine with it.

"You don't just want to join us?"

Blair looked over at Madison, I think a bit taken aback by her question. "What?"

Madison shrugged, "I mean, it's not a first date. I'm sure he likes Italian food, too. Why don't we all go?"

"I'm fine with that," I say. Dylan's nice. I wouldn't mind.

But Blair stays quiet. For far too long, actually. And so, I get the feeling she's lying about something or holding something back. Does she knot have plans with Dylan tomorrow? Or are they doing something she doesn't want us to know? Or does she just not want him around us?

I have to know. "B, if you don't want him to hang out with us, that's fine. We get it. Well, we don't, but that's your decision and it's fine."

"It's not that," she shakes her head, "we're just sort of double dating."

And then it all clicks.

She's double dating with Troy and Samantha.

It has to be them or else she wouldn't look this worried. And she would have just come right out and said who she was going with if it was someone that didn't matter to us. But nope. It's Troy and Samantha and they're all going out together. Great.

"You don't have to feel weird about it," I assure her, "they're friends. It's fine."

"But I do feel weird," she admits, "I feel like I'm betraying your trust or something. And I was going to tell you. Dylan just made these plans tonight."

"That's the thing, though. You don't have to tell me."

Blair sighed. She might have felt like she was in a hard place, but I didn't want her there. I wanted her to hang out with Dylan's friends. And that includes Troy. "Maybe you should just talk to him. Clear the air. Not about your feelings, but about the way he left, why he didn't talk to you..."

I'm so over that. I really, really am.

He left. He didn't stay in touch. And that's that. It's over and done with. And nothing's going to change.

I can't go back to being his friend. Definitely not. Not with the way I feel.

That friendship we once had is now gone and it's just never going to be the same. Maybe because I kissed him, maybe because he didn't keep in touch, but either way, it's fine. And it's just time to move on. Maybe we weren't meant to be friends when we were older. And maybe this is the way it's supposed to be. Who knows. All I know is I don't think I can just be his friend. I can't ignore these feelings, these stupid feelings I don't even know why they exist.

Seriously. They're unresolved feelings, I know they are. I mean, how could I possibly like him right now? Why do I like him?

Maybe because he hasn't changed a bit. He really hasn't.

Apart from how he looks, he's the same old Troy that I knew years ago and that is why I like him.

"I'm not going to talk to him," I shake my head, "no. It's over and done with. He doesn't like me, he probably never will and I'm not going to go back to being his friend. He didn't value our friendship enough to stay in contact and everything just fell apart, both of our faults, and it's just better this way."

"But it doesn't have to be like this," she argues, "you're neighbors. And you once meant the world to each other."

"It's in the past, B."

She sighed, "I'm just saying. I think the friendship is worth saving, at least."

Apparently, it didn't mean that much to him.

I give her a small smile and don't say much else because I'm exhausted over this. It's over and done with. Troy and I are never going to be friends like we once were. He's dating someone, he doesn't like me. I'm trying to just move the fuck on. And if I have to be his friend, I won't.

So, it's better this way. I know it is. And soon, they'll realize it, too.


	13. Chapter 13

"Hey."

Fuck my life. I don't need this right now.

I finish typing the text I was in the middle of and then look up at Troy. "Hi."

"Do you have a minute?"

I can't say no because I'm literally doing nothing. I'm waiting for Madison to finish taking a test so I'm sitting on a bench towards the entrance of the school. It's still awkward between us and I really have no idea what he wants to talk about. "Um, sure. What's up?"

He shrugs, like he doesn't have anything planned. "I just wanna say I'm sorry if I offended you last week, I don't even..."

"You didn't offend me," I clairfy, "you just made me mad."

"And I don't really get why," he says with a small laugh, "I was trying to make you feel better."

"I get that, but you can't. You can't stand there and tell me you think I deserve better because you don't know me anymore, Troy."

He stared at me for a moment, I think trying to think of what he should say. Or maybe realizing I'm right. Because I am. He has no right to tell me that when he shut me out for three years. For all he knows, Cole could've been too good for me. He doesn't even know Cole. So fuck him. "You still seem the same."

Seem, is the key word. "Yeah, well, maybe I'm not."

"I think you are," he says, "and that's exactly why I said what I said."

"What do you really want? Let's be real here. We're not going to be friends like we used to so what's the point?"

"It's different, I know," she agrees, "but you're really going to forget those 10 years just like that? I was trying here Gabriella, and I thought you were, too, so I really don't know what the problem is and why that comment made everything kinda stop."

Oh my goodness. I can't do this.

I get up. And I was going to just walk away, but I realized that's really immature.

So I say something before I leave. "Why shouldn't I? It seems like you forgot about them the second you went to Seattle, so why can't I?"

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? How many times do I have to tell you?"

"It's not enough. It never will be enough!" I'm practically yelling now. "You were my fucking best friend who I trusted with my whole life. Who I spent my days with. Who I loved hanging out with more than anyone. And then one days, it's gone, just like that. Because of you. Not me. You. So, for you to fucking come back and act like you didn't do anything wrong is beyond me. You ruined this friendship as much as I did, okay?"

"You didn't ruin it..."

"Stop," I shake my head, not wanting to talk about that kiss. "It's clear we're not cut out to be friends."

Troy looked a little frustrated. "So, that's it? I just don't understand."

Because I like you and the thought of being JUST your friend is fucking hard, okay? Obviously, I can't tell him that. I'll never tell him that. "Why does it matter so much? You were fine for three years in Seattle, obviously. You have other friends."

"Wow, maybe you have changed," he says and I felt a pain in my gut. It's hard. It's hard not being his friend. But it's even harder knowing why we can't.

"Are we done here?" I ask him.

"Forget it," he says, "obviously you don't care as much as I do, so whatever."

That's where he has it all wrong. But I'm not going to let him know that. Because letting him know will involve me spilling my feelings.

And I can't do that.

So, all I do is walk away and go wait in my car for Madison.

Once I'm in there, I close my yeas and think about all this bullshit. How life was so much easier back then. How great it was. I wish we were ten years old and we never reached an age where thinking about the opposite sex or same sex, whatever, was a thing. I just wish he was my best friend again.

And of course, I wish I hadn't kissed him. Even though feelings were there, that kiss solidified them for me. Because I felt something magical during that kiss.

Now, we're not friends. And it's going to be weird moving forward knowing he's right next door, but I'm going to have to do it.

It's better this way.

But why does it feel so fucking lousy?!

* * *

"Do you wanna get some ice cream or something?"

"Not really," I tell my sister as I contonue working on this math problem as she stands in my doorway.

I expected her to leave after that, maybe ask one of her friends or ask me brother, but she didn't. Instead, she made her way into my room and to the foot of my bed. "What's up with you? You've never said no to getting ice cream with me."

Ugh. She's right. I'm just not in the mood to leave the house. "I'm doing homework. And I'm in the zone right now."

"Well, after, obviously..."

"I'm just not in the mood, okay?"

"Why would you care to tell me why?" She sits on my bed.

No. Not really. I love my sister. We're best friends. I share most things with her. Mostly everything. But I haven't shared what's been going on lately because knowing her, she'll try to fix it and I can't have that. I can't take my chances with her so I've kinda shut her out about this whole thing.

But she obviously knows something is wrong. She lives with me. And she's also not dumb.

"I'm sad about Cole."

"Bullshit," she laughs. Harder than she probably needed to. "Truth, please."

"I just don't want any? I'm busy, I'm tired, I don't want to leave the house. Why does it matter so much?"

She shrugs, "it's not about the ice cream. I wanna know why you've been acting weird these past few weeks. Is it about Troy? I thought you guys resolved your issues and you guys were cool again, back to being friends. You went over there like everyday one week, I thought..."

I did, but for the puppy. "To see their dog. It's not like before."

"I know it's not. But I thought slowly, but surely, you guys would get there again. What's wrong?"

"Aid, I'm not in the mood."

"I'm your fucking sister," she tells me, "why can't you talk to me? If you're sad, let me be sad with you. If you're mad, let me be mad with you. I just wanna know what's going on. It's not about Cole, I know it's not. If you were really sad about your breakup that happened weeks ago, you'd call him up and we all know that boy would get back with you in a minute."

Okay, she's right. And I really, really appreciate her. But it's just a situation I don't wanna put her in the middle of.

But she insists. "I have feelings for Troy and he's dating Samantha and we're no longer friends."

"What?"

"I'm not going to repeat myself."

"I heard you, I'm just trying to process it. Okay. I knew this. But it's still there?"

Closing my math book, I sighed. "Yes, it's still there. And i can't be his friend because it's too hard. I want to be more than that but he's been hanging out with Samantha and I just can't stand back and see that. It's better this way, but it sucks. And we had a fight days ago and haven't talked since."

Adriana frowned. "This is like a movie. Your life is like a movie."

"Is that you trying to help?"

"Sorry," she says, "well, first of all, does he know about your feelings? You can't be mad at him for dating if he knows about it."

"I'm not mad at him for dating. I'm sad about it. He has to know. He's not dumb. He knew then, he probably knows now. He doesn't like. That's fine. It hurts. It does. But I'm not mad at him for it. I just can't stand back and be his friend when I'm feeling this way."

Adriana sighed, "well, you know it's his loss, right? But maybe he didn't get the chance to make a movie because you and Cole were still together."

Nah, that's not it. "Aid, it's fine. I totally accept it. It's just why we can't be friends."

"Why did you guys get in a fight?"

"It's silly. He told me I deserved better than Cole and I kind of just blew up. I mean, if he thinks I'm so great, why didn't he kiss me back?'" I tell her. "But then again, it also came back to him not keeping in touch. I mean, I could be a totally different person now for all he knows, you know?"

"Yeah, I understand, but I think he really does want you in his life."

I don't know. I really don't. "Those first few months without talking to him when he moved were the hardest, you know that."

She nods, "yeah, I know."

"It's just a really weird situation that is just going to take some time. Right now, I'm in the mood where I don't want to see him, run into him and I know that's impossible because he lives RIGHT there and we go to school together. And it's just bumming me out."

"You know, if it makes you feel any better I saw him and Samantha arguing in the hall today."

"No," I laugh, "it doesn't change things."

Adriana laughs as well, "I wish I knew what it was about, but yeah. I'm sorry."

She doesn't need to apologize. Troy doesn't need to apologize. You can't force someone to feel something. I would have been totally okay if he didn't kiss me back HAD he kept in touch because then years wouldn't have gone by where that would have been my last memory. It's a memory that changed everything, you know? If I kissed him, I told him it was a mistake and then we kept in touch and kept being friends like we used to be, it wouldn't have mattered. The distance and the no talking made the situation awkward and that's exactly why I can't let go of these feelings. Why we can't just be friends.

I'm hurt he doesn't like me, yes. But I'm definitely not mad about it. No way. That would be crazy.

As much as I would love to still have him in my life, it's just too hard.

So, like I said, it's better this way.


	14. Chapter 14

Today marks two weeks of the conversation Troy and I had after school where we basically ended our friendship.

And today is the first day where I'm having one of those awkward moments with him.

His dad's car is blocking his car and since he has a meeting in San Diego, he carpooled with a co worker but accidentally took his keys.

His mom's car was parked outside, but she left five minutes ago for a doctor's appointment and really, I'm his only ride if he wants to get to school on time. And as much as I don't want to sit in the car with him, I have to give him a ride. I'm not heartless.

Also, my mom doesn't know we're not friends ago so I really don't wanna have that conversation with her right now.

She's the one who came in to tell me that Troy needs a ride, that she ran into him outside and asked what was going on and blah blah blah.

"Thanks," Troy tells me as he buckles up.

"No problem."

It's awkward. It's so awkward. And I cannot believe it's gotten to this point.

 _My mom stood in front of the TV putting on her diamond earrings and fixing her jewerly as she asked Troy and I one more time, "are you sure you guys don't wanna go? They're gonna have really good food, dancing. I'm sure it'll be fun. Come on, come with us."_

 _Troy and I both looked at each other and once again agreed that we would much rather stay here and watch some movies._

 _"We don't even know the girl."_

 _"Yeah, well we know her parents and this is a big day for her."_

 _"Mom, we're fine here," I tell her trying to look past her to the TV. She was blocking it and I really want her to move. "If you're so worried about us staying here, tell everyone to keep an eye on us then."_

 _She laughed, knowing that I was on to her. She didn't care if we went. She just didn't want to leave us alone._

 _And not because she didn't trust her and she thought something would happen between us. No. She knows we're only best friends. She was just that typical mom who was in denial about having a kid who was old enough to stay on her own now. And she didn't want to seem like she didn't trust me by asking the neighbors to keep an eye on me so I let her have it and I told her she could. Just so she could stop bugging us to go to this damn party._

 _"Honey, come on!"_

 _My dad comes down the stairs and my mom immediately rushes over to him._

 _And then they both approach us, arm in arm, with my mom telling us a list of things. "Call your grandma if it's an emergency that can wait. If not, Katherine across the street. Your sister is with Courtney and your brother is staying at Smiths down the street. You better not invite anyone over, understood?"_

 _"Yeah, you better no sneak out and walk all the way to wherever you guys wanna go," my dad chimes in._

 _We laugh because duh, we don't drive so it's funny that he said walk. But we hear them loud and clear and they have nothing to worry about._

 _Seriously, we just wanna eat pizza and watch TV._

 _A minute later, they were out the door and we were reaching for our second slice of pizza._

 _"Where's your sister?"_

 _"She went to a baseball game with her friends," Troy tells me._

 _This is how it was most Saturday nights. Just the two of us. Watching a movie, watching TV, going to the movies, or just hanging out. Once we got to middle school, things changed a bit. Not drastically, but they changed... we got new friends. So, we hung out with our friends separately. We hung out with them together. But we always, always, always set one day of the weekend aside to hang out just the two of us. And we chose Saturday night._

 _No matter what I'm starting to feel for him, no matter how cute I think he's getting, this will never change: our friendship. I can't let it change._

 _He is one of the most important people in my life and the one person who I can do absolutely nothing with._

 _"You realize we haven't said anything to each other in, like, twenty minutes?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"We've been silent this whole time."_

 _Oh. I guess we have. Ha. That's how it is. that's how it's been. But I guess we've just never noticed it. We're that comfortable with each other. "I was actually thinking about something just now. In a couple of months when we go to high school, we're gonna get a new batch of friends and I don't want things to change again. Not that it was a bad change, nothing happened between us, but you know, I don't wanna drift apart."_

 _Troy looked at me weirdly. Like, I was talking crazy. "We're not gonna drift apart. We live right next door to each other, remember?"_

 _"I know, but you know how high school is, you get caught up... you're probably gonna get a girlfriend," I stop myself for a second, thinking about how painful that actually was to say. He probably will get a girlfriend. Fuck. "Um, I'll probably get a boyfriend..."_

 _"What's your point? That we'll neglect each other because of that?"_

 _"Not on purpose, but you'll probably want to hang out with her more than me because it'll be exciting for you."_

 _He laughed and shook his head, "you're crazy. You're my best friend for a reason. I love hanging out with you more than anyone, so don't worry."_

 _Ugh. It's that kind of shit he says that makes me like him. As more than a friend. These past couple of months have been absolutely crazy. I catch myself thinking about him. I think about how it could be. Think about what could be. If there actually could be something between us._

 _It's crazy because it's not supposed to happen._

 _We were supposed to not be the cliche of best friends falling for each other._

 _But here I am, every minute that we get older, looking at him in a different way, a new light._

 _"Are you okay?"_

 _"What?" I snap out of it. "Oh, yeah, yeah,I'm fine. I'm just thinking about high school. I know we jut got done with middle school, but I just think it's going to be different, that's all. What if we don't even have any of the same classes? So many more kids to divide into classrooms."_

 _"Stop worrying about it," he laughs, "listen when I say that we'll be friends forever. Nothing is going to tear us apart. And you should know that."_

 _I give him a small smile and a nod._

 _He's right. Nothing is going to tear us apart. Expect maybe these feelings for him._

 _So, I have to keep it in. I cannot possibly ruin what we have. I'm the one that's so worried about it so I definitely cannot let him know._

 _"You're right. I do."_

"Gabriella?" I hear my name in a faint distance.

Fuck. I snap out of it and look over at Troy who looks worried about something. "Sorry, yeah?"

He didn't say anything for a moment, just kind of looked at me a little weirdly. "Do you not know that you ran that stop sign?"

Immediately, I hit my foot on the break. It was just instinct. I ran a stop sign? Oh my gosh. I could have ran someone over that was crossing and not even realized it because I was too busy thinking about old conversations. "What? I ran a stop sign? What happened?"

"Luckily, no one was around. You were the only car there. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I shake it off and put my foot on the gas, "um, yeah, I'm fine, I guess I just didn't see it."

It looks like he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't say anything else. He just sits there as I very carefully concentrate on the road. Thank God it wasn't a red light I ran. Just a stop sign, which could easily be as dangerous, but it meant I was going slower. Ugh. Still. I can't believe I did that.

As soon as I parked in the school parking lot, we both unbuckled and I thought he was going to get out right away, but he didn't. He just sat here.

And then he turned to me. "Seriously, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"I know things are weird, I know we're barely friends, but if you're not okay..."

"Troy, I'm fine," I take the keys out of the ignition and grab my phone from the cup holder and throw it in my purse, "you don't have to pretend like you fucking care, okay? I'm not going to have this conversation again. You can't just come back here and expect things to be fine."

He shook his head, "that's not what I thought was going to happen. I didn't have any expectations, I just..."

No, I don't want to have a conversation about this with him. It's over and done with. I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's exhausting.

But something inside of my just went off.

This might be the only appropriate time to say EXACTLY what I need to say, so why not?

"You made a decision for us and that was completely selfish," I turn in my seat to face him, "I did the most idiotic thing, ever. I kissed you and I don't even fucking know why I did it. But I woke up that morning, ready to give you a hug goodbye and tell you it's a see you later. It was a stupid thing to do and there is not a day I don't regret it because I know that's the fucking reason you didn't stay in touch. I tried. I tried repeatedly, which I thought meant that you knew it was a mistake. But obviously, it freaked you out SO bad that you cut me out of your life. And I hated you so much for it. I thought..."

Before I could even say anything else, there was a knock on his window.

Samantha Reed.

Troy looked over at me, like he was incredibly sorry for it, but whatever. I was over it. I don't even know what else I could say.

I rolled my eyes, opened my door and hopped out.

He did the same thing with Samantha practically jumping in his arms, asking why he didn't pick up her call last night. He was tired, he says. And I'm not trying to overhear their conversation, but it was right here at my car while I'm getting my backpack.

"Hey, Gabriella," Samantha smiles at me.

"Hi," I give her a small smile too before glaring at Troy and walking away from them.

And as soon as I was a few feet away, I let out a sigh. I can't believe we were having that talk again. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing that Sam interrupted us because I don't know if I wanted to get it off my chest or not. It's obvious stuff he knows, but he should know how incredibly selfish it was for him to make a decision for both of us. Then again, he could argue I did the same thing when I kissed him... throwing everything off or whatever.

Before I headed inside, I turned around to see if they were still behind me and yep, they were.

Hand in hand.

Which hurt more that I thought it would at this point.


	15. Chapter 15

"Is anyone going to see Troy today?"

That's the question my teacher asked as the class was getting ready to leave.

I didn't even say anything. I don't really know why I didn't. But it didn't even matter because Tim Mathers spoke up and told her that we were neighbors so yeah, I probably was going to see him. I'm not mad at him, per say, just a little annoyed because of how we left things a couple of days ago.

So, now I'm here with his homework in hand knocking on his front door, silently praying he's not home.

"Gabriella," Lucille greets me with a big smile and a box in her hand, "sorry, come in, come in, I was just doing some cleaning up."

"Oh, no, it's fine, I just have some of Troy's homework..."

She gives me another smile and motions for me to come in as she drops the box that was in her hands. "Yeah, he skipped school today to go fishing with Jack. An annual son and father trip, you know about that. They actually should be home soon."

Right. Their father and son fishing trip. He LOVED that day. It was something he always looked forward, too. And I'm glad to hear they're still doing it.

But I don't want to stay. "I have a lot of homework, I was just going to drop it off. Mind giving it to him?"

"Yeah, I..."

Her phone cut her phone and she immediately answered it.

After a few "yeahs" and a couple "okays," Lucille hung up the phone, turned to me and sighed. "Sorry, that was my sister. She needs me to pick up her kid, like, right now. Can I ask you for a small favor? Can you feed Sasha? I was just about to but I have to head out and I don't know how long I'll take. And then you can just leave the door open because Troy and Jack shouldn't be much longer. Do you mind?"

"Not at all," I tell her, "I love Sash."

"Me too," she laughs, grabbing her keys and her purse from the closet, "oh and when you put Troy's homework in his room, can you take this box up?"

"Oh, um..."

"It's not heavy," she assures me with a laugh, knowing that's why I was hesitant about it, "it's junk he brought from Seattle tat he hasn't touched and I want him to go through it and see what he wants to keep, what he wants to throw away. You know how that goes."

I give her a small smile and nod even though I had no intention of putting Troy's homework in his room. She didn't known that, though.

She was out the door the next moment and I was off to feed Sasha.

And once I said hi and kissed her a few times, I got Troy's homework, placed it on top of this box that contained some books and other stuff I can't see unless I go through it, but no way. I would never.

I opened the door to his room and surprisingly, it was clean. He probably just cleaned it. Ha.

Wanting to get out of here, I quickly walked over to his desk, set down his homework and then went over to his bed and set the box down.

As I turned around to get out of here, I heard a thump.

Of course the box fell.

Ugh. I walked back over and started picking up everything that fell. I shouldn't have been in such a hurry and made sure the box was on the whole bed. He had books in here, magazines, other little things guys have in their room and honestly, he could probably throw all the stuff in this box out. I'm not even sure why his mom wants to give him the option of keeping any of this. Why would he want to keep any of this?

But then I found an envelope that had my name on it. In block letters.

My heart stopped for a minute.

This letter... it's for me. Yet, he didn't give it to me.

Is it old? Is it new? Did it just get thrown in here? Was in lying on his bed and I accidentally knocked it down with the box?

I don't know. I don't know what the letter could possibly say. Or if it's an old letter, why he hasn't given it to me. So many questions. Ah! Before he catches me in here, I quickly bolt out of his room with this letter in my hand. I know it's wrong to take it. I know I shouldn't. But I just can't help it. I have to know what it says. I have to know why he didn't give it to me. I just have to.

But what if I hate what it says?

What if it's him telling me that I shouldn't have kissed him and then he decided not to mail it because by him shutting me out, I would have gotten the hint.

Suddenly, I'm standing at the bottom of his stairs, debating whether or not I should put it back.

I think about the worst case scenario which is him telling me he doesn't have those feelings for me and I shouldn't have kissed him and he's sorry it has to be this way now. And you know what? It's nothing I don't know so why not just take it and read it if that's what it could be about?

I'm taking it.

I open his front door, thank God that they're not home and rush over to my house.

And then I run up to my room, sit on my bed, take a deep breath and carefully open this envelope.

Here goes nothing...

 **I can't believe I'm in Seattle right now.**

 **And I'** **m not even sure what to say. I just felt like I had to write it all down.**

 **Last week when you kissed me... it was unexpected.**

 **Totally unexpected.**

 **But it was no doubt the best moment of my life.**

 **I'm sorry about the way I reacted. If I came off mad, if I came off like I was weirded out about it... I wasn't. I mean, it was a little weird. But I wasn't mad about it. And I hate that you walked away probably thinking I was mad and that I hated that you kissed me.**

 **I laid in bed all night thinking about it. Thinking about how I wish I kissed you back. How I wish I wasn't moving the next morning.**

 **But the thing is, I'm here in Seattle. And I can't change that.**

 **If I would have said goodbye to you in the morning, I'm not sure if I could have just walked away like that.**

 **I would have wanted to kiss you.**

 **It wouldn't have been the right time. Your timing sucks. If you meant it. I think you meant it. And I know you said it was a mistake, but we're best friends. I know you better than that. And I know there could be something great here. We're young, I know. But I know you better than anyone and you know me better than anyone and I know that I like you. I know that I've liked you for a while now.**

 **But I also thought about how the timing sucks, how it's not ideal and how we both know it's not the right time. It's not going to work out no matter what we feel.**

 **We're 14 years old. 14!**

 **How are we ever going to make it work? We're young. We're broke. We have no cars. We don't have anything to keep this going.**

 **I'm not sure what exactly I'm trying to say.**

 **I wish so badly I could be there so we could try this out. So we could see if there are real, deep feelings there, even though I know they are... for me.**

 **Because you're the greatest girl I've ever known.**

 **But it's too hard. It's way too hard to just be friends for now. I don't know what to do, what to say to you without being so upset about this. I want to be there with you. Obviously, I can't. And it's the worst thing, ever. The timing sucks, have I mentioned that? It does.**

 **So forgive me if I don't reply to your texts, if I don't answer your calls. But it's too hard. Way too hard.**

 **I can't do it. I can't just be your friend anymore. I want to be more. And I have no idea what to do about it. It sucks. It really, really sucks.**

 **As soon as I can, I'm moving back to California.**

 **I'm coming back to you because I can't imagine not feeling this way for you anytime soon.**

 **It might be love.**

 **And that's really scary to admit, but I think it might be.**

 **All I know is that you are my favorite thing about my days, you're the one I can do absolutely nothing and everything with and you're the one that can make me laugh harder than anyone else. You make me want to be a better person. You're so beautiful, yet you don't even know just how beautiful you are. You're kind. You're smart. You're ambitious. You're everything a guy could possibly want. You're the absolute best.**

 **You really are.**

 **It's going to be the hardest thing being away from you, thinking about what could happen if I was there. But maybe when we're older.**

 **And I hope this letter doesn't make you mad. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I hope you get it, too. I hope it's just as hard for you as it is for me because it'll mean we're on the same page. It'll mean you meant everything with that kiss last night.**

 **This not speaking to each other... it'll make things easier. I know it will.**

 **If I were to talk to you every single day and pretend like I have no feelings for you and it's not killing me that I'm in Seattle, I'll explode.**

 **So, please understand.**

 **And please tell me we're on the same page.**

 **Whatever happens, know I'll always be here for you. I'll always protect you. And I'll always love you.  
**

 **-Troy.**

He felt the same way.

Troy felt everything I was feeling. Everything I felt for him, he felt for me.

Tears were forming in my eyes as I was reading this letter. I was angry, I was happy, I was sad. I was so many different things. But strangely enough, I got it. I understood. If roles were reversed, it would have been SO hard to keep in touch with him knowing there were feelings there. Knowing that I couldn't just be friends with him anymore. I wouldn't even know how to talk to him anymore if feelings were involved and we couldn't act on them, you know? What could have possibly been said when we're so far apart from each other? It still hurts. It hurts that he shut me out for three years. But the reason is the best reason.

I should have the biggest smile on my face.

But reality set it.

This letter was written three years ago. He's dated. And he's dating someone right now.

What if he dated that girl in Seattle and realized that's how you should feel for someone? And he realized that maybe it wasn't anything between us. Maybe it was just him thinking it could be something. He came home and he still didn't tell me how he felt. He still didn't give me this letter. He started dating someone else.

So many different emotions are running through my mind right now. But one thing's for sure...

I'm glad I read this letter. I'm glad I took it.

Because now I know that, that kiss wasn't a mistake. It meant something.

To me and to him.


	16. Chapter 16

"What is that?"

"Nothing," I tell Blair as soon as she enters my room.

She gives me a weird look as she closes the door behind her. She immediately goes over to my desk and sets her food down. "Nothing?"

I shake my head as I put the letter back in the envelope and place it under my pillow.

I've reread this letter so many times. It's been a day and a half since I took it. I don't know if he realizes he's missing it, I don't know if he even knows he still has it. Nothing. I don't know much about it. All I know is that I love it. And I can't stop reading it.

But at the same time, it's making me go crazy. I mean, he's dating someone. It probably holds no value anymore. But if it does, if it does mean something...

Then what? What happens now?

Obviously, I have to confess to stealing the letter and that might not go over well.

"What is it?" Blair turns around as she takes off her cardigan, "you seem awfully suspicious."

"It's nothing," I tell her once again, "what'd you get?"

"Tacos," she tells me but that doesn't make her drop it. She comes over to me and I know in a matter of seconds she's going to snatch it from under the pillow, so I put my hand on top of the pillow and give her a smile. "Gabs. You're going to make me go crazy. What is it? Is it something bad?"

This is my best friend.

Who cares if she knows, right? But maybe this is something I just want to keep to myself. Something for me.

Then again, I need advice. I need someone's opinion on what to do.

So, I take a deep breath, pull the letter out from under the pillow and hand it over to her. "Um, I stole this from Troy's house the other day. It's a letter he wrote me when he left. I'm not sure why he never gave it to me, but just read it. And... yeah."

She carefully took it from me and opened it.

And I sat here, with my head against my headboard, hugging one of my pillows, patiently waiting for her to finish reading it.

I can't stop thinking about it. I know he wrote it right after and that the feelings were mutual. He liked me then, I liked him. But that's the past. I can't dwell on it anymore. And now, now I don't know what to do. I'm so confused about everything. I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm frustrated. I'm so many things.

"He doesn't know you have it?"

"No," I tell Blair once she's doing reading the letter, "I'm not even sure he knows he's missing it. It was in a box of old things. And I don't know if he still means it."

She put it back in the envelope and handed it to me.

And then she took a seat on my couch and gave me a small smile. "He felt the same way."

"Yeah," I put the letter on my nightstand and then look over at her, "but that was three years ago, and I have no idea what to do. It probably holds no truth now, he's with Samantha. What if he dated and realized that's how you're supposed to feel for a girl and what he felt for me was just what he thought he felt?"

"Gabs, no," she shakes her head, "you obviously still have feelings for him. e probably still does, too. He came back, but you were with Cole."

Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. I'm having a hard time accepting it.

I take a deep breath and truly think about this. "Yes, I was unavailable, but when he found out I was available, nothing happened. He didn't try anything. He kept hanging out with Samantha, so clearly he really likes her. And that's fine. He can like whoever he wants to. It hurts. But it's fine and I'm not mad about it. I just wish I hadn't found this letter then, you know? It's almost like a tease. And I don't know what to feel or think or do."

Blair understood. I love venting to her because we're almost always on the same page about things. "Well, that same day you did tell him to leave you alone."

"Oh my gosh, whose side are you on?"

"Yours, of course," she laughs, "but I'm just saying. You didn't give him a chance."

Yeah, maybe I didn't. But he's still with Samantha and I just can't help, but think that they're doing good. That they're happy. I'm not the greatest of friends with her, but people like her. She's popular. She's nice. So whatever. I get it. And she's super pretty. Ugh.

I sigh, sitting up. "I just don't know if I should pretend to have never read the letter. I don't want to interfere with his life, that's not me."

"Can I tell you something?"

"What?"

"Maybe I heard Troy and Samantha aren't doing so great."

What? Is she seriously going to give me insider information right now? "How do you know?"

She gives me a small smile as she brings both legs up on my bed. "Well, my boyfriend is friends with Troy, duh. Yesterday, actually, I went over to Dylan's and Troy was there, they were playing video games and he got a call and looked frustrated and upset. I don't know what was said because he was outside, but you could just tell he was having an intense conversation by the pacing, the look on his face. So, I asked Dylan if he was okay, if things are okay and he said, yeah, it's just Sam, that it's not really working out or whatever. I tried to pry without him asking why I was asking so I don't know much, I just know that Dylan thinks he's over it."

I mean, seeing him single would hurt less. But it probably has nothing to do with me. And them breaking up, maybe it wouldn't change anything.

Maybe he doesn't have feelings for me anymore.

"I don't really know how to feel about it, because it probably doesn't have anything to do with me."

"Maybe not," she shrugs, "but I think it's not working out so that'll mean he'll be single, not hanging out with anyone and maybe you can get to the bottom of things with this letter. Figure out why he never gave it to you, if he still means it..."

"But then I have to fess up to stealing it," I frown, "what if he gets so mad about that? I don't know, B, I'm scared."

She laughed, "I know it's a tough situation, but you guys aren't friends right now so what's the worse that can happen? I think that already happened."

Hmmm, she's right. The worst has happened, so why not just ask him about it? I have to. I know I do.

If not, it's going to drive me absolutely crazy.

"Thanks, B, you're the best."

"I am, aren't I?" She laughs as she gets up and goes to her food, "you're the best, too. And he probably still knows that."

I hope so.

* * *

Every year, there's a fundraiser for each grade level and it's typically held in a banquet hall.

But for us seniors, it's held at Noah Baldwin's house.

His mom is very involved in the school, and his backyard can fit the whole senior class and more so it's here. All the students come, mingle, and we raise money for certain charities. Our school is all about giving back. And this year, our charity is the children's hospital.

It's not mandatory that you attend, but it's requested and typically everyone does. It's a social gathering for a good cause. Who wouldn't wanna attend?

"Do you guys wanna grab sushi after?"

"Um, I'm actually staying back," Madison tells Kylie, "Noah wants to hang."

We all squealed, pretty much. And then we kept it together because people were around and we didn't want to bring attention.

I was so happy. They had their official first date last week and it went well, obviously. They're hanging out. They make such a beautiful couple, it's not fair. "And you were skeptical about him being into you, psh. But how exciting. Does his mom know you guys are hanging out?"

"Yeah, she knows," she sips on her lemonade, "it was actually her idea for me to stay after. We're gonna grab dinner, get to know each other I guess."

"Ah, are you nervous?" Blair chimes in, "I was so nervous meeting Dylan's parents."

"I mean, I've met her so not totally. But it's intimidating."

Definitely. But she'll do fine. Madison is so nice, there's no way anything could possibly go wrong.

The fundraiser is from 2-5. It's 4ish. We got here about 15 minutes ago. Pretty much the whole school is still here and they're just serving appetizers and drinks so going to dinner afterwards sounds great. I'm always down for sushi. I'm in, Blair's in, Kylie's in. I'm not sure who else she's asking.

But I'm definitely in.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," I tell them.

I walked away, drinking the rest of my lemonade before heading inside.

You're not really supposed to be inside, but using the bathroom is the exception. It would just get too packed in there and you obviously don't wanna break anything in their house or dirty it. We were all allowed to use the guest bathroom, though, that was easy access from the outside.

Once I was done, I made my way back to my friends, but before I could, I saw Samantha and Troy.

Inside the house.

So, I stopped. I stopped before they could see me.

I just didn't want to run into them. It's bad enough running into Troy, but running into both of them together? Ugh. Awkward. So, I held back. I stood behind a wall where they couldn't see me. I assume they're either walking to the front door or using the bathroom or something. I don't know. I just know that I definitely don't want to run into them. And thankfully, they couldn't see me where I'm hiding.

"I'm not doing this here," I hear Troy tell her.

"No one's around!" She argued, "why don't you want to talk about it? I want to talk about it!"

I saw Troy stop walking and turn around to face her, "We're at a fundraiser for school, Sam. I'm not going to talk about it here."

As he turned around, she stood firm and folded her arms. "Well, I'm not moving until we talk about it. What the fuck is going on here? I don't understand. I don't understand what I did, what's going on, why it's been SO weird."

Shit. Shit. Shit. I can't believe I'm about to be privy to this information. How the hell is no one else in here right now? Why is it just me? Should I pop out?

Definitely not.

I'm definitely interested in this conversation.

But it's so wrong to eavesdrop. Especially like this. When I'm standing behind a wall in another room, peeking out. I guess if they catch me, I can just make it seem like I was coming out of the bathroom. It wouldn't be embarrassing. But I just don't want them to. I don't know what to fucking do here.

Troy turns around again and sighs. "I'm sorry. It's just... I don't know. I just can't do it."

"But I thought things were good," she says, "you met my parents. I don't just introduce them to anyone!"

Lie. That's definitely a lie.

She dated my friend Gabe for a few weeks and he was a little creeped out that after their first date, she asked if he wanted to have dinner with her mom.

Troy and her have been dating longer, but I don't think they're boyfriend and girlfriend. According to Blair. And I mean, she would definitely know. She's dating one of his best friends. It's easy to find that shit out. Still, though, Troy isn't special. She introduces guys to her parents like nothing.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes to er again, "I don't know what you want me to say."

"I want to know why. Like, what's going on?"

"Sometimes things just don't work out," he says, putting it as gently as he possibly could.

She stood there for a moment, arms crossed and looked miserable. His back was to me so I couldn't tell how he looked, but I could hear the way he was saying things. And then she spoke up. "Is there someone else, is that why?"

Troy just stood there. Dammit. I hate that I can't see his face. "I'm not dating anyone, I wasn't dating anyone else, there's just something I need to sort out."

"And then what? You sort things out, you figure out your feelings for whoever she is and then maybe everything will be fine again with us?"

"Sam, sometimes it's just not there. I'm sorry. I don't really know what else you want me to say," he tells her, "it's not you. You did nothing wrong. I just can't date someone when I don't have things sorted out, when I don't know what's going on with myself."

"I get that. But what if she doesn't even want you?"

Troy nods, "yeah, she probably doesn't. But I need time to process that. I can't be with anyone right now. It's just not there. I'm sorry..."

She shook her head, looking pissed. "I knew you were like every other guy."

And with that, she walked away.

Troy stood here, not moving for a moment. And I didn't really know what to do. Should I come out? Should I wait to see where he goes? What do I do?!

I decided to just come out. But I had to do it so he doesn't think I overheard. I walked to the front of the house, opened the door quietly and then slammed in so it seems like someone was coming in. And then I proceeded to walk through the house towards the kitchen area where he was standing,.

As soon as Troy heard me come, he turned around.

We didn't say anything to each other. I didn't expect him to. He doesn't even really look at me at school.

But now, I want him to talk to me.

Ever since that letter, I want to talk to him. I know I do. And maybe it starts here.

With me.

"Are you leaving? I ask him, "or why are you in here?"

"Oh, um, yeah, I'm heading out," he says, looking away for a moment, but then back at me, "were you... in here just now?"

I shake my head, "no, I went to my car really quick. Just came back in."

There was a small moment of silence between us. Neither of us really knew what to do, how to go about it. What if this girl he's talking about is not me? But I can't help but think it's me since that letter. He came back. He's here. He said he'll love me forever. So, I have to assume it's about me, right?

And it gives me major butterflies.

"Okay, well, um, I guess I'll see you around," he tells me and I'm kinda hurt by it. Why is he being like this?

"You okay?"

"What?" He seems taken aback that I'm initiating conversation. "Yeah, I'm fine..."

I get it. He probably finds it weird since the past few weeks I've barely looked his way, he's barely looked my way and we established that we weren't friends anymore. So, it's weird. It is. But I can't just be like that anymore. I found this letter. I was privy to this conversation. It's almost like God is giving me a clear sign that I have to woman up and talk to him. About everything. About us. And where we stand, what could happen, if anything can happen.

Because God knows I still like him. A lot, a lot.

"I'm gonna go," he says, "can you do me a favor and tell Dylan I left? My phone's dead and I don't really feel like going back in here."

"Oh, yeah, sure."

"Thanks," he gives me the smallest of smiles and then walks away.

Ugh. Maybe this is going to be harder than I thought. Maybe he's over it. Maybe it's nothing anymore.

But it has to be. It has to be something.

I need to talk to him.


	17. Chapter 17

I don't know how much longer I can take.

I've been sitting on this letter for over a week now and I don't know what to do.

"Gabriella, just go talk to him," Blair pushes me to do so, "it's going to work out. He liked you then, he probably likes you now. I mean, you still do. Feelings that you didn't even get to explore, when you guys were THAT close, just don't go away. So don't worry too much about it."

"Yeah, Gabs, I'm sure it'll all be fine," Madison agrees her with her.

But I'm still freaking out.

I read the letter, I understood the letter, I felt everything he felt and it felt so good. It meant I no longer had to regret the kiss. It meant we were on the same page about this. I liked him, he liked me and it was just the wrong timing. But now, he's here and everything just feels different. It doesn't feel like there might still be something there. I don't know if it's because half the time he's been here, I've been standoffish. I don't know. I know there are still feelings on my end, though, and it would be great if he still felt everything, that we could just forget everything.

Let's be realistic here, though. We could talk things out, maaaaaybe try things out, but it could very well not work.

And right now, I don't know if I should try to salvage our friendship or try being more than friends. I know we work well as friends.

I know being friends with him is amazing.

What I don't know is how being in a relationship with him is. I don't know if it'll be worth ruining a friendship we can probably salvage. I don't know any of it and it's scary. What if things don't work out? Not only would it not have worked out, but we would have ruined the friendship we once had if we got it back.

At this point, though, I know I need to try. I can't not know if there's something here between us.

I've waited years.

And it's right here at my fingertips, with this letter...

"I'm just trying to decide if I should work on salvaging a friendship since I know being friends with him is so great, or should I try being more than friends?"

"Yeah, that's tricky," Blair agrees, taking a sip of her Starbucks drink, "you were friends with him for so long that if a relationship doesn't work out, I mean, it'll be so hard to just go back as is so imagine after a failed relationship? I get it."

Madison shrugs, "but you waited so long. Does it even matter if you guys are friends anymore? You should know if something's there."

Both good points.

I just really don't know where exactly my head's at.

More so, I want to talk about the letter and I want to explore that because these feelings for him as a friend changed to more and it was so intense for me that I'm not sure I can just ignore it when I have the opportunity to tell him. And then again, being friends with him for the rest of my life and nothing more would be a guarantee if we never talked about our feelings. So, that seems like a good thing.

"Just go for it," Madison encourages, "you're going to regret it. And if you guys become friends again, and those feelings are still there, it's only going to get more complicated. Right now, you guys have no real friendship, so it's the perfect time to jump in there and figure it out."

"True," Blair nods, "really true."

Hmm, Madison's right. She's absolutely right. I should jump right in there.

Ahhh. I'm going to do it. I'm going to talk to him.

And I'm absolutely terrified about it.

* * *

I'm not really in the mood for a party.

And until 20 minutes ago, I was at home, snuggled up with some ice cream, a blanket and an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

But now, I'm standing in front of Tim Sherwood's house, wondering if this is a good idea.

Kylie and Blair begged me, though, saying to come for a little bit because it's so much fun. The vibe was good, the crowd was even better, blah blah blah. Madison went to LA for the weekend with her family for her cousin's wedding so who else was I going to hang with?

Whatever. One hour, tops. And then I'm out of here.

As I made my way to Tim's front door, it swung open, scaring me a bit.

And out walked Troy Bolton. He stopped as soon as he saw me, almost like a deer caught in headlights. And I mean, I stopped, too. It's been so weird between us and none of us know how to act.

"Sorry," he says, I think because he thinks he's in my way.

"No, you're fine," I tell him.

He looks at me for a moment and then looks away, moving to the side, "go ahead…"

Before I take a step forward, I try to strike up a conversation with him. I need to talk to him. I want to talk to him. Just not maybe at a party. "You're leaving?"

"Yeah," he says, taking his keys out of his pocket, "it sucks."

"Oh, that's not what I heard," I tell him.

"Okay," he says, taking a step back, but making sure he doesn't fall backwards off the stairs, "well, then have fun."

That's it? That's all he's giving me?

Granted, I was a bitch to him. I made it seem like we couldn't ever be friends. But this letter. I have this letter now and I can't ignore it. I can't pretend like I didn't read it. I can't unread what he wrote to me. It's all too much. And I really, really want to talk to him about it.

If it has to be here, then so be it. "Why are you being so cold?"

"What?" He immediately turns around and repeats my question to me, "why am I being so cold?"

"Yeah," I shrug, "the last few times I've tried to talk to you, you've been so… icy."

"Icy," he laughs at my selection of words. But then he gets serious for a moment, "are you being serious right now? You don't want to be friends with me? What do you want me to do, greet you with enthusiasm every time we run into each other? I got your message loud and clear, Gabriella."

Okay. I can't be mad at that.

But I can be hurt. And that's exactly what I am right now. I'm just hurt.

I get why he did everything and I understand it and I accept it and I've come to terms with it. It's fine. I forgive him, one hundred percent. I'm hurt, though, because I feel so much for him and I don't know if it's going to be okay. I really don't know. And to be honest, tomorrow, when my family was going to be out, I was going to go over and talk to him. Show him this letter that I've been carrying around with me for the past week and a half. And I was going to lay everything on the table.

But we're having a conversation, here in front of Tim's house, and I can't hold it in any longer.

"This whole situation is fucked up and I don't know how to fix it."

"Well, me neither!" He practically screams, "I don't know what you want from me. I've told you so many times that I'm sorry!"

And that's when I pulled out the letter that I've carried around with me as long as I've had it. I gave it to him.

"I want you to tell me why you never gave me this."

He hesitates to take it, probably recognizing it, and then carefully takes it out of the envelope. I watch him scan over it and then he looks up at me with his bright blue eyes that I love so much, "where did you get this?"

I push some hair back behind my ears and sigh, "I stole it from your room and I'm sorry."

"Why were you in my room?"

"That's not the point right now," I tell him a bit frustrated that that was the first thing he thought about saying. Does it not even matter anymore, that's why? "I want to know why you didn't send me this letter. Why you let me believe for three years that you just didn't care."

He took a step closer to my, outlining the letter with the tips of his fingers, "I thought about giving it to you everyday for two weeks, after I rewrote it so many times."

I couldn't help, but feel giddy over that. He wanted it to be perfect.

"And then what?"

"And then I guess I just chickened out," he tells me.

"But you knew me, Troy, you knew me better than anyone else!" I argue.

He looked a bit confused. "So?"

So?! Ugh. "So, you knew it wasn't a mistake. You knew I didn't mistakenly kiss you one night."

"That was the scariest part!" He practically screamed, taking me back a bit. Not in a scary, angry way, but in a frustrated way. Like he wanted nothing more than to get his point across. "To know that you could like me the way I liked you, it would... it would ruin everything. And I knew by not talking to you, it was ruining things, too. But I thought our friendship was so strong that maybe one day it could be the way it was that I didn't know if this letter was worth it. Maybe you'd hate me more or whatever if I ruined our friendship over it. I didn't think it was a mistake for you, but I don't know everything, maybe you realized it was a mistake afterward. Maybe you thought about it everyday for two weeks like I did and unlike me, you realized there was nothing there. Maybe your feelings would change..."

"No!" It's my turn to yell, "and I hate that you would think that. You could have talked to me about anything and we could have figured it all out."

"And instead, I shut you out."

I had to look away for a moment because I could feel the tears start to form. He liked me. He really, really liked me. And I liked him. And if would have just talked about things, maybe this could have been different. "Those three years were so hard, Troy, you have no idea."

He shook his head, "they were just as hard for me."

"I don't know what to do, I can't unread that letter. But I get it. I understand why you did what you did and there's no more anger there..."

"What if I had sent the letter, then what?" He asks me, stepping a bit closer.

I didn't even think about that. What if he did? It would have been the same. I still wouldn't have seen him for three years. But talking to him as more than a friend over the phone, over text without seeing each other in person to figure it out would have been so weird and so uncomfortable.

So, I guess I'm glad he didn't send that letter.

"I'm not sure," I tell him, "but I found it. And I am dying... I'm dying to know if you still mean everything."

"Maybe there's only one way to find out," he takes a step closer.

What?

Right here, right now, he's going to... kiss me?

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to act. I'm so nervous. I'm nervous everything I've played up in my head will be gone the minute his lips touch mine. What if it was all just a stupid fantasy and I feel absolute nothing? I've wasted so much time and energy and anger over this. But what if it's great? Ahhhh.

Is our first real kiss really going to be on Tim's front lawn, when there's a party going on in the back?

Right now, I don't even care.

This is going to happen, right here, right now and I'm absolutely ready for this. I've replayed this moment so many times in my mind.

Troy comes as close as he possibly can to me and I take a small deep breath.

Before I know it, his hand is pushing away the hair in front of my face and tucking it behind my ear. We're face to face and he's looking me in the eyes so deeply that it's almost intimidating. But I love every second of it. I love the way he stares at me. He's making me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl.

I give him a small smile, he gives me one and then he cups my face with both of his hands.

And then we kiss.

He places he lips on mine ever so gently.

It's way better than I ever imagined. It's better than that time I kissed him for five seconds. It's better. It's so much better.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he moves his arms down to my waist, pulling me in closer. I deepened the kiss because I needed more. I wanted more so badly. I've waited so long for this and it's everything and more.

This is what it's like kissing my best friend. It's perfect. It's sweet. It's mind blowing. It's nerve wracking. It's beautiful. It's so many wonderful things.

And I want to keep doing it.

I pulled apart and I couldn't help, but think about where we were. We were kissing.

When I was 10 years old and I asked my grandma if Troy could come shopping with us, she said yes. And then she asked why I didn't ask Julie, my cousin, because maybe Troy would be bored. I told her we were best friends and I wanted him there with me. And I very distinctly remember her telling my grandpa that she knew one day sooner or later, I was going to like him and it was going to be this different thing. And I was so taken aback by it. I loved hanging out with him so I never stopped but I thought it could never happen. He was my best friend! And for the longest time, until that one night when he called my beautiful, it was nothing but friendship. I never thought about when we were older that it might be this or that. I just enjoyed his company as my best friend and that's all. I didn't want it to be anything more than friends because it worked so well. And my grandma scared the crap out of me so everyday I made sure we were just the best of friends.

Now, we're here. We're kissing. And feelings things.

"I still mean everything," he tells me with the most sincere look in his eye. The look he gave me the night he called me beautiful.

"You're always going to be my best friend," I tell him, moving my arms from around his neck to his chest, where I laid them there, "you know that right?"

He nods, "two in one. Nothing better."

I smile at him, tears almost forming in my eyes because I loved this moment so much.

I've waited for this moment. I've fantasized about this moment and it's here. It's finally here and it's happening. And I'm crazy to think I can lose my best friend over this. We can still be best friends. We can be more than friends and best friends all in one. And there is nothing better than that, like he said.

"Are we really doing this?"

"I want to," he tells me, pulling me closer as he wraps his arms around my waist again, "we've waited long enough, right?"

"Yes," I whisper, barely able to hold it together. "We did."

He gives me a smile and then leans in once again and kisses me. And I will never get over it.

His kisses.

They're everything and more.

And I couldn't be happier right here, right now.


	18. Chapter 18

"Did you really like Sam?"

"I liked Sam," Troy told me as he threw Sasha's ball towards the water, "we had fun."

"What does that mean, you guys had fun?"

Troy took his glasses off and looked over at me, trying to see my expression more clearly I think. And I think trying to decide if I was starting a fight or not. but I wasn't. I'm not trying to. I'm just curious. It's been two weeks and I just need to know about him and Sam. I'm not worried about it, I just want to know how it was like for him... dating her. It's something I want to know and I don't want him to think it's anything I'm trying to look for.

So, I reword it a bit. "I just want to know if you miss it, I guess. If you guys got closure, or just how it was. I don't know. I'm just curious."

"By fun, I mean, we hung out at parties, we saw some movies, we went to lunch. It was simple."

"And now you guys don't talk?"

"I mean, she's in one of my classes. I don't sit next to her, but if she were to say hi to me, I'd say hi back," he shrugs, "there's nothing there anymore, if that's what you're wondering. It wasn't serious and so no, I don't miss it."

I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe I just feel guilty. Like I'm the one who took him away from some girl. And I never want to be that girl, ever.

But if we're being serious, Troy was mine first.

"Okay," I give him a small smile as Sasha comes up to us dropping her ball for one of us to throw it again.

I picked it up and threw it towards the water again and she ran for it.

We were currently at the beach, enjoying a nice day with Sasha. A tiny perk to dating him is that I get to hang out with Sasha all the time. And do things like this- hang out with him, at the beach, one of my favorite places, and talk about anything and everything. It feels nice. It feels good.

And strangely, it feels like old times.

"Hey," he puts his hand on my leg which immediately gives me chills, "that was then and this is now. And now is good."

"Now is good, huh?" I turn towards him a bit and and grab his hand that's on my leg still, "sorry. I'm not... I'm not trying to talk about the past. I was just curious. Every time I see her at school, it's this like icy look and I don't really care because she wasn't this great friend to me or anything, but still... it makes me feel bad. I don't exactly know what you guys had."

"It wasn't serious and I liked her, yes, but don't worry about it," he gives me a smile, "everything is good right now. It's the way it's supposed to be."

I feel that way, too.

I've been so happy these past two weeks, I can't get over it.

We jumped right into it. We wasted no time. Everyday, we hung out. We'd walk into school, hand in hand. We'd grab ice cream after dinner and walk around, talking about anything and everything. We sat our parents down and told them everything. We laid in my bed all day last Saturday watching movie after movie because we both had a terrible cold. We'd kiss whenever, wherever. It was real. It was so real.

It's weird how this wouldn't be happening if we weren't friends before. I would never spend this much time with a guy and pretty much go all in.

But this is different. He was my best friend. I know him. I know I can trust him. I know he's kind and he'd never hurt me. I know all the most important things you need to know about someone if you're going to spend so much time with them.

So, yes, this is real.

And sooner or later, we're going to officially become boyfriend and girlfriend and it's going to feel even more real.

I want to know everything, though.

And that includes his last relationship. He saw mine, firsthand.

"Do you wanna tell me about your ex girlfriend," I tell him, looking up at him with a small smile on my face, "the one you had in Seattle..."

"Kacie?"

"Yeah, Kacie," I nod.

I want to know about her. I want to know how long they were together, why they broke up, if they broke up because he moved here, all of that. It's not like it really matters because I know he's in this with me. I know his feelings for me are real and what we have is good and it's all about us. But I'm curious about her. I'm curious about how serious they were. I mean, I'm sure you can fall in love at this age, right? So, I want to know everything. How things were.

He grabbed the ball Sasha just placed in front of him and threw it.

And then looked over at me.

"Kacie and I met freshman year. Nothing really came about it. It was a hard time being there, but by sophomore year, things were good. I made great friends, I felt like I was apart of the city and I was much more at ease. And Kacie was the beautiful, out-going cheerleader..."

"Cheerleader? I didn't expect that," I interrupt him.

"Yeah, she was a cheerleader," he laughs, once again grabbing the ball from Sasha who keeps interrupting us.

Just kidding.

He decided to just keep the ball behind him so Sasha could rest.

And then he continued. "So summer before junior year, we were all hanging out at my buddies house and she had just gotten back from Honduras with her church where she volunteered at orphanages and I wasn't shocked to hear about it, but it was a bit surprising. She was nice and everything, outgoing, but thought that was maybe it. She was the rich girl whose parents would let her have parties all the time. And it wasn't something she was throwing in your face so it was this whole other side. She didn't want to talk about it when someone asked her about it. She said it was personal and that she didn't go so she could come back and talk about it. And I thought it was so cool, like, she didn't need to make herself look good. She did it because she cares. And so I saw her in this whole new light and so for the rest of the summer, we hung out. It was really easy hanging out with her. Once school started, we were together and we dated for about seven months."

"Seven months," I whisper, "that's... a while."

"In high school, sure," he nods, "it was fun. We had a great time together. But it was just never really there between us."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugs, "I don't know, that feeling where you're just so happy, you can't think of a day where it can end. I know it's silly because we were what, 17 years old? But I just knew it probably wasn't going to be this great thing, I probably want going to fall anymore for her than I already had. So I broke up with her."

Even though I know where he stands, even though I know he's in this with me, it brings a smile knowing he's the one that broke up with her.

"It was the epitome of a high school relationship. Where things are great, you're having fun, but it just doesn't make sense to keep it going because you know it's just not going to work. And so, yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Do you guys still talk?" I don't think I would care too much, but who knows, really.

"Nah," he shakes his head, "she wasn't too thrilled. She thought I blindsided her. I felt bad, but if it's not there, it's not there."

I nod, agreeing, "same with Sam."

He smiles a bit, "same with Sam, yeah, you're right."

"You think that's going to happen with me? Four months from now, it's just not going to be there?"

"You never want that when you start dating someone," he says, "who goes into it thinking, hoping it won't work out? That's the reality of it sometimes, it just doesn't work out... it's not there. But without jinxing it, without getting ahead of ourselves, I don't think so. I think... I think this could be something great."

"I think so, too, because we're lucky enough to know that we can trust each other with our lives and there's nothing really better than that."

Troy smiles at me, "nothing better."

Sometimes it feels really weird being in this place with Troy.

We were best friends. Nothing more. We were so young when we became the best of friends. And so being here, like this, lovey dovey, cheesy and all, it's different. It's weird at times. But it feels right. It feels like we should be here. And being best friends was the stepping stone.

Who knows what we could be, what could happen between us, but I'm hopeful.

I'm hopeful it could be that great, deep love that you can't live without, that you want for the rest of your life.

I can't wait to find out if this could be it.

* * *

"Honestly, Mads, I don't think it's anything, Noah likes you," I tell her as she's laying in her bed, phone in hand, after discovering some things.

"He told me he went to his cousins in Long Beach," she reminds me.

"He could have easily went to that party afterward."

She sighs as she throws her phone to the side of her and spreads her arms wide open and just laid there for a minute.

Her and Noah are full on dating. They haven't had a conversation about being boyfriend and girlfriend, but she thinks, and I think, there doesn't need to be one. They're basically boyfriend and girlfriend. I think it was like this silent thing. They hold hands in public, they hold hands and kiss at school, letting the whole student body know that they're into each other. And they are. Noah's so into her. She's so into him. And things are good. She's happy, I know she is.

So, this picture she saw on Instagram of him and some girl at a party, I don't think is anything to worry about.

"Why would he lie, though?"

"I don't know, maybe he thought since you guys are a little more serious now, you wouldn't necessarily want him going to a party," I guess.

She sits up and sighs, "I mean, who wants a guy they really like at a party with drunken girls? But I wouldn't forbid him. I wouldn't call it quits over it. So it's just shady. And maybe this isn't as serious as I thought it was getting. Maybe it's just a fling for him."

A fling? Yeah right. "It's not a fling and you and I both know it."

"He lied to me, Gabs. that's shady. You'd be okay with Troy doing this?" She throws it back at me, "I don't think so."

"It's different. I really, really know Troy."

"I know it's been like only a month, but I like him. And I just thought things were good," she shakes her head, "he doesn't need to lie to me to go to a party."

I felt bad for my best friend.

It's the first boy she really has dated and a month in, she has doubts. She has insecurities. She thinks it might not be serious for him, like he might be playing her. And that's the worst. You never want to see your friend going through any of these things. Especially your best friend. Maybe she shouldn't be going through his tagged pictures on instagram, but I honestly don't think she has anything to worry about, I really don't.

And I don't know Noah THAT well, but I just don't think he's that dumb.

I think he's a nice guy. And I think he likes Mads and he's had a crush on her for a while and he'd be such an idiot to let her go, I know he knows that.

"Are you happy with Troy?"

"What?" We're talking about me now? "Yeah, I am."

"I'm glad," she smiles at me, "I'm sorry. I know I'm being annoying. How was San Diego?"

She's not being annoying at all. This is what friends are for. To vent to about their guys. And I want that. I want her to talk to me. "Stop, you're not being annoying. You're letting your feelings out. But San Diego was fun. I love San Diego, it's always such a good time."

Troy and I went for the weekend with our families and it was like old times... except this time we held hands and kissed. Ha.

"Is it weird with your families?"

"No, which is so weird. I thought it would be, but everything's been so easy."

"That's good," she gets up from her bed and goes over to her dresser to grab her water bottle, "that would be the worst thing if your family was like super uncomfortable or weird about it, you know? Since for the longest, all you guys were were best friends."

It really would be. "Yeah, but things are good. Honestly, I don't think life could be better. Everything's just... lining up. I'm so... happy."

Madison smiles at me as she hops back on her bed. "Awww."

"I know, I know, it's so cheesy," I laugh, "but I think that's why you shouldn't throw in the towel with Noah, I know you guys could be this happy. I know he likes you, you like him. I've seen you guys together. It's something. And you're so excited about him, Mads. You are."

"Yeah, I was. I was so excited about what could be. And now, I don't even know."

"I'm not on his side, I want you to know that, I just don't think you should jump to conclusions."

Again, she sighs. "It's hard not to. What business did I have looking at his tagged pictures? I've never done that. I've never done that to anyone. And so it makes me feel like I was supposed to see that picture. That stupid picture of him with a drink in his hand, and a girl hugging him with the stupid heart emoji caption. Like... how would that sit well with you? I don't get it Gabriella. I know you trust Troy with everything, but if that was Cole..."

Okay, okay, I get it.

I just don't want to talk about Cole. I hate hearing his name.

"Go with your gut, then. I'll support whatever you want to do. But he doesn't even know you're mad at him. How can he even defend himself over this?"

"Well, yeah, you're right, but it's definitely something I'm going to bring up. And I'm sure he knows something is wrong. I haven't texted him back all morning. And I don't know if I really want to talk to him today," she tells me.

Beofre I could even say anything, we heard a knock on her door. I looked over at her and she looked confused.

But then I got up to open it.

And there, in the flesh, was Noah Baldwin himself.

"What are you doing here?" Madison immediately asks him, sitting up a bit, looking like a ghost.

"Um, your mom let me in," he tells her before looking over at me and giving me a small smile, "I just thought I'd drop by."

Madison didn't say anything for a moment. I think she was still in shock. Probably because she was in sweats, no makeup and it's someting he's enver seen before. And also, it was all too fresh for her. She literally saw the picture this morning when she woke up and I doubt she wants to talk to him right now.

I didn't really know what to do. I was just standing here, wondering what the hell is going on. Why he's here.

"Well, I have company..."

"Yeah, sorry," he says, looking over at me, "you guys busy?"

"I can go," I offer, "we were just..."

But Madison stops me, "no. She's not leaving. You should leave. Gabriella and I were about to go grab some lunch, so."

I get it. I get why Madison is being like this. But honestly, this is the perfect opportunity to lay everything out there. He's here. She can't sit on this for too long or she'll grow resentful and she'll think all these different things and it would just be so much better if they hashed it out right here, right now.

"Did I do something?" He asks, basically ignoring her request to leave, "I don't understand."

"Yeah, you did!"

Oh fuck. Okay. I need to go. "Mads, I'm gonna..."

She shakes her head, "no, Gabriella, you're not fucking leaving."

Ummm. Okay then, I'm not.

"What did I do?" Noah asks her, walking over to her a bit, but stopping once she gets off her bed and walks over to her dresser to grab a hair tie, "I haven't seen you since yesterday afternoon and last night when I went to bed, things were good, thing were fine. I don't understand."

"You lied to me, Noah! You went to some party last night and you were taking pictures with some girl. And that just doesn't sit well with me."

"What are you talking about?" He looks so confused. Like, so confused. "I was with my cousin last night..."

Madison angrily puts her hair in a bun and walks over to her window and opens it all dramatically before turning back to him. "Then why the fuck are you tagged in some chick named Jenna's picture with a stupid heart emoji for a caption?"

I was literally sitting here, on her compute chair, trying my hardest to just not make eye contact with either of them. This was so awkward.

"Babe, no..."

"Don't call me that," she says, "it's there, Noah. I saw it."

"Yeah, no, I know it's..."

Madison once again didn't even let him finish his thought, "if you wanna date other girls, do it. Do whatever the fuck you what. But don't drag me along. Don't fucking lie to me. I can handle it, okay? I know you're Noah fucking Baldwin, but unlike every other girl, I don't think you're God's gift to earth."

Noah didn't say anything for a moment. He just stood here. Madison stood there. And I sat here... super uncomfortable.

And then he spoke up. "You're the only girl I like Madison Rose."

Gah, I'm not even into him, I don't have any feelings for him, but that made me get butterflies.

"Yeah, well..."

"And a picture of a friend and I at a party doesn't mean I don't," he interrupts her now, "and I'd apologize if it's what you were saying, but it's not. That picture was taken three weeks ago at her birthday party and she posted it randomly. There's nothing there, I don't like her, I don't like any other girl besides you and I don't want to date other girls. Only you. And if you're doubting that, I'm not doing a good job of showing you just how much I like you."

It's SO weird that I'm here, witnessing it all.

But I'm glad to be, at at the same time. Madison's face... it's priceless.

Noah takes a step towards her and at the same time, she takes one towards him. And he gives her a small smile.

"Sorry," she tells me, looking defeated. I would be, too. "I just saw it... and I just, I'm sorry. You are. You are showing me you like me and I like you, too. And I'm sorry for doubting that. But like I said, you're Noah Baldwin... you know?"

"And you're Madison Rose Hill," he tells her, "if that's your way of saying I'm great, well, then you're pretty great, too. And I want you."

Gah. I love this. I love them together.

I want them together. Madison gives him a smile and then grabs him by the neck and kisses him.

And I pray to God she doesn't forget I'm here because I really don't want to see them make out. How awkward and uncomfortable. But all they do is kiss each other. A couple of times. And then they break up and Madison looks over at me and so does Noah and it's just so awkward that I have to laugh. We all have to laugh about it. But I am glad I was here to witness this all.

Noah asked if we wanted to grab lunch with him and I was more than happy to leave and give them some time alone.

So, Madison walked me out.

"I'm sorry," she tells me as we're on her front porch, "I just didn't want to be by myself."

"It's fine," I tell her, "it was uncomfortable, but in a weird way, I was glad to see that. And you know what? We have some really great guys and I'm so glad I'm on this journey with you, you know? We're both dating, we're both experiencing the same things right now and I love that we're doing it together."

"Me too," Mads tells me, "we do have some pretty great guys, huh?"

I nod. We really do. And I'm rooting for her and Noah.

For me and Troy, too.

For so long, Madison was the one that would hear me vent about anything and everything... which included Troy. How badly he hurt me. How much I hated him and the way he left me and didn't talk to me. And I listened to her vent when she had the biggest crush on Justin Walker, but he had absolutely no idea and overlooked her like she didn't exist. We were here for each other. We love each other hard. We're the best of friends.

And right now, things are so good for us. We're so content with everything going on in our lives and it's so exciting that we're in this together.

I really wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm so happy for her. And I know she's just as happy for me.

Life is just so good.


End file.
